Just when you hoped that penis-enlargement spams were on the wane, a whole new idea arrives… vaginal enlargement!
The Society of Pron Affiliate Merchants (SPAM) today announced a new campaign, aimed at convincing women to opt for vaginal enlargement.
“We felt it was time to move on”, said Pontious Fark of DickBig Marketing, based in Palo Alto, California, and president of SPAM. “Our ‘Add Inches To Your Penis’ campaign was like, a total success. We’ve realised that the market has topped out, and that none of these 30 million dudes really want to increase their penis size to 30″. They’re just happy with the 18″ that they’ve got.”
Fark has outlined a new idea, sure to take email users by storm. “We figure that with all these big-dick guys around, there’s now lots of horny ladies who can’t accommodate our happy customers. So we’re putting our new marketing campaign to work. We’re going to offer vaginal enlargement, and we’ve even come up with a new slogan: ‘Add Inches to Your Vagina Now’. There’s going to be a lot of happy couples out there!”
As we went to press, millions of women were eagerly anticipating the receipt of an email from Fark’s team, offering them ‘A Once In a Lifetime Chance to WIN BIG and Increase Your Pussy Size!’.
‘Bigger is better’, said Moira Hussey, a store assistant in Kiltimagh, Co. Mayo, on the emerald green leprechaun island of Ireland.
Consumpta Bottom, a professional tractor puller from Surbiton, Surrey, in the Queen’s England was more emphatic: “Ever since my Henry increased his penis size, our sex life has been very lonely. our house is quite small, and it means having sex in separate rooms”.
“This will solve all our problems. It will bring us closer togother!”
However, Dr Roberto Schnell of the Fortean Institute for Sexual Prodigies has his doubts: “But then the men will have to get even larger. Woman will respond in kind and we’ll end up in another arms race! It brings new meaning to the term ‘missile gap’.”
[Inspired by a discussion on the Forteana Mailing List ]