Welcome to this week’s (Pretty) Good Friday Blather extravaganza, disseminated from a uncharacteristically (for the time of year) chilly Dublin, where vague hints of snow have been all day threatening the populace.
GNOMES WANT TO BE FREE
A smattering of snippets assail us this week, first and foremost we have the latest on gnome-napping. With the arrest of several members of the Gnome Liberation Front last November, we at Blather Operations were devastated, long time fans that we are these daring surrealists, who tend to leave behind calling cards reading ‘The Garden Gnomes Liberation Front has been here. Your gnomes are now free and can finally live in peace together deep in the forest’.
However, all is not lost.Reuters (via Yahoo!), on April 3rd, reported a police hunt for the ‘gang’ that liberated 100 gnomes from a private garden in the Netherlands.
Also, Australian ‘Wormman’ Peter Darben warned us that the appearance of an April 1 ’10 News’ that the story of police netting a cache of stolen gnomes during a drug raid in Brisburg, Northern Territory, Australia may well be apocryphal in nature.
NO POINT IN CRYING OVER SPILT BLOOD
Following last week’s Blather mention of the impounding Virgin Mary statue that ‘cries blood’, the Associated Press of April 6th followed up with an announcement from the Bishop’s office in Vic, which stated that the alleged miracle was, surprise, surprise, a hoax. A spokesman for the Bishop said that analysis of the bloodstains by a ‘team of experts’ had shown that the blood was from. . . a finger wound; ‘It (the crying statue) proved to be the work of a rash group of adults motivated by personal conflicts rather than malice against religion’.
‘The blood was applied from outside, in a crude and shoddy way’
(Associated Press, April 6)
Not content with her treatment in Spain, Herself turned up in a Mexican Cake on April 8th. Dozens of the faithful flocked to the ‘Holy Week miracle’ in the village Bacalar in eastern Quintana Roo, some 650 miles (1040km)east of Mexico city. Ms. Fernanda Rivas said she nearly fainted when she took the cake from the oven, and saw the Virgin Mary’s outline stamped in the middle. . . and it now resides on an hastily constructed altar. Other recent Mexican appearances have been in a sewage drain (in a Mexico City subway station, and a dented fender of an old Chevy).
BUT A MAN IS NOT MADE FOR DEFEAT. . .
The ghost of U.S. novelist Ernest Hemingway is on the roam, according to employees at his old estate, now a museum, near Havana in Cuba. The ‘ghost’, has allegedly been witnessed by several people, one former employee described it as a ‘tall, red-faced man, walking slowly, and dressed with bermudas, a light, baggy shirt, and leather sandals’. This employee claims to have been pursued down a track at the Finca Vigia estate, which is rather interesting, considering he described that ghost as ‘walking slowly’. The ghost has also been said to whisper in another employees ear, and three workers have resigned in fear. Cuban press agency Prensa Latina say that local authorities reckon it will ‘enhance the tourist appeal’.
WE BRING YOU THE VERY LATEST IN VIOLENT ANIMAL ESCAPADES
Yes, another. Perhaps silly season is with us all year round (blame El Nino) these days, but these stories keep showing up, this time with a ‘classic’ headline in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel of April 8th; ‘Renegade Deer Terrorizes Norwegian Village, Steals Chain Saw’.
The deer (species unspecified) had been ‘terrorizing’ the town of Aardalstangen, 220 miles (352km) north of Oslo, for weeks, according to the Aardal og Laerdal Avis newspaper. Knocking over garbage cans at child care center, threatening cars and frightening residents were amongst the big buck’s crimes.
Sadly, things came to a head when the deer made off with a chainsaw from the yard of one Olav Haereid, carrying the machine on its antlers, prompting ‘local officials’ to shoot the enterprising creature.
Thanks to reader Douglas Wright, a missing word can be re-added to the text of last week’s Blather, regarding the God’s Salvation Church related suicide in China.
‘He jumped into the ocean and drowned, after telling his folks that wanted to see God arrive in a flying saucer.’
It should have read ‘he wanted to see God’
Dave (daev) Walsh
10th April 1998