DUBLIN – In a bid to make daily television more relevant to a broader audience, RTE have announced that as of Monday 9th August, the bongs of the Angelus (a daily broadcast of a bell ringing for the duration of one minute, accompanied by images of people pausing in contemplation) will be replaced with great, roaring blasts of noise, recently heard in Christopher Nolan’s box-office smash, Inception.
Images of local Irish people enjoying quiet moments of contemplation will be replaced by scenes of Irish people having earth-shattering, life-altering, brain-fucking, nervous system-shredding revelations about the sheer futility of their lives, their insignificant place in the greater scheme of the universe and a general feeling of being about as important as a smudge on a discarded laboratory slide.
Inspired by Hans Zimmer’s score for the hit movie, the new Angelus will (according to sources at the national broadcaster) provide a ‘crucial counterpoint to the daily humdrum of Irish life in a time of recession’ showing average Irish men and women being crushed under the weight of the realisation that that house they bought, that Porsche they had imported through Belfast and that long-awaited IKEA store are about as spiritually fulfilling as a trip to a seventy-five cent Eden Quay titty-bar and that their entire lives have been one giant, pathetic lie in order to make a gang of bankers even richer than they were before.
More as we get it.
Picture from State Library of New South Wales collection, found on Flickr Commons