Year: 2003
Classic unsolicited email
Rooting back through old emails, found this gem... Name: Joey email: roscommonsuck@######.com comments: hey i am from roscommon and i was wondering about a nice lookin girl from life style sports enniskillian shopping centre . i saw her there saturday and i had the real bright dyed hair she was in her teens and had black hair and lovely eyes could you read this out and if she rings in or txts could u give my email addy or email me or call me on 35390###### please i can't stop thinking of her. or txt her my number please read out the first part to her. thank you
The adventures of Dr. Archimedes J. Sparkplug – Part the first
Episode 1: The North-side Dublin party... Original text by Damien DeBarra and Conor Ryan. Theme music fades out and background noise fades in.. Background noise: pub in full swing, clinking glasses, thumping music, loud chatter, shrieking laughter etc etc. Dr. Sparkplug: (speaking in a ridiculous pesudo-Attenborough academic tone, all hushed conspiracy and earnest passion) “Good evening and welcome to the inaugural episode in this new radio series entitled ‘In our World’, with me your host Dr. Archimedes J. Sparkplug. In this show we shall attempt to probe the anthropological mysteries of life as we know it, in the Ireland of the now. The purpose of this exercise will be to explore the ethnology of the Emerald Isle, to shine the torch of science on the murky depths of the Irish psyche and to apply the rigours of logical investigation to our culture as a whole. Each week will investigate a...
Big Cat Thought To Be Celtic Tiger
Financial transactions found in the east coat area of Ireland were probably made the Celtic Tiger, the Central Bank has said. The white collar welfare charity and gardai have been searching the area since Friday following reports of a big cat being spotted. People have been warned not to approach the animal which is believed to be between the Dublin 4 and Killiney areas. There have been up to 23 sightings of the animal, but the rough terrain has made it difficult to capture. However, gardai have made plastercasts of credit card transactions found in the area and these have been studied along with measurements and eye-witness reports by experts at the Central Bank. The Central Bank's Luther Blissett says they spent Tuesday examining the information they had gathered and now believe it may be the Celtic Tiger. "To the best of our ability and as far as we can...
Mirror, Mirror… Muppa!
Blather.net made it into today's Irish Mirror, thanks to our 'Bertie and Ernie... Muppa!' Get yourself a Muppa! T-Shirt We're almost embarrassed. The Mirror describes the t-shirt as 'controversial'. We would have said satirical?, if a little lazy. We also, apparently mention on the wireless, by an RTE gentleman with the improbable name of 'Ryan Tubridy'. Read the Daily Mirror article
An Attempt to Take Caravaggio’s ‘The Taking of Christ’
Blather's Dave Walsh attempts to take The Taking of Christ BLATHER'S Dave Walsh was yesterday licking his wounds after security personnel ejected him from the National Gallery of Ireland in Merrion Square, Dublin. Walsh's The Taking of Caravaggio's The Taking of Christ (click image for t-shirt) A spokesperson for the Gallery said that Walsh was attempting to wrestle Caravaggio's The Taking of Christ from the wall of the gallery, while making loud comments about 'blasted picturehooks' and wearing a the blue jersey of the Italian national cycling team. According to witnesses, Walsh was dragged by his heels from the room, while shouting 'Give Italy back to the Italians' and 'dia l'Italia di nuovo agli italiani'. He was cheered on by his entourage, which was mostly made up of Italian language students, and his mother, who was visiting from Wexford. Walsh's attempts to remove the painting are thought to be connected...
Daftest site of the week
Ireland for 2026 Winter Olympics? This is wonderful... and slightly surreal. The world climate is changing and there is a distinct possibility that the climate in the west of Ireland is heading for a mini ice-age at some point in the not too distant future. www.winterolympics2026.com
The booze. The hangover. The horror.
I can't do this no more. I just can't. I quit my job yesterday and in a fit of merriment went to the boozer for 'one' at 5.30. 4 hours later I staggered, drooling and panting out the door, up the road, into a lamppost, back down the road, up the road again, up some steps and towards my house. There was some fumbling with keys, some more drooling and a short ignominious tumble through the front door. I then decided that it would be a great time to ring the missus and make foul, depraved suggestions at her which (as far as I can recall) then degenerated into a pitiful display with me professing my undying love and simpering and blubbing like a twat. Anyhoo: after a night punctuated with the hourly spectacle of me sitting upright and screaming at the dark before keeling over again, this morning rolls...
Big Brother, solitary confinement and choking the chicken
Ok. I admit it. I was at home alone. I was desperate. It was either watch Big Brother, or watch yet another tedious fucking home improvement programme with 'oh so plucky and whimsical music' and Carol Voderman dragging her increasingly flabby arse around the screen... So I ended up watching Big Brother. I kmow: the shame. The SHAME. However, whilst i was half watching/half contemplating throwing myself out the window, a thought struck me. These poor bastards have been stuck in this house for about 60 days. That's 60 days with no privacy. 60 days with cameras following their every movement and action. Every gesture and nuance. Every room you visit and every word you say. Nothing, it would seem escapes the glare of the cameras. So, this got me to thinking. These poor sods have been stuck in this Max Clifford-like dystopian nightmare for almost two months without a...
An Army of Leprechauns
Taken from the 'never to be finished in a millenia of sundays' novel Mysterious Ways... Michael was having a rough day. He decided that a drink would be a good idea. A very good idea indeed... He shuffled through the door of the pub and straight to the bar without looking at any of the forlorn figures who were scattered around the tables and chairs. “Howdy pardner” said Conor from behind the bar. He was a tall and gaunt man, with unkempt black hair and huge, bent Roman nose which had quite obviously seen better days. His chin was decorated with a short beard and his top lip with an enormous handlebar moustache. He was also notable for his enormous feet and hands, a fact which a great many women seemed to take notice of. “Evening Conor” said Michael, forcing a half smile out of the corners of his down-turned...
Leather Suits
The ectasy of Irish motoring and spelling mistooks... Was driving to Galway last Friday... between Kilcock and Enfield, saw a sign outside out a house advertising 'Leather Suits'. 'Leather suits? Who the fuck wears leather suits?' I thought. Who stops and buys clothes at houses on the N6 anyway? Was I driving to into some midlands kinkiness? Would I get a free coffee enema when I stopped for petrol in Kinnegad? Would that rest-stop place in Athlone have a sex shop & auto factor combo, sandwiched between Dominoes Pizza and MacDonalds? Was JG Ballard involved? Of course, about 2km later, I copped on... what they meant was 'leather suites... as in furniture. Reminds me of when, some years ago, I was on a bus from Wexford to Waterford, which had stopped to pick up passengers in New Ross. By the quayside was a burly bearded trawlerman, in wellington, a thick...