(DUBLIN) Anne-Marie McIlwrath, a 23-year-old, coke-hoovering, Prada-wearing twonk, brutally snubbed the advances of Lenny 'Liquids' O'Neill this Saturday night in a north-Dublin pub, leaving O'Neill with a face like a slapped arse and puke on his pants.
Forlorn
O'Neill, blind-drunk and aimlessly wandering around the pub staring at women's tits and forlornly looking for a ride, approached McIlwrath with the sinister phrase 'Hi, my name's Lenny' upon which McIlwrath began shrieking like a banshee in labour and threatening to spray O'Neill with a can of mace. She further told O'Neill that she would kick his 'ugly fuckin face in' with her stilletos if he came a inch closer.
'I mean he looked like a hobbit for God's sakes' said a clearly distressed McIlwrath, whilst wiping a gak-bubble off her left nostril. 'I mean, I gave Colin Farrel a blow-job in Lillies once and then this scobie from Raheny thinks he can waltz up and start talking to me? Like, ya haaaaa'
Jiggle
O'Neill gave a different version of events to friends later that evening. According to the 32-year-old electrician, 'I just said hello to her, yanowhaimean? And then she goes mental, screaming about rape and buggery and all manner o' fookin things and the next thing I know there's about six of them around me, clawing at me like a pack of harpies, screeching and wailing, yanowhaimean? But their tits kept jiggling up and down like, so I got a bit excira like and before I knew what de fook was goin' on I'd barfed on her feet like. Man, there was war so there was. So I sez, fook dat, scarpered home and had a grudge-wank, yanowhaimean? Fookin bitch'.
Horny
O'Neill claims that he won't let the experience put him off going drinking over the rest of the Christmas period and that he will maintain his hopeless search for one woman drunk, desperate and horny enough to take him home and shag him.
Arf! Top drawer.
I don't know why you photoshopped a bottleneck between that lass and her plasticky lad though.