Insurance company seeks staff

Insurance company seeks graduates for unique employment opportunities.

Are you an amoral, money-grabbing scumbag? A low-life, grasping little parasite not worthy of being scraped of society's shit splattered boot? Have you aspirations of breaking into an industry run by craven blood-sucking vampires who prey on society and conspire to bring Ireland to the brink of bankruptcy? Can you look a guy in the eyes and tell him that the 9/11 tragedy is the real reason why his insurance bill has risen by 800% and keep a straight face while doing it?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you're the guy for us!!!
Candidates will display an ability to come up with ever more creative ways to suck the very last drop of blood out of an already over-taxed and under-paid population until they are reduced to gibbering, dribbling wrecks. Experience in black-market slavery, pimping for the man and taking it up the ass from a hooting gang of fat middle aged white men will be a bonus.

Please send a CV (with covering letter) detailing your education, political connections, golf-club allegiances and any other membership details of satanic cults/paedophile rings to: corporateshill@venalbastards.ie

Manager wanted for singer:

Talentless, warbling pretty boy with tight arse, bleach blonde hair, no morals, a lust for cash, a penchant for moralising charity work, inane grin and a wardrobe that cost as much as it would to innoculate half of africa from the aids virus, seeks unscrupulous, venal, money grabbing cuntdribble of a record producer who will abuse, debase, shit on, piss on, snort coke off the upturned arsehole of and dump like last years versace t-shirt on the shit heap of celebrity anonymity until reduced to selling 'i was buggered senseless with an aubergine by z-list morning chat show scumwad' stories to max fuckin clifford. Must be willing to defecate into my salivating open mouth.
Contact: freshmeat@popcunt.ie