North

Counting Down to 22 January 2013

2011-01-28T16:36:22Z

22 January. Free dog food to the 13th customer after 8.13pm, i.e. 2013 hours, a tribute to the year 2013 using the 24 hr clock.

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The 13th customer poses with her dog food. The crate at her right hand has a role to play tonight.

Essays written using random essay generators...

...are placed around the room.

A mysterious crate that's been in the cellar for 50 years. At 2200 hours on 22 January, the box will be opened.

A closeup of the crate and its mysterious hieroglyphics.

2200 hours. The Devil has been nominated to undertake the opening ceremony. In his right hand, The Devil holds a hammer, with which to pry the crate open, Devil-style.

Empty...

...apart from this tiny piece of paper, 32 x 43mm.

This Year's Christmas Song

2010-12-18T22:55:08Z

Hanging from my Ikea CD towers is the latest Christmas CD from the Micronomicon label, Christmas Postmas, which features a certain Xmas recording I had a hand in: Dr Sno and the Santamangas - 'Tomorrow Never Knew What Yesterday Will Be' (aka 'From Christmas With Love'). We present the mp3 here on Blather.net as an Xmas gift to YOU, in case you intend to waste the holiday season on the sofa watching James Bond flicks.

Mp3.

Talking with the Center of the Universe about Poetry

2010-05-26T20:09:31Z

Here's the story. Back in May 2008, I publicized a DJ set that a friend an I were doing with the text below. The event took place on 16 May, the night before Norway's national holiday, and the text was presented as 16 reasons why you should spend the night at our event:

]]> 1. You are looking for that vague "something more". 2. You think life "should mean something". 3. You find yourself "stranded" and "adrift" yet you feel there is a way out of this scenario. 4. You find yourself "in Norway" but you don't know why. 5. You have money and you don't know how to spend it. 6. You have a thirst and you don't know how to quench it. 7. You have ears but you don't know what you should be listening to. 8. You need to react. 9. You need to experience at least a few moments of happiness 'ere you die. 10. You are afraid of May 17th. 11. You are afraid of your own shadow, and think we can help you. 12. You laugh in the face of destiny. 13. You laugh in the face of random chance. 14. You know we hold the gateway to eternity, but you are not sure where we have hidden it. 15. You cannot remember any other date, place, time or people, other than the date, place, time and people of this event. 16. You are us.

This prompted the musician JÃ¸rgen Skjulstad, aka Center of the Universe (yes, with the American spelling), to ask if he could use some of my 'reasons' as lyrics. Now, two years later, the song 'I know the meaning of life, but I won't tell you' has been released on the new Center of the Universe album, Levitating Disk . The credits on the CD read: 'lyrics on #8 based on a poem by Barry Kavanagh'. You can hear the song on lastfm to listen to how selections from the text have been cleverly bashed into song rhythm, versed and refrained.

Also this year, I rejoined Hanny and we played support to Center of the Universe at the album launch at MÃ¥nefisken in Oslo on 14 May. The photo above documents the COU concert. Those are 3 and a half inch disks. After the show I was sticking them to people's foreheads, sorry about that.

Scream Scene

2010-05-13T19:06:12Z

In my blog entry of 6 March 2006, I described my attempt to go to the spot on the hill of Ekeberg overlooking Oslo which provides the setting for Scandinavia's most famous painting, The Scream by Edvard Munch. There was too much snow for me to make it up the trail that time. Four years later, a friend who frequented the spot walked me up there. If it wasn't for her it would undoubtedly have slipped my mind forever, but here at last are some modern photos of the Scream scene.

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Here I am on the spot, standing around looking as normal and un-Scream like as possible. This is supposed to be the exact location but with plenty of un-1893 trees and you'll notice the fence is nothing like the straight diagonal line in the painting. I suppose an earlier fence existed in 1893.

I am familiar with two versions of the painting, the one in Oslo's National Gallery and the one at the Munch Museum, also in Oslo. In the National Gallery version (above), you can see a tower in the blue area on the right hand side of the picture. This is the tower of the madhouse where Munch used to visit his incarcerated sister. That building still stands beneath Ekeberg but the human figure in the painting would have to be much lower down the path for the tower to appear behind him at that angle, and I think the hill would have blocked the view of the fjord. For this scene to include both the fjord and the tower, I believe artistic license has been used; this is expressionism after all.

In the Munch Museum version of the painting, there is no tower. In the same relative position, there is merely an area of darkness.

This is the view from the spot today. As you can see, there's been much building and growth of vegetation in the intervening century. The madhouse cannot be seen here: it is further to the right and I found it too difficult to photograph through foliage.

Much further up, at the top of the hill, one gets the best view of the fjord:

I'll leave the final words to Edvard Munch:

I was walking along a path with two friends--the sun was setting--suddenly the sky turned blood red--I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence--there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city--my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety--and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.

All Places, Infinite Time

2009-02-23T00:08:25Z

Hi - I have a personal message for North readers at the end of this blog entry. But first read about my latest exploits:

This year at the non-corporate Oslo music festival By;Alarm (which occurs at exactly the same time as the more commercial music festival By:Larm), Dacianos played at Mir, but the band was reduced to... well, just me.

'The rest of the band are in jail,' I announced at the start of the show. I had seen some guy on stage say this years ago, can't remember who, but it's a good way to start.

]]> I played 'Polyxo's Ghosts' at the piano keyboard, then I introduced the small keyboard from 1989 on which I played 'Ridiculous!' I introduced the song by dedicating it to anyone whose psychiatrist has psychiatric problems. That didn't seem to get a reaction so I said 'Judging by your reaction, it's the wrong audience'.

I had to stand up then to explain what I was going to do with the microcassette recorder that was held together with gaffa tape. As people seemed to be amused at what I was saying, it made it easier to go on a bit about the recordings of me reading texts, which would be playing behind two songs.

I got down on the floor, played the harmonium and sang the song 'Lighthouse Beam' over a text about Wandsworth Park. Then, when the spoken word switched to an excerpt from a novel I finished writing ten years ago (What the Ostrich Sees in the Sand, the part where Frances goes to the art exhibition), I stood up, switched to guitar and sang 'The Ebbing Tide'. That microcassette recording was also interspersed with me in bed singing some notes that I dreamt, and a bit of guitar too. I started playing the same guitar as on the microcassette, playing it over the final bit of text.

'Now for something unusual,' I announced, as if everything up to that point hadn't been. I introduced my guest singer Trond Arne Vangen, turned on the 80s keyboard backing track, and away we went with the fairly weird pop song 'Sabina', now with an added 'piano section'. That was the grand finale.

Later a guy from one of the other bands said my show was 'inspiring'. Trond Arne's analysis was that I 'took risks all the time'. The next day another friend of mine confused listeners when she described my show as 'experimental', i.e. instead of 'pop music'. Maybe it was both...?

By;Alarm 2009 was a lot of work! We hosted a lot of bands and DJs at Sound of Mu over the three days and nights, and I also spent my time at the other stages (Mir and Mandelbrot) to see various friends' bands. One specific joy for me was seeing Masselys at Mandelbrot, because they played a couple of things I co-wrote with them in Berlin, so it was good to see people dancing to that particular music.

Personal message: I need to take a break from blogging for a little while, so North will now be going on hiatus. I need more time these days for other things that feel urgent. Firstly, I'm taking an exam in Norwegian alcohol laws (!). Secondly, I have a Dacianos album to finish. It's got everything from lush chamber music to 80s keyboard disasters on it and it will be just great. Thirdly and most importantly, I have been plagued by the unfinished novel I've been working on since 1 September 2004 (after all this time I have crawled to page 167). It proceeds very slowly, but I've been writing it so carefully that it won't need multiple drafts. At this stage, I don't want to be writing anything else, so North needs to take a rest until my abilities can be diverted this way again. When North returns, I'll announce it on the Dacianos mailing list and elsewhere. Meanwhile, check out the main Blather.net site (I hope you realized North is part of a gratuitously famous and hideously successful group of blogs). On the Globaleyes blog, there's this thing called 'The Game' running at the moment, and in the main Blather blog, there's an interesting entry from a Frenchwoman living in Dublin. Also on the Zeitgeist blog, you can keep up to date with all the non-mainstream news stories that we try to highlight. Sometimes we get it wrong and highlight news that isn't ignored by the mainstream media (really sorry about that)... There's also a blog called Shitegeist, a kind of satire of the Zeitgeist. Or is it...?

Sounds complicated? Blather.net is just that kind of institution, so please waste your complicated and idle hours there.

Premium Bananas Music Hall

2009-02-16T11:23:53Z

About a year and a half ago, artists Trond Arne Vangen and Frode Fivel completely changed our bar with cardboard and convincingly made it look like an old-fashioned bar with old-style wood furnishings. Now the duo are back with more cardboard, with a concept based on a banana box. I've got some photos here, which should show you (especially readers who have been here) how dramatic a change this is to the normal use of the space.

]]> Here's what a standard banana box looks like:

Trond Arne and Frode then built a giant one of these, and plonked it right in the middle of the bar, where it has become a kind of stage.

The DJs who are performing here are actually wearing cardboard dresses.

Trond Arne posed from the camera, 'backstage', behind the cardboard, and behind the cardboard costumes.

But he is not averse to trying on a cardboard dress himself.

Trond Arne will be performing with me in a special Dacianos performance, during the By;alarm festival 2009. The show is at Mir, Toftesgate 69, Oslo, 20 February, 8 p.m.

Premium Bananas Music Hall runs at Sound of Mu, Markveien 58, Oslo, until 1 March.

Wollstonecraft's Letters

2009-02-08T12:53:02Z

Mary Wollstonecraft, remembered for A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792), and for having died from giving birth to Mary Shelley, also travelled through Scandinavia in the summer of 1795, and wrote of her experiences in Letters Written During a Short Residence in Sweden, Norway and Denmark, which I've been reading. Here's some excerpts for you...

]]> The northern origin of humanity
(from Letter V)
'So far from thinking that the primitive inhabitants of the world lived in a southern climate, where Paradise spontaneously arose, I am led to infer, from various circumstances, that the first dwelling of man happened to be a spot like this which led him to adore a sun so seldom seen; for his worship, which probably preceded that of demons or demi-gods, certainly never began in a southern climate, where the continual presence of the sun prevented its being considered as a good; or rather the want of it never being felt, this glorious luminary would carelessly have diffused its blessings without being hailed as a benefactor. Man must therefore have been placed in the north, to tempt him to run after the sun, in order that the different parts of the earth might be peopled.'

What is different about Norwegians
(from Letter V)
'Behold us now in Norway; and I could not avoid feeling surprise at observing the difference in the manners of the inhabitants of the two sides of the river; for every thing shews that the Norwegians are more industrious and more opulent. The Swedes, for neighbours are seldom the best friends, accuse the Norwegians of knavery, and they retaliate by bringing a charge of hypocrisy against the Swedes.'

The girls of Tonsberg
(from Letter VIII)
'I had expected to meet some company; yet was a little disconcerted at being ushered into an apartment full of well-dressed people; and, glancing my eyes round, they rested on several pretty faces. Rosy cheeks, sparkling eyes, and light brown or golden locks; for I never saw so much hair with a yellow cast; and, with their fine complexions, it looked very becoming. These women seem a mixture of indolence and vivacity; they scarcely ever walk out, and were astonished that I should, for pleasure; yet they are immoderately fond of dancing.'

A guide to Oslo
(from Letter XIV)
'Christiania is a clean, neat city; but it has none of the graces of architecture, which ought to keep pace with the refining manners of a people - or the outside of the house will disgrace the inside; giving the beholder an idea of overgrown wealth devoid of taste. Large square wooden houses offend the eye...'

Inquiries after monsters
(from Letter XV)
'I almost forgot to tell you, that I did not leave Norway without making some inquiries after the monsters said to have been seen in the northern sea; but though I conversed with several captains, I could not meet with one who had ever heard any traditional description of them, much less had any ocular demonstration of their existence. Till the fact be better ascertained, I should think the account of them ought to be torn out of our Geographical Grammars.'

The White Cliffs of Dover
(from Letter XXV)
'...now I have only to tell you, that, at the sight of Dover cliffs, I wondered how any body could term them grand; they appear so insignificant to me, after those I had seen in Sweden and Norway.'

Norwegian invention: The Cheese Slicer

2009-02-01T18:18:15Z

The Norwegian Thor Bjørklund (1889-1975), like Jesus, was a once humble carpenter, until he was gripped by a visionary thought...

]]> Thor, a native of Lillehammer, liked his cheese slices thin. But god damn it, he couldn't get those cheese slices thin enough! He then had the crazy idea of using his carpentry tools in the kitchen. His experiments with a carpenter's plane on a lump of cheese were such a success, he designed the cheese slicer we know and love today, basing it on the plane.

On 27 February 1925 he was awarded a patent, and 27 February ever since has been celebrated as osteskorperdagen, 'cheese-parings day', the biggest holiday in the Norwegian calendar, when everyone gorges themselves on thin slices of cheese in the cold, icy streets.

Having now reached the depths of utter trivia, here ends our series on Norwegian inventions.

The Arm

2009-01-25T14:59:41Z

'Don't make fun of the Arm!' Tori warned, as I departed from the museum.

But I have no intention of doing so. I'm a great admirer of the Arm, in all its blue, grey and silver majesty.

]]> The Arm (pictured) is the, eh, colleague of Tori, a friend of mine who is an archaeologist - an underwater archaeologist, no less - working at Norsk SjÃ¸fartsmuseum, the Norwegian Maritime Museum, which sits at the water on the edge of the Oslo Fjord.

Many's the time she has been off duty, drinking at my bar, telling me about the Arm, who she felt was probably lonely there in the museum on his own. What fascinated me about the Arm, and the reason I went to see him, was that Tori told me he had many more joints than the human arm, thus can claim to be... superior. You can see his shoulder in the picture, and his elbow, but his 'wrist' is where it's at: it can turn 360 degrees.

What is the purpose of the Arm?

Tori took me away from the public entrance to the museum and took me down a long corridor and then into a darkened room where she revealed to me a big tank full of recently discovered bits of sunken boats from past centuries. Then she took me down to where she worked, a kind of workshop, where the Arm stood pointing at a plank of wood. She explained that the wood came from a boat from 1665. What Toris is doing is using the Arm to measure the contours of the piece of wood, and by measuring many such pieces, she will gain an accurate measurement of the complete boat. The beauty of the Arm is that its measurement is more accurate than some human hand measuring with pencil and paper. Its 'single point accuracy' is 0.146mm. Its other beauty is that it can measure in three dimensions. Each plank, once measured, appears on the computer screen in 3D. Here you can see a whole part of the boat reconstructed on the screen. The complete boat will be used to create a model for the museum:

I asked Tori if she and the archaeological community look back on past reconstuctions and models, based on hand-drawings rather than the Arm, and laugh at the primitive work. Tori laughed at my question, but then she answered yes, but I don't know if that's the truth - she may have been indulging my imagination.

The Arm was made by Faro, who seem to make an abundance of interesting technology.

Anyway, I hope that in these few words and pictures I have made the Arm, who is never seen by the public, more appreciated and well-known, and that in doing so I have not made fun of him. But, publish and be damned, as they say.

Norwegian invention? The Paper Clip

2009-01-18T22:33:37Z

North is back from its unplanned hiatus (I was recording music: a still-unfinished Dacianos innspilling) and I type this as parked cars disappear beneath the white blankets of snow and the air is filled with small white angels falling in heavenly silence. Or something. Anyhow, as the winter bites and the outskirts of the city fall prey to Polar Bear attacks, I fearlessly report to you, my worldwide readership, on one of the most controversial subjects in Norwegian culture: the invention of the paperclip.

Aye, the paperclip. Binders it's called in Norwegian. Why is it so important to Norway? There was a 7-metre paperclip erected as a monument to it in 1989, Norwegian patriots during the Nazi occupation wore paperclips in the 1940s, and I even found a paperclip in the shower the other day. The paperclip lies at the heart of the Norwegian experience - yet there is great uncertainty about it. The Norwegian-ness of the object is shrouded in considerable doubt.

]]> Norwegian inventor Johan Vaaler (1866-1910) was granted a patent in Germany and the USA for a paperclip in 1901. His invention, however, had only one turn of the wire, so was far less ingenious than the paperclip we have today, which has two turns. In fact Vaaler's paperclip was never manufactured.

The two-turn paperclip we know and love was actually never patented. According to the relevant article on Wikipedia, 'it was most likely in production in Britain as early as 1890 by "The Gem Manufacturing Company"'. Wikipedia's article goes on to state that 'Definite proof that the modern type of paper clip was well known in 1899 at the latest is the patent granted to William Middlebrook of Waterbury, Connecticut on April 27 of that year for a "Machine for making wire paper clips". The drawing clearly shows that the product is a perfect clip of the Gem type.'

That didn't stop Norwegians from believing that Vaaler was the unsung hero of the paperclip, and Norwegian books stated this simply as a fact. This happened in the 1950s, after World War II. The wearing of the paperclip in lapels as a symbol of national unity under the Nazi occupation came first. The occupiers would not allow people to wear flag pins, so the humble paperclip, symbolizing the 'binding' of the Norwegian people together, seemed like a good replacement. The Norwegianization of the paperclip thus happened before the claim to having invented it was ever promulgated. The occupation is also the origin of the emotional connection between these northern tribes and their totem clip.

Ironically, 'Operation Paperclip' was the name the Americans gave to their whisking away of Nazi rocket scientists and nuclear physicists to the USA for future use in the the evils of the Cold War.

So now you know.

Statistic Time Again

2008-12-01T03:13:39Z

About once a year, I almost gaze down from my Arctic tower to the (alleged) world below, but then I realize I don't need to do this, because my loyal servants are able to fax me statistics upon which I can pontificate (if, that is, I feel like pontificating). This year, I'll fill you in on gross national income, press freedom and higher education, three subjects you are no doubt fascinated by.

]]> GNI
Every year a list of countries is published by the World Bank, ranked by Gross National Income (GNI) per capita: 'according to the Atlas Method, an indicator of income developed by the World Bank'. The Wikipedia definition of GNI says it 'comprises the total value produced within a country (i.e. its Gross Domestic Product), together with its income received from other countries (notably interest and dividends), less similar payments made to other countries'. The World Bank's calculations are based on the previous year, i.e. 2007, and the latest statistics for 2007 (published in October 2008) rank Liechtenstein's and Bermuda's economies on top. Next comes the country where I'm living, Norway, and the always-wealthy Luxembourg is in fourth place. The absolute monarchy Qatar, (home to the freedom-loving U.S. Al Udeid Air Base), comes fifth. Ireland is 12th, Sweden 14th, USA 15th (I can hear them now at some rally: 'We're number fifteen! We're number fifteen!' with some John McCain-type saying, 'Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the fifteenth greatest nation on Earth.(Cheers, applause.)'), and the UK comes 19th (although the Isle of Man is 18th). The West Bank-and-Gaza ranks a respectable #148 (considering), and Burundi comes last at #209, although there are no statistics for Afghanistan or Iraq (maybe they're included in #15).

Press Freedom Index 2008
This index, the latest of which covers the 12 months 1 September 2007 to 1 September 2008, is published by Reporters Sans Frontières (Reporters Without Borders). It is a great gauge of the right to free speech. The economic crisis formerly known as Iceland comes 1st, as the country with most press freedom, joint 1st with Luxembourg and Norway (me again). Three countries also share fourth place: Estonia, Finland and Ireland (something to be proud of there). The United Kingdom, always lagging behind Ireland these days is joint 23rd with Hungary and Namibia. The USA is joint 36th with a whole bunch of tiny nations ('We're number thirty-six! We're number thirty-six! Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the thirty-sixth greatest nation on Earth.(Cheers, applause.)'). Eritrea comes last at #173.

World University Rankings 2008

The Times Higher Education supplement ranks the world's top 200 universities each year, based on six criteria: peer review score, employer review score, staff/student score, citations/staff score, international staff score and international student score. This year's results have Harvard and Yale on top (the USA can do some things right), with Cambridge and Oxford next (ditto the UK). In fact, of the top 15 universities, 11 are in the US and 4 are in the UK. The best university in Scandinavia is the University of Copenhagen (#48), and Sweden has 4 universities on the list. Ireland makes it onto the list with Trinity at #49 and UCD (where I was educated) at #108. The University of Oslo is #177, which just isn't good enough, is it? Shall I stroll around the streets of Oslo, parading myself as a product of superior education, then?

We Celebrated No Music Day

2008-11-25T00:29:03Z

Yes, No Music Day came around on 21 November (this past weekend) and we put on an event to honour it. The brainchild of KLF/K-Foundation musician/artist Bill Drummond, ours was one of a number of No Music events worldwide, as listed on the17.org and penkilnburn.com, the main event being in Brazil this year.

What's No Music Day?

]]> 'No Music Day is on 21 November because 22 November is St Cecilia's Day. St Cecilia is the patron saint of music. In many countries 22 November was the day chosen to give thanks for and to celebrate the existence of music' - nomusicday.com.

Therefore, we banned music from our music venue for 24 hours, and didn't listen to any music at all until midnight of the 22nd, when our designated DJ put on some 50s Trinidadian calypso (for the record, "Fed-a-ray" by Lord Beginner, if you ever want to try it). But until then, we made the best of the lack of tunes. We put on performances by an author, Ragnar Hovland, and our resident poet Stein Holte, and people simply conversed to no soundtrack. I put a notice on the wall asking people not to touch the triangles dangling there, and no-one actually gave in to temptation.

Why have No Music Day? Well, we were on the radio on Friday morning and I made the point that there's a big difference between buying an album to listening to, and being bombarded with 80s hits as you walk down the street to buy a loaf of bread. Music seems to be everywhere and in everything these days, and it's worth it just to shut it off once a year to actually stop and think about it.

Drummond conceived of No Music Day as a 5-year plan and this is year four, so 22 November 2009 will be the last No Music Day ('officially'). Get yourselves ready for that one - we should try to make it bigger next time, with your help!

Stayin' Alive with Masselys in Berlin

2008-11-01T20:21:19Z

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'!

I was in Berlin for a whirlwind overdrive week in late October with the Norwegian band Masselys. This is the band Bjarne, Jomba and Kjell-Olav formed earlier this year when Salvatore split up. The band also consists of Jonas (from 120 Days) and a singer called P.A. with no previous records. I was with them to play on the album they were recording with German producer Boris Wilsdorf, who famously records and mixes Einstürzende Neubauten. andereBaustelle Tonstudio was a studio with a difference, as you can see from the metal hanging behind the drumkit. During the week I also got to see much more of Berlin, so I've revised my opinion of the city from last time. Come join me on this musical travelogue...

]]> Mo
Monday night I arrived, finding the band in an apartment in Charlotteburg owned by a Norwegian songwriting organization. Charlotteburg is like the posh, westside of Oslo, except it has giant sex cinemas. Most of the band and I wandered around looking for a bar until we found a place where they served 100 different beers, as well as food. I didn't order 100 beers though; I had maybe two.

Di
In the morning I accompanied the band on the train to the studio.

Masselys: Jomba, Kjell-Olav, Bjarne, Jonas, PA.

This was day #4 of the recording. In the morning's 'jam session', which began each recording day, I played the fender rhodes. The studio was a very impressive environment and the sound was incredible. Apart from the vocal booth, everyone was able to play together in the room. A simple wooden partition separated the drumkit. There were mics everywhere. Boris did live mixing and effects as we played.

The rest of the day I spent on my own. I can't remember what I did. I went looking for a supermarket. I played the piano in the 'songwriter' apartment. I investigated German TV. I enjoyed the relaxing holiday so I didn't join the band who apparently went out clubbing. But Bjarne came back so I had a couple of beers with him in the apartment.

Mi
This was the band's 'official' day off. At this point, Jonas had to go back to Oslo. But that didn't mean the group got smaller. A couple of friends - Jon and Olaus - had by now arrived not to play on the album but to hang out. Bjarne and I rented bicycles and spent the day exploring the city. We discovered that there is actually economic activity in Berlin; the city as a whole is not a run-down post-apocalyptic wasteland. There are upmarket shops, businesses and cafés... We found large affluent homes on the western city limits on the way to the forest - it was a kind of "Terror Couple Kill Colonel" setting.

That night we met the others at Alexanderplatz and went up the tower (a tourist trap). By then we were joined by the Canaria-based Tore Boe, the inventor of the acoustic laptop, who was in Germany to play live. After some weissbier, we made our way to Mitte. By coincidence our friend Justin was over in Berlin to see Geoff Berner (humorous Canadian singer-accordionist) play. On the way, Jon, Olaus, Jomba and I had a dinner consisting of pig's knees. And beer. At the Geoff Berner concert I remember being quite drunk. I wasn't sure which way was up. Half the bar had smoking allowed, and half not, which was bizarre. The bicycles then became albatrosses, as Bjarne's got a puncture. Bjarne, Tore and I got as far as Alexanderplatz with the bikes, before we realized there was no train to Charlotteburg for hours. Bjarne locked his bike up there. I used mine to go down the up escalator with childish joy, but, convinced that I was permanently in the same position, Tore and Bjarne left on some bus without me. This I realized when I reached the bottom of the escalator. My eyes blurred for a moment as my real brain switched on! With this tool, I was able to cycle and find my way back to Charlotteburg. When I got back everyone was still up, drinking, looking slightly frazzled.

Do
The next day I joined the band in the studio for most of the day (skipping the morning part). We did a lot of work overdubbing onto a song called "One More Thing". I was playing the hammond organ, but after we decided it was wrong, Boris and I discussed playing the bass pedals only, as a kind of drone. So that's what I did. They tell me it worked well but I haven't heard the results.

Me on the bass pedals

The 'other half' of the studio, Marco Paschke, was there all day to enjoy the atmosphere. He had a different name for his dog each time someone asked.

Marco and Boris

There followed a series of freeform jams, including improvised vocals from PA, all of which turned out remarkably well (wait til you hear the album). I played guitar and fender rhodes. One of the songs Jomba said was the highlight of his career! About the 'dark disco' nature of the material, Kjell-Olav's comment was: 'Stayin' Alive in Berlin'.

Most of us hit Trinkteufel, the punk bar in Kreuzberg, that night, and then Jomba, Kjell-Olav, Jon, Olaus and I went on to another bar that by coincidence had a Jagermeister promotion going on. There was free Jagermeister in test tubes served from the mouths of identical-looking girls who were probably wearing black wigs. Someone dressed head-to-toe as some kind of antlered beast wandered around the dancefloor. I lied to the DJ and told him it was Fela Kuti's birthday (actually October 15th not 22nd), so that he would play our favourite song.

Fr
Ashes. The day after Jagermeister I felt like a bag of ashes! Olaus was gone by now. I hung out with Jon, doing absolutely nothing, until he had to catch his flight. I was revived by the band who returned from their final day in the studio, and accompanied them to the album release party of Neubauten's Jochen Arbeit, which Boris and Marco also attended. I asked Boris if he'd miss the Norwegians, after this fun week. He said something like "We did it, it was good, and it doesn't go away." After the show I got talking to one of Jochen's collaborators, a gaffa-tape destroyer (Vanja is how I'd spell her name but I don't know how to spell Portugese names), and she introduced me to Jochen. Their project is small-scale enough for us to put on in Oslo, maybe. I'll talk to them in future about it... Tore by now was back in town, and Andrew Chudy (N.U. Unruh) from Neubauten showed up. Enthusiastically, the latter took us on a journey through the streets to a bar that he thought was open (it turned out to be closed, but it was the last 'real' squat in East Berlin). During this long journey he showed us his admiration for various East German aluminium doors along the way.

(I asked him what happened to the dramatic spinning-disc-with-bells from "Headcleaner". He said he still has it.)

Sa
The next night was probably the strangest. We wended our way through the silent, cobblestoned streets of Neukoln to Sowieso, a bar and, er, puppet theatre, where Tore was co-organizing a night of 'field recording' performances in the back room. Masselys were somehow to perform at this quiet affair. The barman eyed them suspiciously. There were six children asleep in the room above, and they were not to be awakened.

So, two guys performed with their field recordings, including Alexandre Deoupigny who is interested in playing in Oslo gave me a cd, "Piano Cycle Rework: L'Ambience d'un Piano Illusione". When it came time for the band to play, Tore gave a long introduction about why he invited a rock band (albeit with a drumkit reduced to a suitcase and some cymbals) to play a field recording festival. I won't repeat that long, involved, entertaining speech here! Bjarne also launched into his own introduction, saying the band had 'picked up' something on the street outside and recorded it into their brains. They started up their low-volume performance and everyone burst out laughing when PA launched into the Bee Gees' Stayin' Alive. They followed it with one of their own songs, which they managed to play quieter and quieter. It was a comedic site-specific performance and no children woke up.

Tore performed afterwards, playing his acoustic laptop and repeating verbally some strange airport intercom announcements. Andrew Chudy joined us as it ended. I talked to him briefly as he watched a humorous couple apparently practising shoving each other around on the street.

The barman liked us now, and gave us a free bottle of champagne. PA and Jomba eventually went off to find techno to dance to. Only Jomba had the energy to match PA's youth. I know it is a mistake to try to keep up. Jomba never claims to feel like a bag of ashes...

So
The next day three of the band left Charlotteburg to pick up their stuff from Sowieso and then go to the airport. PA, Tore and I remained for one more night. I went out with Tore to an Irish Bar near the Zoo Station. It was underneath a shopping centre. A covers band was playing "Ring of Fire", "Billie Jean" and "Knockin' on Heaven's Door". Two girls, probably friends of the band, danced. Innocent-looking young tourists sat up the front, seemingly unaware of the nearby sleaze. Tore thought he could detect a coke influence in the way some people stared. Hookers sat alone waiting to be picked up. Outside there were undercover cops. A German decadent Irish bar.

Mo
On the final day, a guy came to clean up the apartment, which left me and PA on the street with about 100 empty beer bottles.

UNiK

2008-10-29T19:17:58Z

You may remember that back in April and May 2007 I reported on the plight of small businesses in my part of Oslo (Grünerløkka). Since then, over 70 of these businesses - including Sound of Mu (pictured) - have banded together to form an organization called UNiK, which even has a discount card for sale.

]]> The UNiK card can also be used in London, in any of the shops that are members of Wedge.

Here's what UNiK has to say about itself:

"UNiK GrÃ¼nerlÃ¸kka was founded on the 11th May 2007. It is a movement consisting of residents, artists, shop owners and other concerned individuals who live or have their work in and around GrÃ¼nerlÃ¸kka. We want to take care of this diverse borough, which we believe is one of Oslo's most important social spaces.

UNiK is politically independent. We believe that a diverse district benefits everyone, regardless of political view. We want to co-operate with local authorities, and would like a constructive dialogue with all parties.

UNiK have seen an explosion in rental prices that has resulted in the small, independent shops disappearing and being replaced by chain stores and and estate agents. We encourage people to show more respect and take responsibility in the design of the quarter.

UNiK encourages all residents and visitors to take care of GrÃ¼nerlÃ¸kka - by supporting independent businesses and by showing respect for the environment in the area.

UNiK will promote local art and culture, and contribute to organise cultural events.

UNiK is a city wide movement which, in the long term, want to include other neighbourhoods of Oslo to follow our initiative. We know that many of the residents of Oslo are committed to preserving a unique urban environment."

Have a look at the Sound of Mu page I manage on the UNiK site, where you can see the above picture of Mu, Lars, me and Bjarne enlarged.

The Norwegian Way

2008-10-19T21:43:50Z

Is there anything about Norway I am reticent to investigate? Certainly not. On North I get ever closer to the heart of the matter, and tonight I reveal something very essential to this depopulated Scandinavian nation.

I don't know whether tonight's subject is a Norwegian invention or a Norwegian cultural practice, but it's something you have to learn if you live here: how to open a beer bottle, the Norwegian way.

Gaze upon the picture above. See the beer bottle? It isn't open. There is beer inside. We need to get the beer out. This is not an Australian-style screw-top bottle, so you can't use the palm of your hand. And don't use your teeth, you reckless idiot! And no no no you cannot resort to using a bottle opener; that might be all well and good inside the E.U. but it is not the Norwegian way.

I'll tell you what you need.

]]>

You need a cigarette lighter. At a party in Norway there may be one bottle opener, or none, but cigarette lighters will be found in abundance.

This is how to hold the beer bottle. Note that the side of the thumb blocks one side of the bottle cap. This is to stop the cap flying into your eye later on in the operation. The cigarette lighter goes underneath the bottle cap on the opposite side.

This is how to hold the cigarette lighter. As you can see, you need two hands: one for the bottle and one for the lighter. So whoever told you earlier in your life that you "could afford to lose one arm" had, as you suspected, no intelligence.

And now you apply pressure! By pushing the lighter down, you are pushing the bottle cap up. There will be a "Pssh!" sound, which you won't hear if you do this really fast.

"Pop!" The cap comes off, safely. It is now held in the hand that had gripped the bottle, rather than stuck deep in your eyeball. The other hand retains its hold on the lighter, which also didn't do anything dangerous.

The mission was an enormous success.

Now pour the useless beer down the sink, buy another bottle, and start again.

Update: A reader has contacted me to report that "The same method has been applied in Czechoslovakia and later in the Czech Rep for generations too! I am happy to report. More refined ways include keys and door hinges as well."