Who ya gonna call? Yes. That’s right. Gwyneth Paltrow.


Jesus sufferin’ fuck. Chief Gob of the universe Liam Gallagher is, allegedly, troubled by spirits which have taken up residence in his London home. Now, most self-respecting, ‘gently ageing into your thirties’ rock stars would have called in an expert. You know, a priest, medium or your local blather representative. But oh no. Liam, apparently, has decided to call in world-renowned paranormal expert Gwyneth Paltrow.

Paltrow, it would seem, has ‘experience’ with such matters.

The actress has previous experience of this phenomenon, having hired a priest to rid her home of ‘bad energy’ earlier in the year.
A source told the Daily Star: “A week ago he (Gallagher) lost his keys and then they turned up in a kitchen cupboard and no-one had moved them. And now two pans have gone missing. He is just asking Gwyneth what she did so he can follow suit.”

However, rumours abound that it’s possible that Paltrow simply misheard Gallagher. Sources who have been speaking to blather commented that Gallagher may have been wondering out loud about the nature of Coldplay. Specifically, it would seem, he may have been commenting on how Chris Martin’s self-important, inarticulate caterwauling about ‘Free Trade’, which helped catapult the band to global success, must surely enter the record books as one of most bizarre and downright paranormal events of the early twenty-first century. Allegedly.
Ghostbustin’ Gwyneth

Damien DeBarra was born in the late 20th century and grew up in Dublin, Ireland. He now lives in London, England where he shares a house with four laptops, three bikes and a large collection of chairs.

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