Irish Catholic Church Sets Up Premium Rate Sex Line for Priests

Well, Holy God. It’s not often we hear news that truly gobsmacks us here at Blather High Command, but this week we’ve seen news that suggests that the Catholic Church is about to exit the dark ages:

DUBLIN: The Catholic Church in Ireland said on Thursday that it had opened a Vatican-backed hotline for sexually confused priests, in an effort to address the abuse scandals that have rocked the country over the last few decades.

The hotline, which will be staffed by retired nuns, and part-funded by the taxpayer and premium phone charges, aims to help relieve sexually frustrated members of the clergy of their burden, as well as steering them away from the sin of homosexuality, according to a spokesman for the Archbishop of Dublin, Diarmuid Martin.

“It’s clear that one of the main factors in the regrettable cases that have come to the notice of the church, is the sexual repression that has been institutionally thrust upon members of the clergy, said the spokesman. “It’s now time for the Church to recognize that sexual desire and gratification is a natural birthright, so long as it is not at the expense of anyone else. This hotline will allow priests to share their fantasies, thoughts and desires with trained staff who are more than happy to listen”.

The Archbishop’s office did not reply to questions on whether this could lead to priests being allowed to marry, or enter same-sex relationships.

Well, here at Blather, we think this is great news. Lonely priests won’t have to worry about getting their rocks off again to some hot bit of the bible (Oh, that Mary Magdalen!) or worse- bothering children, and all those nuns get to catch up on lost time. But we’re a bit suspicious about the church’s insistence on banging on about the dangers of a bit of healthy man-to-man love or hot nun-on-nun action. Other, this is marvellous and timely.

The disembodied collective editorial voice of the only really nice website in Ireland.