Now. Listen up, you shower of fucking twonks. This blog, like every other blog on blather.net, is equipped with the Statcounter functionality. In plain English, this is a small piece of code which we insert into every blog, which allows us to see how many visitors we get each day. However, and this is the bit where you, yes fucking you, should pay attention, it also allows us to see what brought people to the site.
That's right, you shower of cretinous wankers, we can see what you typed into Google to bring you here. Oh and, by the by, we can also see your IP address. And where exactly you are. On a map. With a big dirty flag showing us your exact location. And the name of the company that you work at.
The Daily Blather
Every day, each blatherskite checks his or her stats, bemoans the flood of traffic and then proceeds to examine the 'Recent keyword activity' to see what has been bringing those crazy kids in. And stacounter gives you a nice tabular breakdown. So, readers dear, allow me to share with you the last 40 odd keyword entries (typed into Google) that brought people to Globaleyes. Ready? Good.
Drumroll...
irish porn
homo porn
porn
mcd boards.ie
midget porn
mcd boards.ie legal action
mcd legal boards.ie
dublin porn
preteen naturist
freckle porn
mcd ie
hypnotise wife to be whore
bushy skatepark dublin
wank
cristiano ronaldo stares at boys in the shower
download gay porn free
48 hours in bilbao
dublin dancing bunnies
wayne rooney intelligence
fucked in ireland
hooker bassett antique furniture
irish sex lines
lap dance dublin couple
bushy skatepark
rimming anal
boards mcd
grunge no logo
world records largest bra
largest bras
amateur photos
the-italians
porn sex
russian preteen naturist
pictures of round naked female arses
wanking story
funniest thing ever seen
boards ie
being irish
tallaght porn
wank each other
guinness book of world records/largest baby
Betrayal
Now, I know, posting this list could be seen as a terrible betrayal of interweb privacy. But I'm a mean-spirited prick and I don't care. I also know that this list will in fact increase the probability of even more sad, freckle-porn fiends, horse-shaggin' fetishists and midget-porn afficionados streaming in. But, I welcome it. Because, of course, I get to say this: get a fuckin life you sad, pathetic, wank-stains.
This isn't a porn blog. You're not going to find pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo's buns, Wayne Rooney's schlong or pictures of Thierry Henry naked in the shower (another popular search term).You won't find instructions on how to hypnotise your wife into being a whore. Nor will you find a step-by-step manual on the finer points of seducing dancing Dublin bunnies or tips on how to shave your scrotum. So, in short, fuck off.
Gee I tell you what I was really looking for:
How to hypnotise Thierry Henry so he dances naked in the shower with a dublin bunny whilst Rooney and Ronaldo pole dance for an audience comprised of a midget, a preteen Russian naturist, and the world's largest freckle faced baby.
(I eventually found it on boards.ie)
I want you to send me some money through my Email address
oh really? should i send you money now? how much? maybe you'd like my credit card details?
you stupid fucking CUNT.
You are the one spouting the bullshit my insubordinate man! You can never tell where in the country an IP address is merely by placing one of those tags in a website, nor can you see the company. Nor can you have the abuility to log an IP address! This coming from a computer programmer and web designer I should know... so now who is the cretinous wanker?
Have a nice day!
:D
My dilemma is that posting about the Google referrals only encourages more of them to arrive at your door. I get the same bizarre stuff like “Ben Afflecks hairy back” and “how to shove coke cans up birds arses”. The latter perplexed me until I realised they meant women and not pigeons.
Of course posting the above in this comment means the hairy back brigade will be on their way here now too. Sorry.
I thought about inserting a screenshot in a post about it instead of text but in the end I know I’ll only end up posting a rant about something else that will bring more of the bollock shaving midget humpers charging in. They are my core audience after all.
Cheers for the linkage.
Dear cretinous wanker (O) your IP address is 86.131.188.207. Shut the fuck up, you twonk.
Where can I get this info? Would love to see who checks out my blog.
Walls,
go to www.statcounter.com and create an account. Follow the instructions and then paste the code into your blog template (usually the main index). However, as always, make sure you save a copy of the original code before making any alterations...
Thanks BB. And you're absolutely right, as usual...
Never EVER use "facking" in a post when attempting to describe how a dyed-in-the-wool Londoner would pronounce it.
You'll only end up with lots and lots of hits from the Orient like "facking grandpa", "facking leg pit" and "facking force".
And like you said, putting up "FACK OFF YOU CANT" will just lead to more of it.
Oops. Sorry O - obviously I don't know if those hits are really from the Orient. Statcounter lies to us all! We're caught in the matrix! Now hand me the blue pill. Yeah, the diamond-shaped one.
you lot are sad wankers, have you got no life??
what the fuck is your problem im a fan of cristiano ronaldo why the fuck would i wanna see all that bullshit of web sites c'mon !!! i hav a life thank you!!!
it's comments like the last two that makes me despair of the species. i really do.
Hey you stupid Fucks! You have messed with the wrong person!
What a site! First off, I got to this site by mistake because I was searching the name Cristiano Renaldo and all the sites under his name popped up! I didn’t read what this site was all about I took each line at the time.
I don’t expect you to understand or believe me for that matter but hear this!
Really you should get a life, find something better to do with your time then trying to trick people, innocent people in the web of your distraction.
You have threatened the wrong person you losers!
First off I have connections with the FBI.
Secondly I can find you, and get rid of your site and your capabilities to use this type of behavior on the internet again, probably faster than you can say internet!
Okay Girls now be good little boys, and find something more constructive to do with your bloody time!
Okay I have reported you to the internet police, internet watch. I will do every thing I can in my powers to take you off the internet, to bring you down!
The #1 reason? You miss lead people, and then you threaten them with the fact that you now know their ip address? Well this will teach you to mess with other peoples ip address and oh do you really know where I am? ohhhh I am shaking, I am so scared! Get a life loser!
hmmmm.... well we will see what will happen to you!
Take care!
did someone say something?
The Language! People......
Lets try to minimise the profanity, you can all do better than that.
hi cristiano
my name is zahra golipour
Iam iranian and Im16
Ifell in love with you the frist time I saw you .I always think about you I love you from the botom of my heart.your beauty is exteraordinary .To see you refreshes my spirit.You are my angel .please believ me
I love you so much dont break my heart.I send a lotof emails for you on your
webmaster@cristian-ronaldo.com
please read them
please send an email for me
my ID is :zahra_golipour@yahoo.com
or
gharibeh-6565@yahoo.com
bye my dear and my love
I will waiting for your email
I LOVE YOU FROM THE BOTOM OF MY HEART
it's all true ;)
this cite is so shitty
can you tell me if cristiano ronaldo is gay coz i really like him please write back thanks
how the hell would i know?
So while u guys are more interested in taking this website down, im more interested in finding out what those statements really mean.....
hello
hey Cristiano you are the cutest guy in the world i love you loads and loads and i would do anything to meet you and for you to reply you are the best footballer in the world and i learn a lot from you and the way you play football love you loads you are really the cutest
For the love of... CRISTIANO RONALDO DOES NOT LIVE HERE.
OMG
i absoulutely luv ronaldo!!!!!!:)
ronaLdo,,yOu R my Life!!
coMe heRe pLease Honey>>>
i Love U so.. Much
yOu R mY footbaLL hero..Keep tHe faIth oKay!!!