Sinn Fein Stunned To Find Signs Of Civilisation South of Border

[DUBLIN] Surprise, dismay and even ‘bewilderment’ reported as newly elected Sinn Fein TDs discover that the Republic of Ireland is a mostly functioning state and not the ‘backward, famine-riddled, priest-ridden, dung-heap of in-bred mucksavages’ they were expecting.

Speaking on terms of strict anonymity, several newly-elected Sinn Fein TDs have told of their amazement at discovering that the state of the Republic of Ireland is ‘mostly alright’ and is not, as many had seemed to believe, ‘a quagmire of unrealised nationalist aspirations governed by an elite of fat, Protestant farmers who rule over the Catholic masses like medieval barons’ as they had been told during their childhood in the north.
Some Shinners were surprised to find that the state has a functioning police service, nurses and doctors who work in hospitals, bus drivers who drive working buses and a fully-functional electricity and water service.
‘This is incredible, so this is’ said one new TD, ‘a real eye-opener. They have sewerage systems and bin collections and all. It’s almost like a civilised society down here. Nothing like what we were expecting. We were assuming that when we came to the Dail, there’d be a pack of hastily-shaved apes in ill-fitting animal skins and that we’d have to teach them to read and write and who Padraig Pearse was. But they’re surprisingly advanced, I must say. That said, we will be doing our best to show these hairybacks how democracy works.’
Image from Flickr Commons, used under a CC licence

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  1. I hear tell that they have all the things we’re used to the North too, like WH Smiths and Marks and Spencers and Debenhams. No police thogh, only gardai.

  2. Do you actualy understand that the Sinn Féin TDs, bar Gerry Adams are all from the South? Some as far South as Cork and Kerry in fact. I think you need to bone up on a few basic facts.

  3. Dear Sean,
    For people supposedly from the south they seem to have lots of friends with northern accents who like to come on holiday and help them out from time to time. You’d be forgiven for thinking otherwise…
    And anyway, everybody down here in Real Ireland knows that Provisional Irish people like the shinners are operating on old, out of date Continuity Irish licenses. They’d never pass the actual test in a million years. They have no sense of humour you see. And they have very shifty eyes. And six fingers.
    Oh, and they smell of diesel too, for some reason.
    Is mise le meas

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