Wheelie bins of the apocalypse

Sent in from our western correspondent’ (a.k.a. Sue)

There have been many incredible developments in the rain swept west this week. Such excitement!
bring out ya dead...
The Wheelie Bins of Change can be heard rumbling through Tuam, as the town embraces the Age of Technology’?
The Tuam Herald reports that 15,000 bins have been implanted with ‘hi-tech’ chips, allowing a satellite to track the weight of its contents. According to Wheelie Environmental Refuse Services (WERS), this will give more control over the cost of refuse disposal. But to whom – the people, or the authorities? Right, at the danger of falling prey to insane conspiracy theories – is Galway County Council now spying on the waste habits of Tuamanians? Will the fair inhabitants of Tuam be next for implanting of these ‘hi-tech’ chips? How much easier it will be to keep Tuam clean when everyone can be programmed to do so!
On a more serious note, let us hope that any alien brethren out there, – who some of us expect any day now (put the kettle on they’re luv, will ye?), do not encounter signals from these Wheelie Bin signals in Space, and interpret them as a sign of intelligent life. They might end up in County Galway, intent on freeing the Wheelie Bins from our tyranny. Will you stand by and let the inhabitants of Tuam, (or those that control them), endanger your life?
From The Sligo Champion:
He plays in showbands. His country thinks him dangerous and spies on his activities. He is… The mayor of Sligo.
Military files opened this week in National Archives showed a watch was kept on Councillor Declan Bree in 1974. ‘This reflected the general paranoia of Church and State in the Ireland of the 60s and 70s’, says Councillor Bree in answer to this new notoriety. ‘Practically everyone active in left wing politics at the time was considered dangerous and subversive’.
The Mayor also pursued a slightly less dangerous career in showbands in 1967, playing a trumpet with ‘The Times’ showband.
Does your town have a mayor with a dark background of espionage to match Councillor Bree? We want to know!
From The Clare Champion:
You are alone in your house. All is quiet. You feel uneasy, as if someone is watching you. You glance out the window. There’s no one there, just some wild goats. A loud noise shatters the silence. Terror strikes, and you grab the phone to call for help. The phones dead, not even a dial tone. Outside, the goats are come closer now. They surround the house. They have chewed through the phone lines.
This is not a work of fiction – It’s reality for Councillor Brian Meany of Clare County Council. Wild goats have chewed through his phone lines on not one but TWO occasions.
Meeny is demanding that the telephone providers do something about the deplorable condition of phone lines in County Clare. He seems quite worried about the matter. ‘In many cases phone lines don’t appear to be going anywhere’. We’re more concerned on what the wild goats have in store for Councillor Meany.

Damien DeBarra was born in the late 20th century and grew up in Dublin, Ireland. He now lives in London, England where he shares a house with four laptops, three bikes and a large collection of chairs.