Month: June 2008
The Top 10 Reasons To Vote NO To The Lisbon Treaty
Photo of Lisbon Treaty poster by Dave Walsh Can't decide which way to vote on the contentious Lisbon Treaty? Worry no more, for the fearless hacks at blather.net have taken the time to summarise the top ten reasons why you should vote NO to those Euro-pinkos and their nefarious treaty. Voting YES to Lisbon will mean the following: 1. Your first born-son will be automatically drafted in the Supra-National EuroArmy and immediately dispatched to a cave in Afghanistan to serve as a human sacrifice on Osama Bin Laden's Altar of Muslim Atrocity. 2. Your first-born daughter will be taken from you in the middle of the night, flown to a unknown location and forced to dance naked for the amusement of faceless, braying Eurocrats in a giant Bavarian burlesque show whilst being pelted with lumps of raw meat to the sound of 'O Fortuna'. 3. 10% of your taxes will...
Tim Westwood Horrified To Discover He’s Actually White
(image by Eric Hamilton.) Unconfirmed rumours came across the Blather desk this morning that bad-boy BBC Radio DJ Tim Westwood may have realised that he's actually white. All-round Blingmaster and Blather.net Correspondent Filthy Hack reports. Hack says: 'The alleged incident is reported to have occured in a late-night Soho club, just off Dean St. Eyewitnesses state that Westwood was 'avin' it large' in the (name withheld for legal reasons - ed.) club with several friends and assorted media students when Westwood's account of how he 'iz de man' and furthermore how he was 'bare cool, word to yo sista' was interrupted by a nearby native of Brixton, who puzzled by Westwood's behaviour is reported to have said 'Chief, you're whiter than flock of fuckin' sheep in a snowstorm' and that furthermore Westwood was 'nothing more than the modern equivalent of Smashie and Nicey'. Finally the man added that the DJ...
Presenting the ‘Blather Book Handling Service’
Thinking about ordering Blather.net's new book 'A Load of Blather' but don't know if you'll have the time to read it? Are you concerned that a tell-tale pristine copy will trash your cred with the kids? Worried your friends might think you only bought the book to have something bohemian and trendy lying around in the shitter? Fear ye not, for the makers of 'A Load of Blather' are proud to present the 'Blather Book Handling Service'. For a mere €159.99 (an hour) we'll dog-ear, tea-stain, underline and generally batter the crap out of the thing so that it looks like it's been used as a crude weapon during a vicious battle to the death at a UFO crash-site, when, let's face it, the closest you're ever likely to get to one is down the cinema at the new Indiana Jones flick. By the time we're done spending your money...