Bono Has Taxes Surgically Extracted

Bono in hospital yesterday

[DUBLIN] Bono, the lead singer with Irish rock band U2, has been temporarily hospitalised whilst he has unpaid back-taxes surgically extracted from what has been described by medical experts as 'one seriously tight arse'.

The singer is following medical advice to cancel forthcoming performances after undergoing emergency surgery for severe compression of an offshore bank account.

The injury occurred during rehearsals for their world tour last Friday when five euro notes started firing out of the singer's arse like a malfunctioning cash-machine during a performance of 'Even Better Than The Real Thing'. The band then cancelled a series of live shows while the 50-year-old singer recovered on a giant bed of cash.

Surgeons at the Sisters of Our Lady of Blessed Charity/Irish Department of Income Tax stated that following seven hours of exploratory procedures by a team of crack surgeons and income tax officials, that they 'still hadn't found what they were looking for'.

More as we get it.

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From the The U.S. National Archives photostream in the Flick Commons