(MANCHESTER) Sir Alex Ferguson has fired God, the Archangels and several hundred prominent saints in a dramtic close-season Old Trafford/Heaven clear-out. Details are scant at this stage but sources close to the football club have indicated that the manager's decision stemmed from a percieved lack of committment from the Almighty.

'He's raging mad' said a Man United source who asked to remain anonymous. 'This has been building for several weeks now and would seem to stem from an incident earlier this year'. The incident is alleged to have taken place shortly after Ferguson fired his long-serving captain Roy Keane who subsquently moved to Celtic. Allegedly, Ferguson was holding counsel with the Supreme Being and took umbrage that the bearded one was not paying full attention. 'He was also furious with the Archangels Gabriel and Raphael. They didn't listen to his plaintive cries for a new captain and left him ashen-faced and swearing like a Corkman'

Ferguson declined to comment, instead releasing a terse press-release this morning stating that he would be discussing the matter with the board this afternoon and consulting with the Chairman and Unholy Overlord (a small bearded man dressed in a red jump-suit and horns) as to the club's next move.

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