Month: January 2007

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(DUBLIN) The entire population of the Republic of Ireland are due to gather on Dollymount Strand, Clontarf this coming weekend to join in the world's largest instance of impotent fist-shaking at a neighbouring nuclear polluter. 'We're gonna tell them British bastards what's feckin' what so we feckin are' said a random drunk who crawled out from under a nearby rock. Campaign manager Gubnait O'Toss says that the demonstration will send a powerful message to British Prime Minister Tony Blair and British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) that the Irish people are serious about the issues of nuclear waste disposal in the Irish Sea and that they are prepared to take serious measures to make their case heard. Irish Government ministers were quick to lend support to the campaign, with Minister for the Environment, Dodgy Roach, claiming that the Irish Government has been pursuing a 'vigorous campaign' against the nefarious Albionites and their...

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(LONDON) Slightly mishaven, tweed-wearing men the world over were aghast this Tuesday gone when Craven McMoneygrab, the newly installed manager of the Morrisey junket, announced that the legendary bequiffed caterwauler had finally, once and for all, run out of things to moan about. *Heaven Knows You're Miserable NOW* Filthy Hack, Blather.net's correspondent on idle, useless celebrity tittle-tattle informs us that Morrissey was in mid-whine (sources state that he was directing his ire at the current dearth of decent hair products on the market) when 'Moz' was overcome with a chronic attack of being 'utterly sick of the sound of his own voice' and was rendered almost completely inarticulate. Onlookers were horrified as the Mancunian singer seemed sapped of his ability to complain, feel sorry for himself and touch the very soul of manically depressed teenage girls everywhere. The former Smiths frontman locked himself in a toilet cubicle whereupon he entered...