The Top 10 Lists of All Time!

Finally, a list that lists what we are most interested in: lists!

The exciting activity of list-writing has gripped the public imagination in recent years. Some say it is at the expense of “traditional” journalism, but whoever says that should rank no.1 on a list of terminal bores. We will not cease in our list-writing until it has taken over not only 1. newspapers and 2. websites, but 3. novels and 4. poetry too. The no.1 film of all time in a few years time will without a doubt consist of little more than a “list” of scenes, with audiences on the edge of their seats waiting to find out “what number 1 is.”
Here we present, for the first time this week, our definitive list of the Greatest Lists of All Time. We polled the world’s greatest obsessive list-writers and this is their top 10.
10. The Sight and Sound Critics Top Ten Poll 2002. A traditional list of films; a boring list, yet dignified.
9. The Top 100 Happy songs. Everyone loves a charming music list.
8. Top 20 nude scenes. With pictures! We think you’re all wankers anyway, that’s why we don’t write anything “proper” for you to read, so why not enjoy this titillation?
7. The Greatest individual streaks. “Streaks” not meaning nudity this time.
6. Schindler’s List. We have never seen it, but it features a list, we assume.
5. The list of the world’s greatest lighting manufacturers. We admire the confidence of those who voted for this list.
4. The phobia list. The dedication of the list creator is palpable on the website (“I have been working on this list for several years”).
3. The online museum of shopping lists. Contemporary culture, they call it.
2. Mr Andrew Floyd (who?) lists the stuff he owns. Modest, lo-fi, and real.
1. This list.

barry

Barry Kavanagh writes fiction, and has made music, formerly with Dacianos.

Contact him here.