Month: March 2008
Blather.net’s Map of the Weird
View Larger Map For the last two decades we've been keeping track of every lake monster, UFO sighting, Satanist, pornographer, ghost and ghost hunter, exorcism and exorcist, Banshee attack, ABC sighting, religious quack, police state action, alien abduction and friendly neighbourhood Kangaroo that we can commit to writing. But the truth is, there's such an abundance of these things that keeping track of them has become somewhat problematic. Until now. So allow us reader dear, to present 'Blather.net's Map of the Weird', a first public presentation of what will become an ever-growing, all-encompassing cartographic apocalypse of filth, depravity, smut and Forteana. Anyway, the above image only shows a snippet of the map, specifically for Ireland (our home). Below is a slightly larger section: View Larger Map View in Google Earth A map's not good enough for you, is it? Eh? Grand, well then view the thing in Google Earth by right-clicking...
Diggin’ in the Dirt: I, Patrick. (Puke the Fifth)
And a happy St. Patrick's Day to you to be sure, to be sure. Join us for the latest thrilling instalment of the tale of the young St. Patrick, as the young Welshman (yes, he was Welsh) saddles up with a galloping gang of leather-cloaked horsemen with half-shaved heads, armed to the teeth with swords, spears and assorted cooking implements of destruction who set off about Ireland with the express intention of learnin' us Paddies some manners. Or something. There's a scene near the start of 'The Mission', with Jeremy Irons alone and vulnerable, dangerously clambering up a gigantic waterfall in order to reach a new native territory; watched anxiously by his fellow Jesuits below. After some time, Liam Neeson asks (in a big potato-head accent) “Can you see him?â€, to which his friend slowly shakes his head in response. Patrick disappeared beyond his own waterfall, beyond 'the ends of...
Diggin in the Dirt: I, Patrick. (Puke the Fourth).
Blogging live from a 5th century Romano-British whorehouse on the west coast of Wales, Blather.net's chief bodythief, time-travelling mercenary and ambassador to the Medieval period, Ender Wiggan, enthralls us once again with the fourth part of his epic series on the life of the young St. Patrick. This time, St. Patrick has some trouble back in the office. Havent read "I, Patrick: Puke the First"? Click here. Don't you just hate coming back to the office after a foreign business trip...and having everyone whispering about you behind you're back? You get to your desk and find a memo from the boss saying, 'See me at once'. 'Excellent', you think, 'I bet its about that promotion I went for last week'. You set off cheerfully, thinking everyone is probably acting strange because they're jealous. You get to the bosses room, open the door nonchalantly...to find the whole board of directors looking...
Diggin’ in the Dirt: I, Patrick. (Puke the Third)
Welcome back for part three of the latest blather.net "Diggin' in the Dirt" epic, "I, Patrick. Puke the Third", coming to you this week from the darkest bowel of a 5th century Irish slave ship. Ender Wiggan, our Graverobber in residence, takes you through the story of how the slave became a general, who became a... no, wait. That's not quite right. The slave who became a call girl, who became a... arse, hang on. I can do this... Havent read "I, Patrick: Puke the First"? Click here. Our Own Mothers There isn't a single Early Irish historian or archaeologist who wouldn't crawl twenty miles over broken glass, before giving you their wallets, rings and the shirt of their backs...in order to have Patrick's account of his journey across Ireland, of several hundred miles, in the fifth century. Most frustratingly, he tells us nothing about it. It wasn't important to...
Diggin’ in the Dirt: I, Patrick. (Puke the Second)
Join us once again as Blather.net's resident graveyard-worrier, Ender Wiggan, regales us with his second part of the epic six-part series "I, Patrick", in which the young Welshman (that would be St. Patrick) gets kidnapped, sold into slavery, generally wishes he was never born and discovers the singular hospitality to be found in early 5th century Ireland. Havent read "I, Patrick: Puke the First"? Click here. Disgorged Imagine travelling by boat to America during the potato famine in the nineteenth century. The cramped conditions, the paltry meals, slop buckets, the smells of huddled humanity, clearing out the dead in the morning. Now imagine doing it while chained up for several days or weeks, being disgorged at various ports and made to stand in a slave market, before returning to the ship (unsold) at the end of the day. Imagine finally being offloaded into daylight, blinking and shivering, into a cross...
Diggin’ in the Dirt: I, Patrick. (Puke the First)
With March 17th fast approaching and Dublin City Council already making preparations for cleaning up the deluge of white foamy piss and green/orangey puke overflowing the gutters in the streets, Blather.Net's Archaeologist of the Damned and Resident Graverobber, Ender Wiggan, unearths the truth behind the blow-in from Britain; in whose honour the annual national stereotype perpetuation festival is held. The first of a six-part series, "I Patrick" is a vast, sprawling epic tale of war, slavery, religious fundamentalism, rape, murder and dying empires. Or, it could just be a load of begorra, begob, musha man divil alive paddywhackery. Prologue: This is the story of a small Island nation, situated on the fringes of Europe during a time of tumultuous change. An underdeveloped country with a predominantly young and highly intelligent population, whose increasing economic ability, disposable income and prospective markets became the focus of international attention. A country targeted by...