North Clare Tests Nuclear Weapons

The Irish Defence Forces late Thursday night carried out a controversial nuclear weapons test below the Cliffs of Moher, as part of a major national project to secure a strong deterrent, in light of recent posturing by Iran, the United States and the United Kingdom. The controversial explosion, which occurred at 10.24pm Thursday night at a depth of 4.4 kilometres below the cliffs, caused a magnitude 2.7 earthquake that caused outrage amongst drinkers in Doolin and Liscannor, after an undisclosed number of pints were spilled.

The tests, which were shrouded in secrecy, have been described by a number of commentators as "total hypocrisy" and "a cynical act by Ireland to force itself onto the UN Security Council", following recent statements made by Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheal Martin, in which he said that "To insist on the urgency of non-proliferation while downplaying the importance of disarmament -- an a la carte approach to the treaty -- serves to weaken it," he said, according to the The Irish Times. Ireland, along with Finland, originally proposed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, and was one of the first signatories.

"There should be no doubt that from the point of view of Ireland and the bulk of non nuclear-weapon states, this conference will not be seen as a success unless we reach agreement on specific measures to advance disarmament," he continued.

The deeply unpopular weapons testing has also drawn the ire of the great Irish public, from all walks of life.

"This is scandalous behaviour, with half the country out of work and now we're having our pints spilled by these uncaring hoors down beyond, said Senan Hackett, sitting at the bar in Frawleys of Lahinch. "Sure I had a bit work when they were building the thing, but there's feck all work for us there now that they're just blowing the bejasus out of the place. There's far too much seismic activity in this county in this day and age".

The tests are thought to have been carried out by the Irish Goverment's highly secretive St. Brigid's Project, which thought to have established a major nuclear facility during the surprisingly expensive Atlantic Edge building, allegedly built up as an "interpretive centre" at the Cliff during the building boom. The centre took fifteen years and €31m to construct, leading conspiracy theorists to speculate on the real reason behind the construction.

"This is proof that the Irish Government is about to drop its neutrality and join NATO" said Sharon Feathering-Murphy of CANT (Clare Against Nuclear Testing) over coffee at the Atlantic Edge "We intend to chain ourselves to the cliffs until this kind of carry-on stops once and for all. Or at least until 7pm."

Blather.net will be contacting the Department of Defence and Clare Co. Council to find out more about the tests and its implication for Ireland's neutrality

More information: Earthquake Hits West Clare

North Dakota Found To Be Harboring Nuclear Missiles

Note: According to the Annals of the Four Masters, an earthquake occurred in West Clare almost 1,000 years ago, splitting the land between the Cliffs of Moher on the north and Baltard Cliffs on the south. The subsequent tidal wave engulfed the whole district between these two headlands, and the Atlantic is now rolling over what was once dry land.

Who can top the Irish when they're at the bottom of it all?