Jasper, it would appear, has found his way back to Earth. And has been up to no good…
When we last heard from Jasper the Intrepid space-time travelling cat, he was floating somewhere in deepest, darkest space. We had pretty much written off any hope of ever seeing him again. Daev had even switched off the time machine and I had resigned myself to putting his cat-chow bowl up for sale on e-bay. Such is the breaks when meddling with the fabric of the space-time continum and chasing intergalactic mice.
However, as so often happens at Blather Paranormal Investigations, we recived a cryptic e-mail from an un-named source indicating to us that Jasper had not in fact been sucked into a black hole and spat out in the arse-end of the universe as we had suspected, but rather, he had ended up in an entirely different place altogether. And time.
The anonymous mail suggested that we should make our way to the National Museum and make some enquiries. We duly did so and, after bribing six or seven curators and sleeping with several tour guides we managed to ascertain that a little-known Gnostic gospel called the “Book of Bob” would furnish us with some information of pertinence. Getting our hands on this did not prove easy. Several weeks passed, in which the Blather editorial got itself entangled in all manner of archaeological skullduggery (cunningly using the cover story of hill walking south of Dublin). In order to protect our sources, I won’t specify precisely what it was that we had to do…
At first the “Book of Bob” appeared to be nothing more significant than a pile of meandering, unconnected maps to buried archaeological treasures, predictions about the fall of the American empire and the rise of the anti-christ (something to do with the name ‘L. Walsh’ apparently). However, one small passage caught our attention:
“And Bob spoke unto the Lord and the Lord sayeth to Bob ‘Miaow'”
Following on from that there are more verses of Iambic pentameter which deal with the Ark of The Covenant, Ancient Babylonia, the rise of the Cat goddess Bastet, huge cities being laid to waste, plagues of fleas, floods of cat piss, and deluges of chicken noodle soup.
Our investigations will continue and we will bring you the details as they emerge….
Jasper’s return has brightened my day considerably. I look forward to further reports of his meandering through history, shitting in the shoes of the holy, scratching the furniture of the great, and eating the fleas of the poor and downtrodden.
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