Month: May 2009

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(click image to see full size) Zombies. Tits. Dildos. Nuns. Guns. Nuns with Guns. More Tits. Coming October 2009, Blather.net is proud to present the most shocking horror movie ever made, 'Let The Right Nun In'. In this world exclusive, Blather.net catches up with writer and director Conor-Clubfoot O'Flap who is now busy putting the final touches on the film which has taken him six years to bring to the silver screen. Filmed on location in Co. Louth, Ireland, Let The Right Nun In is the harrowing tale of a zombie-nun outbreak in the town of Drogheda during a violent electrical storm on Halloween night. The plot revolves around Margie, a young impressionable American woman visting Ireland in an attempt to find her Irish roots. However, Margie's plans are scuppered when, as a result of an illegal dumping of some toxic muck from Sellafield and an unusual alignment of Uranus...

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(image by Dave Walsh) Hot on the heels of his controversial decision to overhaul antiquated 'Blasphemy laws', Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern has declared himself 'Ard-Bailitheoir na gCailleacha' with unlimited powers to search, seize, beat, rape, defame, libel, spitroast, roger, savage and claim legal ownership over whatever 'godless infidels' are within his and any government official's eyesight. Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern Appoints Himself 'Ard-Bailitheoir na gCailleacha' Having set the country straight on the contentious matter of the constitution's perilous and fraught relationship with the notion of 'blasphemy', Minister for Justice Dermot 'Innocent XI' Ahern has once again set Eurpoean legislative jaws a-wagging by inserting an article into the constitution which grants him and all government ministers the right to do, well, whatever the hell they want, to whoever they want, with whatever they want, whenever they want. In an attempt to make sense of this bewildering new political landscape...

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Serial womb-raiders Madonna and Angelina Jolie are set to do battle over who gets final adoption rites on a brace of unwanted, ginger-haired Irish babies. The ruling will come after what promises to be a landmark Supreme Court ruling which, if the predictions of an army of twittering, micro-blogging failed actors, and talentless, unfunny comedians are to be believed, could see the floodgates thrown open to visiting celebrities who would then be free to adopt multiple ginger infants as they saw fit. Following on from high-profile adoptions of Cambodian and Malawian babies, the latest ethnic minority to benefit from the unthinking largesse of wealthy, millionaire movie stars and ageing concrete-biceped rock queens is the 'ginger Irish baby', an estimated 10,000 of which have been abandoned in the streets of Ireland this year alone, a 4000% increase on previous years, according to figures worked out on the back of a beer...