Squirrel Genocide

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Yowch. I’m quite sure that this is necessary, but it does seem rather cruel at first glance – Photo: Dave Walsh Copyright 2005British authorities have announced that they will be offing thousands of Grey Squirrels, in an attempt to save the endangered Red Squirrel. I only hope it has nothing to do with the fact that they’re all crack-addicts.

Biodiversity minister Jim Knight said “humane and targeted pest control” would cull greys in areas where red squirrels are being ‘squeezed out’. Most reds are confined to Scotland, Cumbria and Northumbria, the Isle of Wight and islands in Poole Harbour. They are weaker than grey squirrels, which also carry the Squirrelpox virus.

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Eeeeeeeeeeep! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

damien

Damien DeBarra was born in the late 20th century and grew up in Dublin, Ireland. He now lives in London, England where he shares a house with four laptops, three bikes and a large collection of chairs.


65 comments

  1. You guys are NUTS! You’re arguing PASSIONATELY about what color squirrels are better!! Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous this is? Maybe we should stop playing God and let the squirrels do their own thing, huh?

  2. I slaughtered alot of squirrels mercylessly once. They were grey before I shot them with my 4-10…then they were red. My theory on that subject is if you want red squirrels… shoot the grey ones.

  3. Well, you know its survival of the fittest. If the red squirrels are pussies, then the grey ones should take over and rid the world of them, make the gene pool stronger!

  4. ahh skrew you people i myself prefer blue squirrles, (i made em blue by dipping em in liquid nitrogene) i wonder how you make grreen squrrels? ill just dip em in paint and let it dry, no cement with dye, ya, that il do the trick, cement with green dye

  5. I cant belive im responding to this,but since i am…
    I might as well say this…
    Nobody would have anything to say on the topic if it wasn’t for the whole foamy cartoon deal.In other words live and let die… life goes on no matter what the future brings.

  6. That is alot slot of fighting over squirrels. I just love unneeded carnage.
    Personally, I enjoy to cook up and feed caught squirrels to other squirrels. Maybe a little bite for me evey once and a while.

  7. wow this is a lot of shit about squirrels i do like the idea of creating colored squirrels though ingenious i might make a few purple ones now

  8. All bull shit aside i was seeing psychodelic squirrels back in the sixties and both red and grey are some just some of the colors you’ll see on the little sons of bitches. So the morel of the fucked up story is take psycho active drugs and induldge in all your favorite colored furry little bags of shit. Peace:)

  9. Wow…you people are sick freaks. I cannot believe you people are fighting over a freaking SQUIRREL! I wonder what PETA would say about this.

  10. Well who cares about the damn red squirrels… Grey ones are fucking idiots and act like their on crack, so lets see what happens when they mix 😉

  11. Jesus Christ, gray squirrels and red squirrels, who cares, they both taste the same except for the fact gray squirrels are a lot fatter then the red ones, they all are pretty much pests except that there foamy, he’s is awsome, and pillzie, he is cool too.

  12. Dude, this is the best fucking squirrel discussion EVER! By the way, you all fucking suck, so bite me you little sons of bitches. We all know Foamy is the KNOWN squirrel. Now what the majority of you DON’T know, is that I am Foamy reincarnation. That’s right. I am Foamy. SO YOU CAN ALL FUCKING GO TO HELL! Spread the word, I am the Lord and Master. Bye. MONEY!

  13. in response to Carburetor’s post…
    Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a ttoal mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
    P.S. Squirrels Rule.

  14. Okay honestly argueing over it squirrel sad but it’s funny so keep on for ben go screw your self and enjoy sleep 2 nite i hope a rabid squirrel bites off your ear!GO FOAMY!!!!! -jade

  15. Well Karen, leaving nature to its own devices is a good idea, except that grey squirrels were imported over here from America by man, and proceeded to wipe out the native species of red squirrel. That’s not a natural state of affairs, so in fact killing off greys is attempting to restore some of the natural balance.
    Red squirrels are much prettier anyway. They have cute little tufts of hair on their ears.

  16. My question is this. What the hell do we care about saving a bunch a goddamn rodents for. I want to see an article crying out for the simple minded virus. SAVE THE VIRUS. Fuck squirrels grey or red and pass the E-Bola. KILL ALL SQUIRRELS…..except Foamy of course.

  17. Red, Grey, Black… they’ll all be tossed away in obsoleteness. Flying Squirrels will bomb the poor defensless land lovers with thier nulcear acorn bombs of mass destruction.
    FEAR THE FLIERS

  18. wow… you all have no lives, so what there killing some dam rats with fluby tails. excuse me now im going to do my duty to my county and off some squirrels with a 300 winchester mag., have a good day noobs!!!

  19. So if we follow this, can we increase the Scottish population by killing of some English folk? Culling the English should start with those having bad teeth. And conversely does anyone want more Canadians, though most in Canada only carry a slightly infectious smiling germ? Would love to institute American killing to allow the poor Canadians to increase their survival ability.
    Hmm does foamy need a shot? Does he carry some contagious disease that makes you prone to spouting vulgaraties? If so many of you have been infected, pls seek the minister of bioinfections for immediate culling.

  20. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The SQUIRREL!! I ate a red squirrel once. It was alive before I ate it. Yumm…endangered squirrelies…..OHH! Once i shot a grey one in the butt with a dart! It was fun.and another threw acrons at me. and i shot it with my 12-gauge. My opinion: Kill the grey ones and drink their blood!!! ^_^

  21. I saved a good ol’ red squirrel once…Grey ones too…And i’ve saved some of those nitro-ish blue ones with the pointy ears and monsterously scary ears…But my personal favorite is the newly created romanian vampire squirrel. I created it myself you know. In britian. With a spork, some red paint- plastic fangs, and a handy item I call “Magical burny thingy”
    So…jaa! ^^;

  22. well, i’ve never seen so much attention paid to squirrels… but since im speaking… what if i paint a brown squirrel red? internal politics ppl, confuse them so that there is no fighting.

  23. hey doesn’t anyone want my opinion on this? i really dont give a fuck if a die or not. just tell before you kill me soi can take as many grey squirrels and canadians down with me as i can!

  24. So who gives a shit if you can spell. Get a life…
    By the way most Squirrels suck like most of you do. Now big black rats are tasty.
    So eat a rat and save a squirrel….

  25. My thought…. crate the little grey fuckers up and send them to Africa where there is a food shortage. They’ll know what to do with ’em. Otherwise just take some of the red ones and stick em in zoos where the big mean grey ones can’t pick on the little pussies anymore.

  26. i agree with many of u and the rest …. well u all can go fuck your selfs with a loaf of bread. go back home and put on your make up and idiolize your favorit stars ,and i hope u get stabed in the throught in a fucking fight, becouse u couldn’t admite it the accedient was infact your falt and live in a cadatonic stat for the rest of your lives …..that being said……dude the only squirrels who realy matter are in doors….except maybe the hatta…. he’s prob in a dumpster…. ok point is fuck up the grey squirrels help out the weak man, and respect the squirrels….and respect foamy …. and if u see a squirrel chilling in the middle of the road don’t slow down stepp on the gas and hit the little fucker going 80 down a 30mph zone….. and when u git pulled over and probably shot for being fucking stupid…. refer the cop to this page… so infact all things and arguments considered arthur was correct the awnser is indeed 42… fucking carb counting ass holes … PUT DOWN THE FORK U BAT BASTERDS U DON”T NEED THE 4 COURSE DINNER BETWEEN MEALS!!!!! theres another solution feed the greys to the fat people in america that should take care of it realy fast

  27. o0′ Wow, this got way out of porportion. But really the grammar Nazi needs to die. The whole grey’s are better then reds can just take it up the ass. Leave the damn red ones alone!

  28. look at all the debate about the fate of some god forsaken rodents glad to see were not wasting timeon aids or hunger keep up the good work

  29. Look… You are all morons. Black squirrel, Red squirrel, grey squirrel, dead squirrel. This discussion has nothing to do with squirrels. It is really about the idiots killing them. You want your red squirrels, stop accepting North American exports, or fix your internal security problems and keep your fucking red squirrels safe. It’s fucking nature… Is it my fault your pansy ass british squirrels cannot amount to our tree hugging hippy Canadian grey squirrels? No. You suck! Grey squirrels are obviously the shit anyway. We Canadians always get your bitches. lol. Can’t help being at the top of the food chain.

  30. Zack – impressive that you can turn a discussion about squirrels into an Imperialistic arguement for world dominance. What are you so afraid of?

  31. The Brits are pussies. We have Red squirrels in North America and our Reds beat the crap out of the Grey squirrels.
    All those Brit pussies should be sterlizing the greys if they don’t want them. Not killing them.

  32. gray squirils are only in briton coz some1 hundreads of years ago thaough thay looked weird (thay were playing god y can’t we ?) save the ginger squirils (thair scottis) shoot the gray 1s thairs to many of them or send them back 2 ammerica (sell squril burgers at McDonalds
    ps i know my spelling sucks

  33. You’re arguing PASSIONATELY about what color squirrels are better!!

    Actually, they’re arguing about which breed is better. Colour just happens to be one of the most simplest ways to distinguish between the two breeds of squirrel.

    Am I the only one who sees how ridiculous this is? Maybe we should stop playing God and let the squirrels do their own thing, huh?

    In that case, we should stop “playing God” when one human kills another human. Come on, use some logic.

    Chill out, we all know that Foamy is the best squirrel around.

    Rebecca speaks the truth! I was going to mention Foamy, but she beat me to the punch.

  34. Hey CARBURETOR – Squirrels aside, what makes u think u can tell people they have to spell things out correctly. U an english teacher or something? As long as u get ur point across what’s the prob? Relax ur impossibly tight @$$hole and let everyone live their own lives.

  35. OMFG….. quit fighting…. Squirrels rock thats that and foamy will one day lead them all to conquer the world and kill us all but thats ok cuz foamy is cool…..

  36. Jamie ‘must back squirrel-eating’
    TV chef Jamie Oliver should encourage schoolchildren to eat grey squirrels in an effort to save the endangered red species, a Conservative peer says.
    Lord Inglewood said greys had to be culled to ensure reds – native to the UK – did not die out.
    “I must confess that I have never actually eaten a grey squirrel… but I am prepared to give it a go,” he said.
    more…

  37. i heard at keuka college they have black ninja squirrels. i personally saw a ninja squirrel roundhouse kick a grey squirrel in the groin and then chew his head off so it was completely severed! i sure did.

  38. ok,i was actualy only on this site so dat i cud research on my bio presentation, but then i realised wata loada CRAP this is!!!!!
    long live the red! shoot da grey.:-)

  39. You people don’t get it – I saw a racoon climb into a shed and a motorcycle fell on it. Probably a Harley. It eat all its guts untill it died. These grey sqirrels are to agressive. I shot one yesterday because they are into my bamboo and running across my house. Today while sitting on my deck one squarked at me for half an hour then charged to the end of the oak branch sending me inside. I got my pellet gun and nailed it. We call them tree rats.

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