Horse it into me big fella

Yo mommaYesterday, we brought you the news that an American man had died whilst shagging a horse. Now, we bring you this exclusive on the scene report from our man in the States, Alex DeJong.


Just when I had lost hope of finding some meaningful news, MSNBC brought me some relief from my despair. Despite some embellishments, this is a true story, the sources of which can be checked from the links below. Ahem.

Crack that whip

Recently, a gentleman from Seattle passed away after being violently sodomized by his equestrian stall-mate. Whether or not this man disagreed with the normal riding method is unclear. However, it seems that there were many individuals of a similar persuasion who, like him, used this particular farm for similar purposes. According to the County Sheriff, people would find this barn of burlesque via chatrooms on the internet. Once behind closed stable doors, these individuals would have their pick of the stock: whether it be feathered, woolen, or bare.
Family and friends of the deceased individual were shocked to hear the disturbing and unfortunate news. They also said that they were ‘surprised’ when they learned he had purchased a Thoroughbred stallion earlier this year. Local neighbours of the farm commented that they had often noticed odd advertisements showing winking sheep, sashaying swine, and can-caning cows posted by the owner on local bulletin baords and community notices.

Giddyup

Thankfully, the horse, known as ‘Bullseye’, was unharmed by the incident and is not being prosecuted for charges of manslaughter made by the man’s family. Reporters are still waiting to hear from professional animal psychiatrists who have been having difficulty extracting information from the victims. This lack of communication has been exacerbated by a kamikaze barnyard cat that has been unleashing very painful raids on all transgressing bipeds.

Crap generic, horse-related joke

Currently, having sex with animals is legal in the state of Washington. That said, investigators are currently debating the legality of committing such foul play with smaller animals such as sheep, goats or ducks on the premise of ‘inhumane cruelty’, which fortunately, is a criminal offense. Local officials are continuing to investigate and confiscate other barns that commit similar offenses under the new APYLS (Anti Pimp Your Live Stock) act, which was endorsed by Mr. Ed and Old MacDonald.
+Find out more+

Seattle Times

From MSNBC .
+Watch+
Zoo (movie about the incident)

blather
The disembodied collective editorial voice of the only really nice website in Ireland.

32 comments

  1. First rate news reporting. I think Mr. de Jong really got to the bottom (ass) of the story and probed deep into the annals of bestiality with his stellar detective work. Kudos as well to the editor Mr. Debarra for permitting such a story to be published and raising the bar (and tail) for animal husbandry.

  2. ‘Once behind closed stable doors, these individuals would have their pick of the stock: whether it be feathered, woolen, or bare’
    Is that a perforated colon I see in the middle of that sentence?

  3. Jason, smart ass, that is not why I know. I personally knew Kenneth. He was married and his wife was Andria. Did they tell you that on the Leykis show too. Grow up dumbass.

  4. How comforting that you felt the need to give the personal info on this man, especially since they newspapers left it out for a reason. Have you ever thought he had a family and they shouldn’t have to carry his burdens around because of dumb asses like you?? Speaking of growing up, maybe you should try it. If you had a life of your own you wouldn’t be so concerned with his. People make their own decisions and his ex-wife had nothing to do with his. Ever heard of compassion asshole??!!??

  5. Belated query to Don (cf. 8/7): I also knew Ken Pinyan, as you obviously did – but I live in (and write this from) Europe, which naturally restricted our contacts, at the end mostly by trans-Atlantic telephone. If you can tell me anything about their child, I’d sincerely – and personally – appreciate it. Thanks in advance, Don.

  6. Why didn’t he tape the fun? I would love to see a clip of that kind of play. This is all very sick but what else does America long for except the crap that is being shoved down our cyber throats. Jeez. Get a grip.

  7. Hahahahaha what a sicko! And then they try to tell us that America is the greatest country and that we in Europe are sick fools when it comes to sex. And what do we have here? A moron that lets a stallion fuck his guts out. That’s what you get when you have it all happening under your noses but you don’t want to know. Instead you just point at others. Get a grip, losers!

  8. Hell, you European dumbasses aren’t smart enough to back up to a stallion…you take it on your knees, in the mouth.

  9. Previous “encounters” were videotaped as well; you can find them by searching for mrhands.wmv/mpg/whatever. He acquired a bit of fame through trolls spreading the video around.

  10. We never did get a “thank you” for WWII, you ungrateful bastards. Go take a shower and see a dentist.

  11. Uncle Sam, if you check your history books, I think you’ll find that the Ireland (excepting Northern Ireland) was neutral during WWII. Unless you’re referring to blather.net, which as a website of great importance and worldwide notoriety, would like to thank you, Uncle Sam, for your performance in WWII.
    If we shower and visit a dentist, does that count as a thank you? Why would we thank you? Who’s the ‘we’ you want us to thank? Should we thank the Germans for WWII while we’re at it too (after all, they take the credit for showing some initiative and starting the damn thing by invading Poland).
    What the hell does WWII have to do with being shagged to death by a horse anyway?

  12. hmmm. let’s seeeeeeee.
    reminding us about the second world war, horse-knobbing, irate euro-hating and sneering about neutrality. so
    now where have i heard all this before?

  13. “If you can tell me anything about their child, I’d sincerely – and personally – appreciate it. Thanks in advance” I don’t know who this ‘Don’ guy is but I agree with ‘Get Over It’ “People make their own decisions and his ex-wife had nothing to do with his.” – and neither does his kid! So, leave them out of it and get on with your lives. I don’t care where you’re from, America, France, Whatever, you are all pathetic.

  14. Wow, that wasn’t a pony…
    I don’t really get why a successful Boeing engineer would do this to himself…Maybe he needed the attention via the videos…or was bored…Maybe he hated himself…or what he had become.
    I hate the way they just dumped the mortally-wounded man at the ER…No explaination…Some friends he had there.
    It must have sucked being the ER docs…Helpless and all.

  15. What you don’t know, is the story is a fake. That guy did not die from recieving horse sex. Something else happened to him. He was NOT dumped at the hospital-he was handed over to 3 ER techs, with another, waiting in the examening room. The police lied to the media, who then added their own twist to it-all just for politics. What you read/heard/saw on tv, was not true. IE:, there never was any chickens, sheep or goats on that property. He did not won a Thorobred stallion.

  16. “Jason, smart ass, that is not why I know. I personally knew Kenneth. He was married and his wife was Andria. Did they tell you that on the Leykis show too. Grow up dumbass.”
    Don is full of shit. Mr. Pinyan was not married.

  17. i think this man must have been going htrough a rough time in his life to do somethiong so silly. i feel sorry for his family what are they going to say when asked how he died. erm… he was shagged by a horse” i dont think so while you are all arguing trhere are people out there griefing for this man such as his family and child have some considration.

  18. GetOveritII is right. leave the ex-wife and his kids alone for they have nothing to do with it. its such a shame for those narrow minded folks to pick on those who are inncent of the zoophile’s deeds. I feel sorry for him and his family. may the pain of his passing be eased by God’s power.

  19. We are looking to speak with people with first or second hand connections to the Enumclaw horse incident/case of 2005, as part of an upcoming documentary film about the case.
    We welcome all points of view, as the incident affected many in the community and beyond. Your anonymity will be respected if you choose to remain anonymous. Please contact me at the email below. All emails are confidential.

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