As JP2 shuffles off the mortal coil, the hype has started to build. Who will be the next Pope? We have a few ideas…
And they’re off! Paddy Powers have posted their odds for the next man (well, it’s somewhat unlikely to be a woman…) to emerge from the white smoke as the new leader of planet Earth’s 1.1 billion Catholics.
When the white smoke clears, we expect to be confronted by a gay, sub-Saharan African, Guardian reading, tofu eating, condom dispensing, straight-talking pragmatist who will usher in a new era of understanding and frank dialogue with leaders from the Islamic world.
Not, we repeat not some fossilised, European bureaucrat whose idea of progress is to wear shades and whose agenda will involve going out of his way to ensure medieval ignorance surrounding aids, birth control, abortion and homosexuality and whose first Papal act will be to order Dan Brown burnt at the stake. Although, now that you look at it…
However, to save the gaggle of scheming Cardinals from having to decide, we would like to propose our own candidate. That’s right kids: Senator David Norris! We couldn’t get him elected as President of Ireland, but we reckon he’d be a shoe-in for the big Vatican job.
But, never mind that. What do you think? Who would you like to see clad in the big pointy hat and waggling out the window on Sunday mornings?
Answers in a comment below. The most creative answer gets a night in bed with Daev.*
*= this may not be true
‘PopeIdol’. Day 2: It’s Ladies Night!
PopeIdol. Day 3: Dan Brown readers terrorised by ghost of JP2
Exactly what would El Norris be waggling out the window?
Are you trying to put people off commenting? You know I only accept lithe, nubile, FEMALE candidates.
I’m next. You better believe it. Well me or Bono, it’s very hard to live up to that level of piety.
Cardinal Wako it is then
Pope Wako the first – has a ncie ring to it dontcha think?
Ok, it’s official, I’ll handle the girls, Damien has consented to look after the boys.
Think nothing of it boss.
Funnily enough, I was going to put money on the Nigerian. Paddy Powers are offering 11-4 and I want him to win anyway. I don’t understand Blather.net’s endorsement of David Norris, you know. President? Pope? What’s that all about? Can he sing?
what’s a lith female?
repellent to water?
“My money’s on that little beauty there” – Father Dougal Maguire
It would appear I have rather unfortunate timing when posting a comment.
Ian Paisley for Pope!
If I win, can I masturbate?
I told my boss today that I was deeply distressed and upset and could not concentrate on my work. She said she understood (sniffle, sniffle) and what did I suggest we do? I replied, we should down tools and go to that restaurant down the road, ‘Il Fornaio’. ‘Why? she asked. I replied ‘well with the italian connection and all…maybe if we ordered some latte’s…I just think it would bring us closer to him, you know?’ I got promoted later….
PS. Hope this poor unfortunate bastard (oops there’s that word again) Dave, has plenty of change..er…for the condom vending machine…
is dave hot, like?
Dave, win lose what’s the difference? 😀
Elaine – probably not at the moment seeing as how he’s 69 degrees north and all that….. 😉
Elaine – I washed my face in the Barents Sea this morning, about 450km north of the Arctic Circle. So no, more liked ‘chilled’.
Hey just a minute – see sometime around day 2, will all the candidates line up to do a wee jig for us? Maybe we could hear their renditions of “I Say A Little Prayer” I think they should really, otherwise I just don’t really see how I can make up my mind……
“Father Ted” bookies long-shot to be new Pope
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The race is on to succeed John Paul II as pope and bookmakers are already getting in on the act. But not all the candidates are quite what they seem.
According to The Washington Post on Tuesday, gamblers can back Cardinal Dionigi Tettamanzi of Italy at odds of 11 to 4. “Or they can take their chances on Father Dougal Maguire of Craggy Island, Ireland, a long shot at 1,000 to 1.”
But the Post’s reporter was unaware of a key detail that, generous odds aside, would make canny bettors take a pass on Father Dougal.
He is a fictional character.
More accurately spelled McGuire, he appeared in the hit television comedy “Father Ted,” which followed the antics of an eccentric group of Catholic priests on a small island off the west coast of Ireland.
The clueless Dougal is described by Channel 4 as “one of God’s ‘special’ creatures,” but even so, he is not thought likely to assume the throne of St. Peter.
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