Blather brings you the story of Pope Joan. That’s right – Joan. A woman. As in a bipedal creature with breasts and the ability to give birth. The opposite of a man. Like that thing in the picture…
Pope Joan / Pope John VIII is said to have held the Pontificate from A. D. 853-855 – a mere two years. Everything was going swimmingly until one fine day in 855 whilst riding on horseback from St. Peter’s to the Lateran, the Pope’s retinue were slightly surprised when the Holy One asked to pull over to the side of the road because he was in some discomfort.
I imagine that they were somewhat even more surprised to find that the Pontiff had not stopped for a whizz, but rather to give birth to a large bouncing baby. Oh yes. Dan Brown is a filthy talentless hack. Oh sorry: I’ve wandered off message for a moment. Anyway…
What exactly became of Pope Joan is something of a mystery. One story has Joan murdered: the people of Rome tied her feet together and dragged her behind a horse while braining her with large rocks. Nice.
Another has it that Joan was sent to a faraway convent to repent her vile evil sins and that the sprog she dropped grew up to become the Bishop of Ostia. Sweet.
So. To get to the point: if we were to choose another female Pope, who would it be? Mary Robinson? Camilla Parker Bowles? Babs Windsor? Jordan? Your suggestions in a comment please!
Blather presents ‘PopeIdol!’ Day 1: Who should get the job
PopeIdol. Day 3: Dan Brown readers terrorised by ghost of JP2
More on Pope Joan:
The Museum of Hoaxes
The Lady was a Pope
Madonna. Obvious and old enough to qualify.
Either that or we should have Popette Joany II – Joan Collins that is….
Heh Damien! This cow is upstaging my photo!
Anyway, Robert Anton Wilson said we are all popes…
Amanda Brunker. Has to be.
Right, so Sue for Pope it is then
I could really see Dana standing on a balcony in the vatican and waving to a huge crowd of people in the square. Hmm… now I can see Danas dead body being paraded around the streets of Rome like JP2’s. Imagination can be scary !
Has to be Kylie,the lady has Pope written all over her!
Uhmm… *cough*… I have 9 rosaries in my collection (2 of them fluorescent ones from Lourdes) and my granny calls me “Innocentia”. Oh, and my stigmatae are bleeding as I type this. *adjusts halo*
Flourescent rosaries! I remember waking up one night as a really small kid and seeing my rosary beads (also a gift from my granny strangely enough)glowing on the table beside my bed. Scared the shit outta me! I thought it was God trying to tell me my time was up. My screams woke the whole neighbourhood. I think it was round about then that I “lapsed”.
Sinead O’Connor may be interested in the job!