Shitegeist: Satire
The Top 10 Reasons To Vote NO To The Lisbon Treaty
Posted by damien at 12:32 PM on June 10, 2008
Photo of Lisbon Treaty poster by Dave Walsh
Can't decide which way to vote on the contentious Lisbon Treaty? Worry no more, for the fearless hacks at blather.net have taken the time to summarise the top ten reasons why you should vote NO to those Euro-pinkos and their nefarious treaty.
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Posted by damien at 12:32 PM on June 10, 2008
Photo of Lisbon Treaty poster by Dave Walsh
Can't decide which way to vote on the contentious Lisbon Treaty? Worry no more, for the fearless hacks at blather.net have taken the time to summarise the top ten reasons why you should vote NO to those Euro-pinkos and their nefarious treaty.
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Tim Westwood Horrified To Discover He's Actually White
Posted by damien at 4:51 PM on June 7, 2008
(image by Eric Hamilton.)
Unconfirmed rumours came across the Blather desk this morning that bad-boy BBC Radio DJ Tim Westwood may have realised that he's actually white. All-round Blingmaster and Blather.net Correspondent Filthy Hack reports.
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Posted by damien at 4:51 PM on June 7, 2008
(image by Eric Hamilton.)
Unconfirmed rumours came across the Blather desk this morning that bad-boy BBC Radio DJ Tim Westwood may have realised that he's actually white. All-round Blingmaster and Blather.net Correspondent Filthy Hack reports.
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The Assassination of Noam Chomsky: Which Flying Saucer Acted Alone?
Posted by barry at 4:55 PM on April 13, 2008
No doubt you remember where you were when you heard about the shocking and horrible events of February 28. Feared academic, writer, rambler and digressionator, Noam Chomsky, was killed by a lone flying saucer in Antarctica, alongside his many lawyers.
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Posted by barry at 4:55 PM on April 13, 2008
No doubt you remember where you were when you heard about the shocking and horrible events of February 28. Feared academic, writer, rambler and digressionator, Noam Chomsky, was killed by a lone flying saucer in Antarctica, alongside his many lawyers.
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The Right Honourable Jacqui Smith MP Drowns
Posted by barry at 10:42 PM on March 7, 2008
It's not every day I read about someone in the news and the next thing they up and die in the most bizarre fashion!
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Posted by barry at 10:42 PM on March 7, 2008
It's not every day I read about someone in the news and the next thing they up and die in the most bizarre fashion!
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Deadly Skunk Floods London
Posted by damien at 2:30 PM on October 15, 2007
Dramatic new evidence of the dangers of rogue jihadi animals emerged today as government scientists warned that a most harmful "stink" is flooding our streets. Crack Al Qaeda skunks have been caught on CCTV pissing, shitting and spraying London water services in an attempt to foul up the city's drinking grog. 'London water is a globally-recognised brand - known for it's purity, cheap costs and chemical benevolence' guffawed a Thames Effluence spokesman through barely controlled sniggers.
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Posted by damien at 2:30 PM on October 15, 2007
Dramatic new evidence of the dangers of rogue jihadi animals emerged today as government scientists warned that a most harmful "stink" is flooding our streets. Crack Al Qaeda skunks have been caught on CCTV pissing, shitting and spraying London water services in an attempt to foul up the city's drinking grog. 'London water is a globally-recognised brand - known for it's purity, cheap costs and chemical benevolence' guffawed a Thames Effluence spokesman through barely controlled sniggers.
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Bundles Ahern, Northern Rock and the Scourge of Puff Daddy's Bling
Posted by damien at 3:45 PM on September 16, 2007
An odd week here in the London branch of Blather Towers. As well as changing locations (from the leafy suburbs of Muswell Hill to the altogether more interesting and noisy Turnpike Lane) we're also going back to college. To play games. No, seriously.
Anyhoosa, inbetween unpacking boxes, bouts of fending off the largest dog in London (long story) and getting lost on the tube, we found time to indulge ourselves in one of our favourite hobbies: howling laughing at Irish politics.
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Posted by damien at 3:45 PM on September 16, 2007
An odd week here in the London branch of Blather Towers. As well as changing locations (from the leafy suburbs of Muswell Hill to the altogether more interesting and noisy Turnpike Lane) we're also going back to college. To play games. No, seriously.
Anyhoosa, inbetween unpacking boxes, bouts of fending off the largest dog in London (long story) and getting lost on the tube, we found time to indulge ourselves in one of our favourite hobbies: howling laughing at Irish politics.
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Kate McCann declared 'Haguido'
Posted by damien at 5:49 PM on September 10, 2007
Portugese police stepped up their investigations into the disappearance of Maddie McCann this morning, in particular their continued focus on Kate McCann, by officially declaring her a 'haguido', requesting permission to search her body for superflous nipples, signs of fornication with the great beast and finally to have her burnt at the stake for being blatantly more intelligent than the half-witted, strategically-shaved primates that are supposed to be leading the search for her missing child.
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Posted by damien at 5:49 PM on September 10, 2007
Portugese police stepped up their investigations into the disappearance of Maddie McCann this morning, in particular their continued focus on Kate McCann, by officially declaring her a 'haguido', requesting permission to search her body for superflous nipples, signs of fornication with the great beast and finally to have her burnt at the stake for being blatantly more intelligent than the half-witted, strategically-shaved primates that are supposed to be leading the search for her missing child.
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Irishwoman Deafened By Ticking Of Her Own Biological Clock
Posted by damien at 12:01 AM on May 1, 2007
(GALWAY) Long-term lonely-heart and five-times 'Bunny Boiler of the Year' award-winner Mairead O'Hoop claimed she was struck deaf by the incessant ticking of her own biological clock last night, in the midst of a frenetic round of speed dating. Having successfully scared off five men in under six minutes, O'Hoop (32, possibly 38) was reported to be in the midst of conversing with a handsome manure farmer from Leitrim and was so taken with his manly charms, that the passing seconds became akin to the bongs of the Angelus, rendering her incapable of hearing his screams for mercy as she seized him by the genitalia and dragged him to the bathroom.
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Posted by damien at 12:01 AM on May 1, 2007
(GALWAY) Long-term lonely-heart and five-times 'Bunny Boiler of the Year' award-winner Mairead O'Hoop claimed she was struck deaf by the incessant ticking of her own biological clock last night, in the midst of a frenetic round of speed dating. Having successfully scared off five men in under six minutes, O'Hoop (32, possibly 38) was reported to be in the midst of conversing with a handsome manure farmer from Leitrim and was so taken with his manly charms, that the passing seconds became akin to the bongs of the Angelus, rendering her incapable of hearing his screams for mercy as she seized him by the genitalia and dragged him to the bathroom.
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Entire Irish Nation Gathers On Beach To Futilely Shake Fists At Sellafield Nuclear Power Plant
Posted by damien at 4:41 PM on January 12, 2007
(DUBLIN) The entire population of the Republic of Ireland are due to gather on Dollymount Strand, Clontarf this coming weekend to join in the world's largest instance of impotent fist-shaking at a neighbouring nuclear polluter. 'We're gonna tell them British bastards what's feckin' what so we feckin are' said a random drunk who crawled out from under a nearby rock.
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Posted by damien at 4:41 PM on January 12, 2007
(DUBLIN) The entire population of the Republic of Ireland are due to gather on Dollymount Strand, Clontarf this coming weekend to join in the world's largest instance of impotent fist-shaking at a neighbouring nuclear polluter. 'We're gonna tell them British bastards what's feckin' what so we feckin are' said a random drunk who crawled out from under a nearby rock.
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Morrissey Finally Runs Out Of Things To Moan About
Posted by damien at 2:37 PM on January 12, 2007
(LONDON) Slightly mishaven, tweed-wearing men the world over were aghast this Tuesday gone when Craven McMoneygrab, the newly installed manager of the Morrisey junket, announced that the legendary bequiffed caterwauler had finally, once and for all, run out of things to moan about.
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Posted by damien at 2:37 PM on January 12, 2007
(LONDON) Slightly mishaven, tweed-wearing men the world over were aghast this Tuesday gone when Craven McMoneygrab, the newly installed manager of the Morrisey junket, announced that the legendary bequiffed caterwauler had finally, once and for all, run out of things to moan about.
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Irishman provokes outrage by throwing drowning fundamentalist a rope
Posted by damien at 1:55 PM on September 22, 2006
(DUBLIN) Jojoba Witnesses were 'outraged' today when a passing Irishman threw a dirty rope to a drowning Jojoba Witness in the Grand Canal. Horrified at coming into contact with an 'unclean substance' the Jojoba Witnesses have marched on the offices of the Irish Government to express their disgust at this repulsive act of of benevolence.
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Posted by damien at 1:55 PM on September 22, 2006
(DUBLIN) Jojoba Witnesses were 'outraged' today when a passing Irishman threw a dirty rope to a drowning Jojoba Witness in the Grand Canal. Horrified at coming into contact with an 'unclean substance' the Jojoba Witnesses have marched on the offices of the Irish Government to express their disgust at this repulsive act of of benevolence.
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Blather quotes 700 year old conversation. Entire planet goes mental.
Posted by damien at 3:36 PM on September 21, 2006
(DUBLIN) Violent protests erupted in Dublin today when enraged Bloggers took to the streets to express their outrage at Blather writer Samwise Doran for his speech earlier this week, wherein he quoted a 700 year-old conversation between a html programmer and an xml developer which was written on a UCD toilet wall.
Church leaders, horse-fetishists, lake-monster hunters, politicians, satanists and bitter, twisted discussion forum harridans rampaged across Dublin city centre this morning in a bacchanalian frenzy of spam, spittle and cannibalism. In a worrying escalation of events, further riots are reported to be breaking out across the globe, with violent clashes reported in Sydney Australia, San Francisco, USA and Knobber, Co. Meath, Ireland.
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Posted by damien at 3:36 PM on September 21, 2006
(DUBLIN) Violent protests erupted in Dublin today when enraged Bloggers took to the streets to express their outrage at Blather writer Samwise Doran for his speech earlier this week, wherein he quoted a 700 year-old conversation between a html programmer and an xml developer which was written on a UCD toilet wall.
Church leaders, horse-fetishists, lake-monster hunters, politicians, satanists and bitter, twisted discussion forum harridans rampaged across Dublin city centre this morning in a bacchanalian frenzy of spam, spittle and cannibalism. In a worrying escalation of events, further riots are reported to be breaking out across the globe, with violent clashes reported in Sydney Australia, San Francisco, USA and Knobber, Co. Meath, Ireland.
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Provisional IRA sue Real IRA for copyright infringement
Posted by damien at 2:16 PM on July 26, 2006
BELFAST. Uproar in Northern Ireland as Republican activists rampage across the web, leaving a trail of spam, badly-spelt blog comments and a faint whiff of cheap perfume. 'A bunch of dirty, sleeveen bogtrotter bastards' says shady balaclava-wearing thug.
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Posted by damien at 2:16 PM on July 26, 2006
BELFAST. Uproar in Northern Ireland as Republican activists rampage across the web, leaving a trail of spam, badly-spelt blog comments and a faint whiff of cheap perfume. 'A bunch of dirty, sleeveen bogtrotter bastards' says shady balaclava-wearing thug.
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BlatherLabs Presents: The Interested Bear
Posted by blather at 3:34 PM on July 5, 2006
Are you chronically dull? Do you require constant attention? Do you find yourself seeking endless validation on discussion forums? If so, then you need 'The Interested Bear'! Brought to you by special blather correspondent, Moon.
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Posted by blather at 3:34 PM on July 5, 2006
Are you chronically dull? Do you require constant attention? Do you find yourself seeking endless validation on discussion forums? If so, then you need 'The Interested Bear'! Brought to you by special blather correspondent, Moon.
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Blather Meets... Britney
Posted by blather at 1:34 PM on June 23, 2006
Earlier this week, blather.net dispatched crack reporter Dan Brown to meet with the diminutive American pop-star, Britney Spears, for an exclusive interview. What followed was an intimate conversation over some fine wines, posh nosh and a wayward Bush.
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Posted by blather at 1:34 PM on June 23, 2006
Earlier this week, blather.net dispatched crack reporter Dan Brown to meet with the diminutive American pop-star, Britney Spears, for an exclusive interview. What followed was an intimate conversation over some fine wines, posh nosh and a wayward Bush.
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Irish Priests rocked by allegations of not molesting children
Posted by damien at 5:32 PM on March 8, 2006
Shock, dismay and outrage greeted today's announcement that members of the Irish clergy stand accused of keeping a respectful distance from children and not violently buggering every child under the age of ten to death with an assortment of prize-winning vegetables.
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Posted by damien at 5:32 PM on March 8, 2006
Shock, dismay and outrage greeted today's announcement that members of the Irish clergy stand accused of keeping a respectful distance from children and not violently buggering every child under the age of ten to death with an assortment of prize-winning vegetables.
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Marketing executive enters 14th hour of longest shit in recorded history
Posted by damien at 9:28 PM on January 29, 2006
(LONDON) The fate of Fintan Lockhart, a 26-year-old marketing executive from East Croydon, hangs in the balance this evening as he struggles to control an unstoppable, 18-foot turd which erupted out of his ass this morning, blasting three clients out of a second-storey office-window in Soho.
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Posted by damien at 9:28 PM on January 29, 2006
(LONDON) The fate of Fintan Lockhart, a 26-year-old marketing executive from East Croydon, hangs in the balance this evening as he struggles to control an unstoppable, 18-foot turd which erupted out of his ass this morning, blasting three clients out of a second-storey office-window in Soho.
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IRA announce massive redundancies
Posted by damien at 4:27 PM on January 22, 2006
Outsourcing, globalisation and increased cost of knee-capping blamed by regional IRA commanders. 'A disaster for the whole fuckin' community' says murky, balaclava-wearing figure.
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Posted by damien at 4:27 PM on January 22, 2006
Outsourcing, globalisation and increased cost of knee-capping blamed by regional IRA commanders. 'A disaster for the whole fuckin' community' says murky, balaclava-wearing figure.
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Slieve Blooms Moving to Netherlands
Posted by daev at 4:31 PM on August 26, 2004
Flat European state gets its first mountains...
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Posted by daev at 4:31 PM on August 26, 2004
Flat European state gets its first mountains...
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Luas tickets 'unroachable' says expert
Posted by damien at 3:42 PM on August 4, 2004
Mayhem in the ranks of pot-heads ensues as Government clamps down...
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Posted by damien at 3:42 PM on August 4, 2004
Mayhem in the ranks of pot-heads ensues as Government clamps down...
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Ez-Spin: Mops up messes in mere minutes!
Posted by at 8:47 AM on May 27, 2004
Introducing the smart way to remove unwanted spots and stains from your career!
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Posted by at 8:47 AM on May 27, 2004
Introducing the smart way to remove unwanted spots and stains from your career!
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The Scuba Diver Who Never Was
Posted by daev at 5:32 PM on May 4, 2004
The Blather plan to make use of dead people, stop environmentally-unfriendly fishing and have an all-round good time....
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Posted by daev at 5:32 PM on May 4, 2004
The Blather plan to make use of dead people, stop environmentally-unfriendly fishing and have an all-round good time....
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Canada completes main human cull
Posted by daev at 10:04 AM on April 19, 2004
A slight shift in perspective... from Blather.net, inverting the news since 1997...
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Posted by daev at 10:04 AM on April 19, 2004
A slight shift in perspective... from Blather.net, inverting the news since 1997...
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Blather's Express Tours. See Ireland at High Speed!
Posted by daev at 10:34 AM on April 6, 2004
By our satirist-at-large, Elimare...
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Posted by daev at 10:34 AM on April 6, 2004
By our satirist-at-large, Elimare...
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Roy Keane and Mick McCarthy to fight to the death On-Line
Posted by damien at 9:07 PM on April 4, 2004
"Many experts in the area of conflict studies expect the economy to collapse, the land to be laid waste and for the entire population to descend into cannibalism with 48 hours..."
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Posted by damien at 9:07 PM on April 4, 2004
"Many experts in the area of conflict studies expect the economy to collapse, the land to be laid waste and for the entire population to descend into cannibalism with 48 hours..."
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Aleister Crowley: The Musical
Posted by daev at 5:30 PM on March 31, 2004
The latest musical revue from the Blather Productions stable...
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Posted by daev at 5:30 PM on March 31, 2004
The latest musical revue from the Blather Productions stable...
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Gulf War 2: Daddy's crusade
Posted by damien at 12:57 PM on March 24, 2004
Blather productions is proud to announce the DVD release of last years' smash box office hit, Gulf War 2: Daddy's crusade...
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Posted by damien at 12:57 PM on March 24, 2004
Blather productions is proud to announce the DVD release of last years' smash box office hit, Gulf War 2: Daddy's crusade...
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Holy Sh*t discovered in Jerusalem
Posted by damien at 10:54 AM on February 24, 2004
Archaeologists made an astonishing announcement today...
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Posted by damien at 10:54 AM on February 24, 2004
Archaeologists made an astonishing announcement today...
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Irish Prime Minister Bertie Stalked by Hairy Students
Posted by daev at 12:03 PM on February 19, 2004
Hirsute stalkers are driving the Taoiseach spare!
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Posted by daev at 12:03 PM on February 19, 2004
Hirsute stalkers are driving the Taoiseach spare!
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Nipplegate: Our Predictive Talents Need Sharpening
Posted by daev at 2:57 PM on February 9, 2004
Blather almost predicts SuperBowl fiasco and nipples of mass descruction... fails miserably.
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Posted by daev at 2:57 PM on February 9, 2004
Blather almost predicts SuperBowl fiasco and nipples of mass descruction... fails miserably.
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Spammers Find New Market in Female Surfers
Posted by daev at 4:30 PM on February 5, 2004
Just when you hoped that penis-enlargement spams were on the wane, a whole new idea arrives... vaginal enlargement!
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Posted by daev at 4:30 PM on February 5, 2004
Just when you hoped that penis-enlargement spams were on the wane, a whole new idea arrives... vaginal enlargement!
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Easter 1916 Rising: The IRC Transcripts
Posted by daev at 9:00 AM on January 14, 2004
The Ballyhoo Examiner publishes the original IRC transcript from the 1916 Rebellion in Dublin...
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Posted by daev at 9:00 AM on January 14, 2004
The Ballyhoo Examiner publishes the original IRC transcript from the 1916 Rebellion in Dublin...
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Britney's Breasts: Mysterious Breast Appears At Ireland's Catholic Grottos
Posted by damien at 4:26 PM on January 12, 2004
Thousands of pilgrims make now rushing way to grottos around Ireland. Moving statues, virgin marys - we're used to them. But Britney's breast?
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Posted by damien at 4:26 PM on January 12, 2004
Thousands of pilgrims make now rushing way to grottos around Ireland. Moving statues, virgin marys - we're used to them. But Britney's breast?
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Clontarf based Science Team Find 'The Clitoris'
Posted by damien at 4:18 PM on December 31, 2003
A team of elite adventurers, maverick scientists and fornicating bloggers have shocked the scientific community today with a breathtaking announcement. "After almost two millennia of fruitless searching" said Professor Jim-Bob Gobstopper, "It would appear that we have done the unthinkable. We can reveal the secret of how to find the clitoris"
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Posted by damien at 4:18 PM on December 31, 2003
A team of elite adventurers, maverick scientists and fornicating bloggers have shocked the scientific community today with a breathtaking announcement. "After almost two millennia of fruitless searching" said Professor Jim-Bob Gobstopper, "It would appear that we have done the unthinkable. We can reveal the secret of how to find the clitoris"
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Skeffington J. D'Arcy January 23rd 1901- November 4th 2003
Posted by daev at 10:44 AM on November 7, 2003
Inventor of the steam-gramaphone, godfather of hippity-hoppity, and first man to conquer Howth Head and Bognor Regis in the same year.
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Posted by daev at 10:44 AM on November 7, 2003
Inventor of the steam-gramaphone, godfather of hippity-hoppity, and first man to conquer Howth Head and Bognor Regis in the same year.
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Meanwhile, over at Sky News..
Posted by damien at 4:53 PM on October 10, 2003
The scene: A TV news studio in south London. Token Asian Presenter and Francis Tusa have just been discussing the latest use of cluster bombs on a village of Iraqi goat-herders...
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Posted by damien at 4:53 PM on October 10, 2003
The scene: A TV news studio in south London. Token Asian Presenter and Francis Tusa have just been discussing the latest use of cluster bombs on a village of Iraqi goat-herders...
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Big Cat Thought To Be Celtic Tiger
Posted by daev at 1:18 PM on August 22, 2003
Financial transactions found in the east coat area of Ireland were probably made the Celtic Tiger, the Central Bank has said.
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Posted by daev at 1:18 PM on August 22, 2003
Financial transactions found in the east coat area of Ireland were probably made the Celtic Tiger, the Central Bank has said.
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Mirror, Mirror... Muppa!
Posted by daev at 11:00 AM on August 14, 2003
Blather.net made it into today's Irish Mirror, thanks to our 'Bertie and Ernie... Muppa!'
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Posted by daev at 11:00 AM on August 14, 2003
Blather.net made it into today's Irish Mirror, thanks to our 'Bertie and Ernie... Muppa!'
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An Attempt to Take Caravaggio's 'The Taking of Christ'
Posted by daev at 11:56 AM on August 13, 2003
Blather's Dave Walsh attempts to take The Taking of Christ
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Posted by daev at 11:56 AM on August 13, 2003
Blather's Dave Walsh attempts to take The Taking of Christ
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Classic Blather: Ancient Irish Astronauts
Posted by daev at 10:10 AM on July 23, 2003
It was way back in 1999 that the idea was first proposed of turning Dublin 1 into a springboard to the moon...
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Posted by daev at 10:10 AM on July 23, 2003
It was way back in 1999 that the idea was first proposed of turning Dublin 1 into a springboard to the moon...
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Quark of the Covenant Found
Posted by daev at 9:54 AM on July 3, 2003
Lost subatomic particle lost, then found again...
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Posted by daev at 9:54 AM on July 3, 2003
Lost subatomic particle lost, then found again...
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The Blather/P45 guide to being a real woman
Posted by daev at 5:23 PM on June 27, 2003
The Blather guide to being a real woman...
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Posted by daev at 5:23 PM on June 27, 2003
The Blather guide to being a real woman...
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The Blather/P45 guide to being a real man
Posted by damien at 4:26 PM on June 26, 2003
The Blather guide to being a real man...
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Posted by damien at 4:26 PM on June 26, 2003
The Blather guide to being a real man...
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Slow walking to be banned in Dublin?
Posted by daev at 3:37 PM on June 11, 2003
No more semi-loitering for tourists
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Posted by daev at 3:37 PM on June 11, 2003
No more semi-loitering for tourists
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