‘What’s that Hoppy? CIA planes are re-fuelling at Irish airports as they transport people abroad for torture?’
Ooo yeah. This is just great news. A circus kangaroo, named ‘Sydney’, has escaped from the touring party he was with near the southern Irish port of Kinsale and made off into the local hills. Now re-named ‘Hoppy’ by locals, the AWOL marsupial seems to have quickly gained local affection.
‘What’s that Hoppy? Shell are building a gas line across the country and fucking up the local environment?’
Local farmer John Walsh explains:
“He would be happy out there and he’ll have plenty of grass, plenty of water and plenty of sunshine,” Walsh told Reuters on Wednesday as Ireland basked in near record temperatures more typical of Sydney’s native Australia than Ireland’s temperate maritime climate.
‘What’s that Hoppy? People are dying by their thousands on the roads and the Government has appointed a washed-out game show host to solve the problem?’
Of course this isn’t the first time that non-native, or exotic animals have been reported wandering around Ireland. Over the last nine years, Blather has reported on the mass of ABC’s (Alien Big Cats) and the other assorted beasties that have sent farmers and old women scurrying for their lives across the 32 counties. Make sure to check out the archives for more. There’s a lot in there…
‘What’s that Hoppy? There’s a shower of greedy, grasping, fumble in the greasy till, intellectually redundant wankbags running the country?’
Rumours abound about what will become of Hoppy. Fine Gael rushed out an urgent statement this morning, quickly scotching rumours that Hoppy would be running for local office. Ronan Keating was heard on local radio, claiming that he and Hoppy had been in a teenage boy-band together – and explaining that the Aussie had to go after a difficult incident involving a key, the side of someone’s car, a psychotically jealous female roo and a handycam-filmed romp with a un-named Irish wallabee. Former Heavyweight champion Steve Collins was said to be lining up a 15 round bout in the Pheonix park and Chelsea Football club have dispatched six Russian heavies, armed with hammers, bananas and a suitcase stuffed with sixteen million pounds.
All about Roos