(DUBLIN) Anne-Marie McIlwrath, a 23-year-old, coke-hoovering, Prada-wearing twonk, brutally snubbed the advances of Lenny 'Liquids' O'Neill this Saturday night in a north-Dublin pub, leaving O'Neill with a face like a slapped arse and puke on his pants.
Forlorn
O'Neill, blind-drunk and aimlessly wandering around the pub staring at women's tits and forlornly looking for a ride, approached McIlwrath with the sinister phrase 'Hi, my name's Lenny' upon which McIlwrath began shrieking like a banshee in labour and threatening to spray O'Neill with a can of mace. She further told O'Neill that she would kick his 'ugly fuckin face in' with her stilletos if he came a inch closer.
Continue reading Hatchet-faced Harridan Snubs Dublin Man's Advances.
A long time ago, in a country far, far away, a young, American film maker had a novel idea. 'What,' he said to himself, 'if we did away with this 'Christmas' thing and replaced it with a multi-cultural, multi-faith winter festival where all communities could come together in a celebration of family and birth? And maybe I could flog a few toys? Ha? HA?' (Art by Nat King Coleslaw)
(DUBLIN) Bertie Ahern, the Irish Prime Minister (Taoiseach, pronounced 'tee-shock'), announced a daring new initiative this afternoon in an attempt to drive his popularity figures upwards to what many analysts predict could be an all-time high. The Irish Leader announced that he intends to take his entire Parlimentary party to a strip-bar and get them off their faces in a blizzard of cocaine, 'e' and Red Bull. From there, the group will proceed to rob a branch of Allied Irish Bank in O'Connell Street at gunpoint and then drive at break-neck speed to the studios of RTE, the national broadcaster, wherupon Ahern will lead his cabinet in a live, televised orgy of drugs, violent death, under-aged sex and Jaffa cake consumption.
