Year: 2004

Blather
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By Dr Stewart Roberts My anthropological study of roads emerged from my observation that motorists and pedestrians seem to ignore the existence of cyclists, as if they are not really present with them on the route ways they traverse. Of course, this led me to suspect that much is going on at the subconscious level, where cyclists are being “filtered out”. It was also quite telling that when motorists and pedestrians do seem to notice cyclists, it is to engage in violent altercations with them. The invention of the bicycle in 1861 represents the beginning of the modern era. Those who remained pedestrians after this watershed moment represent a backwards-looking and resentful tendency that has greeted modernity. Fear of technology, and a belief that everything was better in the past, has given rise to the pedestrian of today. It is notable that even though the noun “pedestrian” is neutral in...

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Is this a joke? A clown college? Ah, if Oskie Wilde were only alive to see it now... You can't make this shit up. Two days ago, a little burd (you know you are) told me about a rather surreal spelling mistake on a Dublin Bus stop in Merrion Square. In the buttery sunset (this time of year? Just after lunch.), I stole into the southside in black ninja gear and with my camera bag. Across from Wilde's decadent repose, and a few doors down from the American College, is the School of Cosmic Physics, part of the Dublin Institute for Advanced Studies. Outside is a bus stop. It looks much like any other bus stop in Dublin. A blue pole, with the Dublin Bus logo on it, and a load of bus numbers and times, as well as the location of the bus stop. But look a little bit...

Blather
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‘Thicker than fossilized dino-dung’ says scientist No? Ok, he hasn’t been called anything of the sort really*. But, recently, I have noticed that there is a common assumption that footballers are thick. Much of the media hoopla and general national hand-wringing that consumed Britain this year during the great ‘Will Wayne go to London or Manchester?’ debacle concerned the young Liverpudlian’s ability to take care of himself. Countless inches of tabloid (and broadsheet) chatter made absurd predictions about his future and nearly always made the parallel between the careers of England’s hottest new star and that of the infamous Gazza. The perceived wisdom is, that a key factor in the decision to sign for United was, in fact, Sir Alex Ferguson‘s famed ability to guide talented but inexperienced stars to maturity. Giggs and Beckham are the two most famous examples. This is also the club and manager that tamed Roy...

Blather
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The final word from guest writer Ian Nicoll. Now the FCC won't let me be or let me be me, so let me see... Nips of mass destruction? I happened to be out of the country for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the Super Bowl. In Spain the reaction was...hehe sweet, we got to see Janet's boob! From what I could tell in the British papers, their reaction was something a little more reserved, "By George! I do say that appears to be a nipple! harumph!" Unbeknownest to me America was having a conniption fit of puritanical proportions, "NIPPLES!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO, the children might see! They'll forget who God is, become atheists or worse (MUSLIMS), start believing in evolution, stop supporting our President, troops, country, move to Syria, don towels on their heads and carry out a jihad of epic proportions against the Nipple Baring Heathens. To prevent this, the House...

Blather
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Back... and to the left. Back... and to the left. Back... and to the left. "This shit is important. The whole basis of our mythology is being rewritten by satans little footsoldiers. You know this" - Sean Doran A recent blog over on P45 (by some random punter) dealt with the staggeringly divisive issue which is the Special Edition of the first Star Wars movie and most notoriously the shooting of Greedo in the Cantina sequence. In the original 1977 version, Han shot first. In the 1997 Special Edition, Greedo shoots first, thus giving Han the justification to blow his icky, green brains out. Now, it appears, that our benevolent uncle George is fucking with the movie again... It would seem that the new, super-dooper, ring-a-ding, I'm-selling-you-the-same-fucking-shite-for-the-sixth-time version, has been edited so that both charecters fire simoultaneously. Puuuleassssse. As per everything pertaining to the great franchise in the sky, outrage...

Blather
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Finally, a list that lists what we are most interested in: lists! The exciting activity of list-writing has gripped the public imagination in recent years. Some say it is at the expense of "traditional" journalism, but whoever says that should rank no.1 on a list of terminal bores. We will not cease in our list-writing until it has taken over not only 1. newspapers and 2. websites, but 3. novels and 4. poetry too. The no.1 film of all time in a few years time will without a doubt consist of little more than a "list" of scenes, with audiences on the edge of their seats waiting to find out "what number 1 is." Here we present, for the first time this week, our definitive list of the Greatest Lists of All Time. We polled the world's greatest obsessive list-writers and this is their top 10. 10. The Sight and...

Blather
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Flat European state gets its first mountains... In a move to foster a closer relationship between the Netherlands and Ireland, the Irish Minister for the Environment, Heritage and Local Government , Mr Martin Cullen today presented his Dutch counterpart, Ms Sybilla Dekker, with a gift of the Slieve Mountains (formerly of Co. Laois). The mountains, recently dismantled, are currently being loaded upon several ships in Dublin port. The mountains are expected to arrive in Utrecht in early September, where they will be reassembled in time for Christmas. 'This is a great day for our two countries', said Minister Cullen. 'Ireland is riddled with a plethora of hills and mountains, and in the west of the country and down below in Wicklow. Most Irish people didn't know that the Slieve Blooms were in Laois, or even where Laois is. After several million years of an incongruous existence in the Irish midlands,...

Luas Tram, Dublin
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Mayhem in the ranks of pot-heads ensues as Government clamps down... Uproar has greeted the introduction of Dublin's new light-rail system, Luas, which was unveiled this month. Numerous complaints have been lodged with gripes ranging from the outrageously overpriced fares, the garish colour-scheme, the total absence of blank spaces to vandalise, the distinct absence of that much-loved stench of urine and the almost hilarious fact that the two lines do not connect. However, depsite the many grievances which have been acknowledged by Luas authorities, the latest bug-bear to rear it's ugly head, is the complete unroachability of Luas tickets, which has left Dublin stoners aghast. Says Humourless McFuckwit (Clontarf-based President of 'M.O.N.G') "...this is simply unacceptable. First they outlaw smoking a fag in a pub, and now they foist these new bloody tickets on us..." The row stems from the fact that previous rail tickets (manufactured from old-fashioned, straight-ripping card)...

Blather
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Blather
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A slight shift in perspective... from Blather.net, inverting the news since 1997... Canadian seals have called a halt to the main thrust of one of the country's largest human culls for more than 50 years. Seal officials counting the number of humans killed in Newfoundland over the past two days have decided that hunters have reached 80% of their 350,000 quota. "The main hunt is closed, seals in small packs can continue to hunt" until the quota is met, a spokesseal said. Human rights groups have criticised the hunt as needlessly cruel. They have accused seals of "attempting to scapegoat humans" for their own fisheries mismanagement. But the seal community has argued that time and time again, traces of cod, tuna and salmon have been found in the stomachs of dead humans. The seal community says the cull is necessary to protect the region's commercial fish stocks and the livelihood...