Are you a female blather reader? Is the man in your life about to abscond to watch the World Cup? Are you worried that he might be tempted by the heaving, groaning, cavalcade of female flesh and an endless supply of cheap booze and drugs? Welcome to Artemis.
In case you have been in a coma for the last six months (in a cave, in Antarctica, in a Polar bear’s headlock) the World Cup is coming. And where there are World Cups there are World Cup widows. You know them – those lost, forlorn, rejected specimens of womanhood, left to fend for themselves as their male counterparts jump on planes full of beered-up, testosterone-charged Neanderthals and scarper to wherever the worldâ€™s most overpaid athletes meet once every four years to chase an over-branded bag of wind around an over-watered patch of grass whilst wearing pretty colours and corporate logos. But I digress. Back to business.
Itâ€™s natural to fret whilst your man is away. Heâ€™s with his mates. Heâ€™s got money. Heâ€™s in a foreign country. And you just know what those dirty foreign sluts will do to him, donâ€™t you? Oh yes. Theyâ€™re going to spot his bald pate and beer-gut from amongst the thousands of others shuffling off the Sleazyjet flight, tail him, hunt him down to an isolated laneway, beat him over the head and then fill him full of cheap east-German beer, six lines of grade-A gak and then take turns sitting on his red and white painted face whilst screaming â€˜oooo yaaaaaa!â€™ in great Teutonic shrieks.
That said, it is a much greater likelihood that your man will (being away and all of that) decide to visit a whore-house. That’s right. A whore-house. And how do I know this female-reader dear? I know, because of this. I refer of course to a piece that was slapped up on blather a while back now. It refers to plans by German organisers to build Artemis â€“ the worldsâ€™ biggest shag-shop. In Berlin. For the World Cup. When your man is there.
Gizmos and so on
We here at blather are a decent bunch really. Devoted to the dissemination of information for free. And we felt in this instance that it was worth bringing to attention the fact that the search term â€˜Artemisâ€™ and â€˜Artemis whorehouse Berlin, Germanyâ€™ have been rather popular here on the site. Rather popular indeed. Most notably from users in England.
You see, a little gizmo from the boys at Statcounter.com allows us to see who comes into the site, where from and what search term brought them in. And man have the lads been looking for ‘Artemis’ been coming in. All day. Every day. Seven days a week.
So there you have it ladies. When he says: â€˜Iâ€™m off to the world Cup to support Englandâ€™ heâ€™s really saying â€˜Iâ€™m off to the World Cup to support England and, whilst there, me and the lads shall endeavour to drink an EU-sized beer-lake, take as many drugs as we can and spit-roast as many uber-breasted, shaven-crotched Bavarian prostitutes as is humanly possible. See you in Julyâ€™.
Just thought you’d like to know.
Artemis the superbrothel
Artemis on BBC