Shitegeist: Current Affairs
Irish Government Cancels St. Patrick's Day
Posted by blather at 3:30 PM on March 15, 2011
[Dublin] Government sources have revealed that a cabinet decision reached late last night, will result in the cancellation of this years St. Patrick's Day celebrations in Ireland. Blather.net understands that all parades, parties and festivities will be banned, and anyone found in breach will be liable to substantial fines, custodial sentences and/or deportation. The new Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Enda Kenny, is expected to make the controversial announcement within the next 24 hours; thought to be directly related to Ireland's ongoing financial crisis.
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Posted by blather at 3:30 PM on March 15, 2011
[Dublin] Government sources have revealed that a cabinet decision reached late last night, will result in the cancellation of this years St. Patrick's Day celebrations in Ireland. Blather.net understands that all parades, parties and festivities will be banned, and anyone found in breach will be liable to substantial fines, custodial sentences and/or deportation. The new Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Enda Kenny, is expected to make the controversial announcement within the next 24 hours; thought to be directly related to Ireland's ongoing financial crisis.
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Elation Once Again: Irish Bowled Over With Historic Cricket Win
Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on March 4, 2011
Following their historic victory over England in the Cricket World Cup, the entire Irish nation is this afternoon finally waking up to scenes of wanton carnage and drunken devastation following forty eight hours of unprecedented national celebrations. In what is being hailed as 'The Final Victory Against the Sassanach' (from Old Irish: meaning 'West Kraut'), many citizens are calling on the authorities to declare a national holiday in honour of 'Our Brave Fenian Boys' who snapped victory from the jaws of defeat whilst simultaneously ending 800 Years of English Obsession (TM).
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Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on March 4, 2011
Following their historic victory over England in the Cricket World Cup, the entire Irish nation is this afternoon finally waking up to scenes of wanton carnage and drunken devastation following forty eight hours of unprecedented national celebrations. In what is being hailed as 'The Final Victory Against the Sassanach' (from Old Irish: meaning 'West Kraut'), many citizens are calling on the authorities to declare a national holiday in honour of 'Our Brave Fenian Boys' who snapped victory from the jaws of defeat whilst simultaneously ending 800 Years of English Obsession (TM).
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Louther than bombs: Louth ceded to British Crown, along with Gerry Adams
Posted by blather at 11:06 AM on March 2, 2011
Enda Kenny, Ireland's next premier, is rumoured to be considering bequeathing the entire territory of County Louth to the British Crown. Anonymous Blather sources deep within the Fine Gael mothership suggest the ceding of the county is being seriously considered as 'a timely and appropriate gift to Her Majesty', Queen Elizabeth II, current reigning monarch of the United Kingdom, who is due to make a historic visit to the Republic of Ireland later this year.
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Posted by blather at 11:06 AM on March 2, 2011
Enda Kenny, Ireland's next premier, is rumoured to be considering bequeathing the entire territory of County Louth to the British Crown. Anonymous Blather sources deep within the Fine Gael mothership suggest the ceding of the county is being seriously considered as 'a timely and appropriate gift to Her Majesty', Queen Elizabeth II, current reigning monarch of the United Kingdom, who is due to make a historic visit to the Republic of Ireland later this year.
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Fear and Loathing in Leinster House: Letters from the Campaign Trail, Day 6
Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on February 23, 2011
Dear Mr. O'Gill,
Many thanks for your letter, which I received last Monday. As you know, I made a campaign promise to personally answer all manifesto related enquiries received; something which I very much regret in recent days. Your 735 page document, with its associated laminated maps, brochures, and cellophane wrapped 'sample products' has not, I'm afraid, given me any reason to change my mind. With the election almost upon us and time being of the essence, I fear this must only be a cursory reply to some of your 'suggestions'.
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Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on February 23, 2011
Dear Mr. O'Gill,
Many thanks for your letter, which I received last Monday. As you know, I made a campaign promise to personally answer all manifesto related enquiries received; something which I very much regret in recent days. Your 735 page document, with its associated laminated maps, brochures, and cellophane wrapped 'sample products' has not, I'm afraid, given me any reason to change my mind. With the election almost upon us and time being of the essence, I fear this must only be a cursory reply to some of your 'suggestions'.
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Fear and Loathing in Leinster House: Letters from the Campaign Trail, Day 4
Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on February 21, 2011
Dear Scutzer,
Many thanks for your very interesting letter which I received last week. It did however take several attempts on behalf of some of my staff to decipher the more unusual idiosyncrasies of your turn of phrase; so you will have to forgive me if I cannot address all your points in their entirety.
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Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on February 21, 2011
Dear Scutzer,
Many thanks for your very interesting letter which I received last week. It did however take several attempts on behalf of some of my staff to decipher the more unusual idiosyncrasies of your turn of phrase; so you will have to forgive me if I cannot address all your points in their entirety.
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Fear and Loathing in Leinster House: Letters from the Campaign Trail, Day 2
Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on February 17, 2011
Posted by blather at 9:30 AM on February 17, 2011
Dear Nuala,
Many thanks you for your very detailed letter, the knitted scarf, the scone with a currant resembling Our Lady, the portion of holy water from your trip to Medjugorje in 1986 and most of all, for the beautiful medal of St. Gobshine, minted especially for the millennium. I need all the help I can get in this election, particularly when it comes to answering the increasing volume of correspondence I now receive from concerned citizens groups such as yourselves and your Brie Party.
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Members of sexist archaic elitist institution express grave concerns over sexist archaic elitist language
Posted by ender at 4:26 PM on February 5, 2011
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Posted by ender at 4:26 PM on February 5, 2011
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Leinster House Declared 'Green Zone' After Suicide Bombing Narrowly Fails
Posted by ender at 1:45 PM on September 29, 2010
Cementgate: Besieged Irish politicians are breathing a sigh of relief following their lucky escape from the clutches of a would-be suicide bomber early this morning. In a startling incident, a cement truck was driven straight at the gates of Leinster House (the Irish Parliament). It was only by a miracle, that the wrought iron gates managed to impede the trucks entry, thereby saving the parliament from certain construction destruction.
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Posted by ender at 1:45 PM on September 29, 2010
Cementgate: Besieged Irish politicians are breathing a sigh of relief following their lucky escape from the clutches of a would-be suicide bomber early this morning. In a startling incident, a cement truck was driven straight at the gates of Leinster House (the Irish Parliament). It was only by a miracle, that the wrought iron gates managed to impede the trucks entry, thereby saving the parliament from certain More >>
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All-party condemnation for 'sober' TD found working late in Dail office
Posted by ender at 9:00 AM on September 20, 2010
[DUBLIN] Irish TDs (members of parliament) moved this morning to distance themselves from the latest scandal involving alcohol to hit Leinster House (The Irish Parliamentary Building). In a bizarre incident, police officers were called to the Dail at 1am last night, following reports of a solitary TD working late in his office.
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Posted by ender at 9:00 AM on September 20, 2010
[DUBLIN] Irish TDs (members of parliament) moved this morning to distance themselves from the latest scandal involving alcohol to hit Leinster House (The Irish Parliamentary Building). In a bizarre incident, police officers were called to the Dail at 1am last night, following reports of a solitary TD working late in his office.
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International uproar over Islamic plans for 'Burn A Python Day'
Posted by ender at 11:30 AM on September 9, 2010
[Riyadh] Political and religious leaders from around the world have condemned a Saudi Arabian cleric's 'disrespectful' and 'disgraceful' plans to burn hundreds of copies of Monty Python's 'Big Red Book' on the anniversary of the 11 September attacks.
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Posted by ender at 11:30 AM on September 9, 2010
[Riyadh] Political and religious leaders from around the world have condemned a Saudi Arabian cleric's 'disrespectful' and 'disgraceful' plans to burn hundreds of copies of Monty Python's 'Big Red Book' on the anniversary of the 11 September attacks.
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You're Knock Getting In Dressed Like That, Young Lady!
Posted by ender at 8:00 AM on August 19, 2010
Dress code inspection at the new changing facilities, Knock, Co. Mayo, Ireland.
In an attempt to crack down on rising numbers of wanton hussies, tramps and harlots attending the world famous Marian Shrine at Knock (Saudi Irelandistan), the Irish Catholic Church has instigated a new dress code for female pilgrims. The personal attire of all women and girls over the age of ten will now be assessed at each entry point by male security guards and/or priests. Slatterns and wenches showing too much skin will be given a few harmless slaps and a firm talking to, before being forced to don a habit or a burka for the duration of their visit.
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Posted by ender at 8:00 AM on August 19, 2010
Dress code inspection at the new changing facilities, Knock, Co. Mayo, Ireland.
In an attempt to crack down on rising numbers of wanton hussies, tramps and harlots attending the world famous Marian Shrine at Knock (Saudi Irelandistan), the Irish Catholic Church has instigated a new dress code for female pilgrims. The personal attire of all women and girls over the age of ten will now be assessed at each entry point by male security guards and/or priests. Slatterns and wenches showing too much skin will be given a few harmless slaps and a firm talking to, before being forced to don a habit or a burka for the duration of their visit.
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The Catholic Church's Guide To Raping Kids Without Raping Them
Posted by birdbath at 11:49 AM on November 27, 2009
(image by Leo Reynolds, used under a Creative Commons license)
In light of the latest report into the cover-up of child-abuse by the Catholic Church in Ireland (and the inevitable national bout of impotent shaking rage, ringing Joe Duffy's phone off the hook and screaming until your face explodes) Blather.net found itself fascinated by the notion which the clergy have been throwing around as an excuse for buggering kids - the idea of 'mental reservation' and how this facilitates a condition of 'lying without lying'. Yes, you read that right. Determined to get to the bottom of this latest linguistic curveball, we'd like to suggest a short list of the likely forthcoming exercises in sprain-inducing mental gymnastics which the men of the cloth will be engaging in for 2010.
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Posted by birdbath at 11:49 AM on November 27, 2009
(image by Leo Reynolds, used under a Creative Commons license)
In light of the latest report into the cover-up of child-abuse by the Catholic Church in Ireland (and the inevitable national bout of impotent shaking rage, ringing Joe Duffy's phone off the hook and screaming until your face explodes) Blather.net found itself fascinated by the notion which the clergy have been throwing around as an excuse for buggering kids - the idea of 'mental reservation' and how this facilitates a condition of 'lying without lying'. Yes, you read that right. Determined to get to the bottom of this latest linguistic curveball, we'd like to suggest a short list of the likely forthcoming exercises in sprain-inducing mental gymnastics which the men of the cloth will be engaging in for 2010.
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Frank Ward Dies on Ostrich Farm
Posted by barry at 10:39 PM on March 31, 2008
Who could have known that the story of Ireland's Taoiseach Bertie Ahern's solicitors Frank Ward & Co. threatening politics.ie into silence would take this truly shocking twist? Frank Ward, the Senior Managing Partner (capital S, capital M, capital P) and Founder (capital F) of Frank Ward & Company, Solicitors (capital F, capital W, capital C, capital S) has been found dead following a horrific incident on his Kilkenny ostrich farm!
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Posted by barry at 10:39 PM on March 31, 2008
Who could have known that the story of Ireland's Taoiseach Bertie Ahern's solicitors Frank Ward & Co. threatening politics.ie into silence would take this truly shocking twist? Frank Ward, the Senior Managing Partner (capital S, capital M, capital P) and Founder (capital F) of Frank Ward & Company, Solicitors (capital F, capital W, capital C, capital S) has been found dead following a horrific incident on his Kilkenny ostrich farm!
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Shaky Admits All Crimes
Posted by barry at 6:59 AM on March 16, 2007
Last night, at the water torture facility at Mosney, Sheikhin' Stevens admitted to all his foul crimes, including the terrorist attacks on America of September 11, 2001, the Bali bombing, the Madrid bombing and the July 7 bombings in London.
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Posted by barry at 6:59 AM on March 16, 2007
Last night, at the water torture facility at Mosney, Sheikhin' Stevens admitted to all his foul crimes, including the terrorist attacks on America of September 11, 2001, the Bali bombing, the Madrid bombing and the July 7 bombings in London.
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Blatherskyte Industries release 'BeanFlickr2.0': Quality Wankcasting For Free.
Posted by damien at 6:00 PM on December 1, 2005
Do you spend your days twittering like an inane idiot in online chat clients? Are you having a long-distance relationship with a woman who claims she loves you madly but who you secretly suspect is shagging her way across the European Union? Want a change to your usual online heavy breathing antics? Wanna see your missus mash her big soapy tits into a webcam and jiggle like a bellydancer at 12 frames a second? Then we've got the thing for you: Blatherskyte Industries release BeanFlickr 2.0 (play annoying jingle) : quality webcam smut for the wanking masses.
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Posted by damien at 6:00 PM on December 1, 2005
Do you spend your days twittering like an inane idiot in online chat clients? Are you having a long-distance relationship with a woman who claims she loves you madly but who you secretly suspect is shagging her way across the European Union? Want a change to your usual online heavy breathing antics? Wanna see your missus mash her big soapy tits into a webcam and jiggle like a bellydancer at 12 frames a second? Then we've got the thing for you: Blatherskyte Industries release BeanFlickr 2.0 (play annoying jingle) : quality webcam smut for the wanking masses.
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The So-Called Navan Road Riot
Posted by daev at 5:39 PM on May 4, 2004
A few people throwing rocks doesn't make a riot...
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Posted by daev at 5:39 PM on May 4, 2004
A few people throwing rocks doesn't make a riot...
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Canada completes main human cull
Posted by daev at 10:04 AM on April 19, 2004
A slight shift in perspective... from Blather.net, inverting the news since 1997...
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Posted by daev at 10:04 AM on April 19, 2004
A slight shift in perspective... from Blather.net, inverting the news since 1997...
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The 3rd World war: this time it's 'cos we can't spell
Posted by damien at 10:40 AM on March 23, 2004
It's the end of the world. No seriously, it is.
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Posted by damien at 10:40 AM on March 23, 2004
It's the end of the world. No seriously, it is.
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7 insane days... (In Valencia, Spain)
Posted by damien at 3:12 PM on March 16, 2004
The following are, in no particular order of importance, some of the things I have seen over the last seven days or so in Spain:
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Posted by damien at 3:12 PM on March 16, 2004
The following are, in no particular order of importance, some of the things I have seen over the last seven days or so in Spain:
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Irish Prime Minister Bertie Stalked by Hairy Students
Posted by daev at 12:03 PM on February 19, 2004
Hirsute stalkers are driving the Taoiseach spare!
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Posted by daev at 12:03 PM on February 19, 2004
Hirsute stalkers are driving the Taoiseach spare!
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Meanwhile, over at Sky News..
Posted by damien at 4:53 PM on October 10, 2003
The scene: A TV news studio in south London. Token Asian Presenter and Francis Tusa have just been discussing the latest use of cluster bombs on a village of Iraqi goat-herders...
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Posted by damien at 4:53 PM on October 10, 2003
The scene: A TV news studio in south London. Token Asian Presenter and Francis Tusa have just been discussing the latest use of cluster bombs on a village of Iraqi goat-herders...
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Daftest site of the week
Posted by daev at 10:38 AM on August 7, 2003
Ireland for 2026 Winter Olympics?
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Posted by daev at 10:38 AM on August 7, 2003
Ireland for 2026 Winter Olympics?
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