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[DUBLIN] Outcry as 'Dogging tax' to enforce new government guidelines about illegal 'pleasure' in back of Irish vehicles is announced.
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Repeated reference to unnamed foreign elements who are undermining the country? Check. Nebulous list of leading questions straight out of the GOP playbook? Check. Vague assertions about shadowy organisations lurking in the wings? Check.
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'I'm telling ye - just look at the beard. Thinks he's Jesus he does'
The number of Muslims who believe -- wrongly -- that Osama Bin Laden is a Christian has increased significantly since his last video release and now account for nearly 20 percent of the world's Islamic population. 'Distinct look of the Jesus about him' says random, passing Muslim who we punched until he gave us a quote.
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Dress code inspection at the new changing facilities, Knock, Co. Mayo, Ireland.
In an attempt to crack down on rising numbers of wanton hussies, tramps and harlots attending the world famous Marian Shrine at Knock (Saudi Irelandistan), the Irish Catholic Church has instigated a new dress code for female pilgrims. The personal attire of all women and girls over the age of ten will now be assessed at each entry point by male security guards and/or priests. Slatterns and wenches showing too much skin will be given a few harmless slaps and a firm talking to, before being forced to don a habit or a burka for the duration of their visit.
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Ever wanted to take a course on the paranormal? Join a study group of the weird? Delve into a curriculum of conspiracy theory? Well, now you can. Or you'll be able to when you help us create one.
We're using Hootcourse to throw together a twitter-based reading-list, video play-list and blog roll of the best of the best from the world of weirdness - everything from Alien Big Cats to UFOs and cute, whiskered Zoological oddities.
Join us. Go on. You know you want to.
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By Clare Taylor.
Crouched on top of Knockninny hill in Fermanagh with a beacon of fire roaring above our heads, a young man from Belfast explains the motivations of heroin use. "It's like, yer skint and ya only need a little at first and it gives ya everything, only problem's when yer tolerance goes up..." I offer him whisky, and he accepts, noting that as an alcoholic he really shouldn't drink and it could interfere with his medication. We chat about his diminished prospects, then break off our conversation and rise as a long line of masked figures dressed in sackcloth and straw, carrying flaming torches and led by a piper move towards us up the slope.
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Oh most magnificent derriere. Thou sainted tush. Thy heavenly glutes wobble in a mystical dance of heaving womanhood. Nothing compares 2 Uranus.
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DUBLIN - In a bid to make daily television more relevant to a broader audience, RTE have announced that as of Monday 9th August, the bongs of the Angelus (a daily broadcast of a bell ringing for the duration of one minute, accompanied by images of people pausing in contemplation) will be replaced with great, roaring blasts of noise, recently heard in Christopher Nolan's box-office smash, Inception.
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[Dublin] Traumatised Irish members of parliament suffering from emotional exhaustion arising from their efforts at hiding cleaning up the god forsaken mess that is the Potato Republic, today struggled to remain awake in the Dáil chamber (Parliament) while they voted for a extended summer recess.
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The French football team, yesterday
I've lost count at this stage of the number of people who have said to me that they suppose the miserable, farcical performance of Les Blues in the World Cup 2010 must be some sort of solace, or cause to put a smile on my face. After all, they observe with a wry wink and a gallic 'oh hoh hooooooh!', we Irish would be there only for the scandalously cheating Thierry Henry and his band of frog-leg chomping, Gauloise-chewing, tantrum-throwing twats.
Sorry. But no. It doesn't cheer me up. In fact it pisses me off so much I could tear my eyeballs out of my skull and dance on them every time I see a Frenchman on TV.
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(President Obama, yesterday. Image by Stan, used under a CC licence)
Furious at the perceived lack of action on the part of the President and his White House administration, Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska called for the President to 'get his tights on, fly down there and swallow the leak up' before the damage becomes too much to repair.
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Here's the story. Back in May 2008, I publicized a DJ set that a friend an I were doing with the text below. The event took place on 16 May, the night before Norway's national holiday, and the text was presented as 16 reasons why you should spend the night at our event:
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Bono in hospital yesterday
[DUBLIN] Bono, the lead singer with Irish rock band U2, has been temporarily hospitalised whilst he has unpaid back-taxes surgically extracted from what has been described by medical experts as 'one seriously tight arse'.
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A Dáil member having a smoke break outside Leinster House
(image from Cristian.torras used under a Creative Commons License)
[DUBLIN] TWENTY-SEVEN Irish TDs (members of parliament) have lost their High Court challenge to a controversial new Health & Safety regulation which requires politicians to wear 'dung catchers' suspended from their ears. Mr Justice Liam 'No Shit' Sherlock ruled that the incoming regulations were essential in order to manage the increasing amounts of bullshit emanating from Irish politicians.
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In my blog entry of 6 March 2006, I described my attempt to go to the spot on the hill of Ekeberg overlooking Oslo which provides the setting for Scandinavia's most famous painting, The Scream by Edvard Munch. There was too much snow for me to make it up the trail that time. Four years later, a friend who frequented the spot walked me up there. If it wasn't for her it would undoubtedly have slipped my mind forever, but here at last are some modern photos of the Scream scene.
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[Dublin] An attempt to storm the Irish parliament building last night came to a swift and sudden end following some quick thinking by the Gardaí (Irish Police) on duty outside its gate. Faced with a baying mob of about 100 people who broke away from a slightly larger demonstration, about 12 of Templemore's finest successfully defended the seat of Irish power (alongside their sudoku puzzles and cups of cappuccinos) by ingeniously shutting the gates in the rebel scum's faces.
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The Irish Defence Forces late Thursday night carried out a controversial nuclear weapons test below the Cliffs of Moher, as part of a major national project to secure a strong deterrent, in light of recent posturing by Iran, the United States and the United Kingdom. The controversial explosion, which occurred at 10.24pm Thursday night at a depth of 4.4 kilometres below the cliffs, caused a magnitude 2.7 earthquake that caused outrage amongst drinkers in Doolin and Liscannor, after an undisclosed number of pints were spilled.
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Obersturmführer Nicholas 'Schifti Schnitzi' Panzerclegg, Berlin 1944
[DUBLIN] After several days of furious sifting through reams of parchment, annals and dusty tomes in the underground sewer that doubles as the bibliotheca blatherum, our must-infested minions have revealed some startling home truths about the true history of Nick Clegg, current pretender to the throne of British* Prime Minister.
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Protests outside Dail Eireann this morning over UK case against the Irish state
The British Government's Business Secretary, Lord Voldemort, today announced that he had "no choice" other than to take the Irish government to court for their "blatant and shameless copyright violation" of the UK copyright bill, the Digital Economy Act. Voldemort also branded the Irish Justice Minister, Dermot Ahern, "a ridiculous leprechaun".
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