(image from the UN Development Programme, used under a CC license)
Would-be ethnographers of the web such as ourselves are often advised to try to take a neutral stance on conspiracy theories, seeking to take a position of ‘negative capability’, resulting in the publication of posts which take a reasonable, balanced and calm approach to the issue at hand.
This is not one of those posts.
‘If you think you know what the hell is going on, you’re probably full of shit’ – Robert Anton Wilson
It took less than a week for the Haiti conspiracy theories to gather a head of steam, culminating in a series of claims so bizarre, random and clearly bonkers that they make the 9/11 Truthers and the Birthers look like an emminently reasonable bunch.
Contrary to what the foaming-at-the mouth fundies are saying, the Haiti earthquake was not the result of the Haitians doing a deal with the devil, or because someone test-detonated a soopah-seekrit Tesla weapon, or because Obama wanted to look good but because Haiti is located above a hugely volatile tectonic area. That’s ‘tectonics‘.
Central to the claims swishing about on the web is a particular webpage, containing one of the most hair-brained explanations for a natural disaster ever posited – a plot so totally mental that wouldn’t look out of place in a Bond villians’ monologue. Specifically, there is this list of 13 reasons to suspect HAARP caused Haiti quake, which is just about the dumbest thing to appear on the web since Sarah Palin’s twitter feed comments on climate change.
All of this in spite of the evidence that Haiti has a long painful history of natural disasters, with recorded earthquakes in 1860, 1770, 1761, 1751, 1684, 1673 and 1618.
Anyway, if you want a proper sober analysis of some of the more moonbat theories that have started kicking around about Haiti, look no further than the ever-sensible Arthur Goldwag:
‘I like the idea that the New World Order is so powerful that it can cause the earth to tremble, but so inept that 1) It needs to resort to science fiction weaponry and disinformation disseminated via T-shirts to secure as militarily weak a country as Haiti, and 2) That even though it hurls thunderbolts like Zeus, it has the eyesight of Mr. Magoo-it can’t distinguish one Caribbean island from another.’
Read more at Goldwag
Hugo Chavez adds his voice to the growing army of morons falling over themselves to claim that the Haiti quake was the result of a test-detonation of a secret weapon:
Arthur Goldwag on the HAARP Theories: