Total humorless WANKER update 20/01/06
Jesus wept. As many of you will know, Cruise was recently the subject of a rather merciless and (in my humble etc etc) a very funny episode of South Park, where the actor gets a deserved slagging over his membership of the ‘Church of Scientology’.
The show, in which Nicole Kidman and Cruise’s fellow Scientologist John Travolta are depicted attempting to coax an animated version of the actor out of a closet, caused controversy when broadcast in the U.S.
The cartoon Kidman tells Cruise, “Don’t you think this has gone on long enough? It’s time for you to come out of the closet. You’re not fooling anyone”â€”referring to allegations about Cruise’s sexuality.
So, what does Tom do? Does he laugh it off? Turn the other cheek? See the funny side of it and console himself that he’s got about 200 million dollars in the bank and a fit young wife? Nope. He calls his lawyers.
Tom gets litigious
Download the episode from mrtwig.net »
So. Now, having already convinced the chipmunk-faced jail-bait chick to sign up to his screwy, bullshit religion, it appears that young Holmsey will have to put a sock in it as the Cruise sproglet squirms it’s way out of her distended snatch and comes shrieking in to the world, destined as it is, no doubt, for a life of wearing tin-foil nappies and sucking on liquid-aura/crystal-jizz lunches. Tell me Tom, have you ever had a large object rammed up/in a bodily orifice the size of a credit-card slot and tried to maintain a dignified silence? Oh, wait…
“The Church Of Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard ruled followers must, “Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go.”
Holmes to give Marcel Marceau sproglet performance
It’s official Kids. The cruiser is spawning. He and the zombie moppet are having a baby. It’s time to be scared.
Normally here on blather we wouldn’t lower ourselves to discussing the absurd shenanigans (love that word) of idiotic z-lister celebrities. That said, recently, it has been hard to escape the deluge of tabloid inches concerning one particular media-whore: Tom Cruise.
Up until now, it’s been relatively easy to ignore this cretinous monkey. But now it seems that young Thomas has gone stark raving mad. Jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch like a demented simian and hoofing an actress about 15 years his junior who is cheerfully becoming just as deluded as he is. Then he tells Brooke Shields where to get off with her post-natal depression and openly starts peddling the insane rantings of L. Ron Hubbard – the charlatan that brought us Scientology – surely the most ridiculous, idiotic cult since, well, since Christianity probably. It seems we just can’t get away from this inane, grinning spanner.
Normally we wouldn’t care less about such a individual, but this twat is peddling a dangerous, brain-washing cult based on the rantings of a failed science-fiction writer. And we’ve had enough.
Tom Cruise: kindly put a fucking sock in it.
The Tom Cruise scientology centre