Why did the chicken…

cross the road?

Inspired by this thread on p45

Why did the chicken cross the road?

(all written by Dave Walsh, ‘cept the birdbath one, which was written by birdbath)

Flann O’Brien: Sure didn’t he cross because he wanted to avail of the great novelty that was the atomic theory, which was at work everywhere in the parish. By the time, begob, that he had reached the other side, that very chicken was already 10% road. And 5% bicycle. More Flann >>

Hunter S. Thompson

To get away from those fucking bats. Out there, on the edge of the desert, the drugs were beginning to take hold. Raoul Chicken was swooped upon by what looked like huge bats, screech and diving. “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?”

No way was this chicken going to give into these brutal horrors. He was too weird to live, but too rare to die, and he fucking knew it.

William S. Burroughs: With a mixture of chicken-jism and pond-scum clinging to his thighs, Kim Chicken holstered his pistol and crossed the Dead Road towards the saloon.

Kapow! Kapow! Kapow!

Blather: Whilst escaping an erudite horde of jellyfish that had invaded south Co. Wexford, the chicken was apparently abucted by a strange craft. This event allegedly took place on the N11, between Ashford and Rathnew, Co. Wicklow. The craft seemed to be nautical in nature, but was said to be floating above the evening traffic. The chicken is later said to have pondered – under regression hypnosis whether this could be related to the great Airship Flap of the 1900s.

Once aboard, the chicken said that he met the captain, he looked like Michael Collins being played by Samantha Mumba. The floor of the wooden craft was strewn with the bodies of small blue salamanders.

The Collins/Mumba being offered chicken a pedicure. He politely refused. They then sat and watched old re-runs of The Riordans while sipping tepid tea from plastic mugs. The TV, said chicken, appeared to be made from the top of a Jacobs biscuit tin.

He was then bid goodbye, given a charred leprechaun suit to wear, and deposited back on the OTHER side of the N11.

We will investigate further.

birdbath: the chicken was forced to cross the road due to monetary pressures from the inherently evil cancer of our earth, that the scumfucks in marketing departments, the length and breadth of the land would have us call ‘globalisation’. yet another example of just how corrupt, grasping and downright evil multinationals like monsanto, treat chickens and other domestic fowl, in the great sausage factory that is our food chain. fucking repulsive.

Chief Bottle Washer at Blather
Writer, photographer, environmental campaigner and "known troublemaker" Dave Walsh is the founder of Blather.net, described both as "possibly the most arrogant and depraved website to be found either side of the majestic Shannon River", and "the nicest website circulating in Ireland". Half Irishman, half-bicycle. He lives in southern Irish city of Barcelona.

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