The Assassination of Noam Chomsky: Which Flying Saucer Acted Alone?
Posted by barry at
4:55 PM on April 13, 2008
No doubt you remember where you were when you heard about the shocking and horrible events of February 28. Feared academic, writer, rambler and digressionator, Noam Chomsky, was killed by a lone flying saucer in Antarctica, alongside his many lawyers.
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| Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)Frank Ward Dies on Ostrich Farm
Posted by barry at
10:39 PM on March 31, 2008
Who could have known that the story of Ireland's Taoiseach Bertie Ahern's solicitors Frank Ward & Co. threatening politics.ie into silence would take this truly shocking twist? Frank Ward, the Senior Managing Partner (capital S, capital M, capital P) and Founder (capital F) of Frank Ward & Company, Solicitors (capital F, capital W, capital C, capital S) has been found dead following a horrific incident on his Kilkenny ostrich farm!
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| Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)The Right Honourable Jacqui Smith MP Drowns
Posted by barry at
10:42 PM on March 7, 2008
It's not every day I read about someone in the news and the next thing they up and die in the most bizarre fashion!
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Blather presents 'Ireland's Greatest Wits'
Posted by damien at
11:53 AM on October 16, 2007
Yesterday, the lion's share of British media outlets ran with the story that a recent poll, conducted to figure out who was Britain's greatest wit, placed the writer Oscar Wilde at the top of a list of ten auspicious names. And indeed he was a funny chap. There's a slight issue though: Oscar Wilde was not British. Oscar Wilde was (drumroll) Irish. But no matter; let's not get hung up on semantics. In the interest of furthering Anglo-Irish relations, and generally educating the great unwashed, Blather.net now humbly submits its list of Ireland's greatest wits for your perusal and comment.
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| Comments (8) | TrackBack (0)Deadly Skunk Floods London
Posted by damien at
2:30 PM on October 15, 2007
Dramatic new evidence of the dangers of rogue jihadi animals emerged today as government scientists warned that a most harmful "stink" is flooding our streets. Crack Al Qaeda skunks have been caught on CCTV pissing, shitting and spraying London water services in an attempt to foul up the city's drinking grog. 'London water is a globally-recognised brand - known for it's purity, cheap costs and chemical benevolence' guffawed a Thames Effluence spokesman through barely controlled sniggers.
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| Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)Bundles Ahern, Northern Rock and the Scourge of Puff Daddy's Bling
Posted by damien at
3:45 PM on September 16, 2007
An odd week here in the London branch of Blather Towers. As well as changing locations (from the leafy suburbs of Muswell Hill to the altogether more interesting and noisy Turnpike Lane) we're also going back to college. To play games. No, seriously.
Anyhoosa, inbetween unpacking boxes, bouts of fending off the largest dog in London (long story) and getting lost on the tube, we found time to indulge ourselves in one of our favourite hobbies: howling laughing at Irish politics.
Continue reading "Bundles Ahern, Northern Rock and the Scourge of Puff Daddy's Bling "
| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)Kate McCann declared 'Haguido'
Posted by damien at
5:49 PM on September 10, 2007
Portugese police stepped up their investigations into the disappearance of Maddie McCann this morning, in particular their continued focus on Kate McCann, by officially declaring her a 'haguido', requesting permission to search her body for superflous nipples, signs of fornication with the great beast and finally to have her burnt at the stake for being blatantly more intelligent than the half-witted, strategically-shaved primates that are supposed to be leading the search for her missing child.
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| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)How to Fly a Building
Posted by barry at
7:40 PM on September 5, 2007
Have you vague feelings that you are searching for something inexpressible? At last at Blather we have discovered what you should be doing with yourself. You need to fly a building. Here is our how-to guide.
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| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)It's all gone Grant Morrison (or how 'Heroes' might actually save the world)
Posted by damien at
7:10 AM on May 11, 2007
As the movie industry spirals ever-further into creative redundancy, TV shows such as The West Wing, The Sopranos and Rescue Me have delivered world-class ensemble acting and increasingly complex plotting - so complex that one author recently suggested that modern TV is making us smarter - to an ever-more demanding audience. But in recent months, one show is going even further: touching on primal fears about political manipulation, the nature of good and evil and, perhaps most interestingly, quietly introducing sigil magic to an unsuspecting audience. Meet the 'Heroes'.
Continue reading "It's all gone Grant Morrison (or how 'Heroes' might actually save the world)"
| Comments (11) | TrackBack (0)Irishwoman Deafened By Ticking Of Her Own Biological Clock
Posted by damien at
12:01 AM on May 1, 2007
(GALWAY) Long-term lonely-heart and five-times 'Bunny Boiler of the Year' award-winner Mairead O'Hoop claimed she was struck deaf by the incessant ticking of her own biological clock last night, in the midst of a frenetic round of speed dating. Having successfully scared off five men in under six minutes, O'Hoop (32, possibly 38) was reported to be in the midst of conversing with a handsome manure farmer from Leitrim and was so taken with his manly charms, that the passing seconds became akin to the bongs of the Angelus, rendering her incapable of hearing his screams for mercy as she seized him by the genitalia and dragged him to the bathroom.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Shaky Admits All Crimes
Posted by barry at
6:59 AM on March 16, 2007
Last night, at the water torture facility at Mosney, Sheikhin' Stevens admitted to all his foul crimes, including the terrorist attacks on America of September 11, 2001, the Bali bombing, the Madrid bombing and the July 7 bombings in London.
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| Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)Entire Irish Nation Gathers On Beach To Futilely Shake Fists At Sellafield Nuclear Power Plant
Posted by damien at
4:41 PM on January 12, 2007
(DUBLIN) The entire population of the Republic of Ireland are due to gather on Dollymount Strand, Clontarf this coming weekend to join in the world's largest instance of impotent fist-shaking at a neighbouring nuclear polluter. 'We're gonna tell them British bastards what's feckin' what so we feckin are' said a random drunk who crawled out from under a nearby rock.
Morrissey Finally Runs Out Of Things To Moan About
Posted by damien at
2:37 PM on January 12, 2007
(LONDON) Slightly mishaven, tweed-wearing men the world over were aghast this Tuesday gone when Craven McMoneygrab, the newly installed manager of the Morrisey junket, announced that the legendary bequiffed caterwauler had finally, once and for all, run out of things to moan about.
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| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)'A very Eli Christmas'
Posted by damien at
11:44 AM on December 7, 2006
Special Blather correspondent Elimare, regales us with a charming Christmas tale, inspired by the annual Xmas display in the Brown Thomas windows, on Dublin's Grafton Street. Taken from the ever-readable blog 'Severe Jam Damage', 'A very Eli Christmas' looks at the other side of the holiday season in Ireland - the one that the tourist board probably doesn't want you to know about. Photo by Elimare.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Taoist Problem Page
Posted by barry at
6:32 PM on October 16, 2006
Do you need answers?! Here are letters taken from the problem pages of magazines. They were meant for run-of-the-mill agony aunts, but we showed them to our own Taoist sage, who is never wrong!
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| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)Irishman provokes outrage by throwing drowning fundamentalist a rope
Posted by damien at
1:55 PM on September 22, 2006
(DUBLIN) Jojoba Witnesses were 'outraged' today when a passing Irishman threw a dirty rope to a drowning Jojoba Witness in the Grand Canal. Horrified at coming into contact with an 'unclean substance' the Jojoba Witnesses have marched on the offices of the Irish Government to express their disgust at this repulsive act of of benevolence.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Blather quotes 700 year old conversation. Entire planet goes mental.
Posted by damien at
3:36 PM on September 21, 2006
(DUBLIN) Violent protests erupted in Dublin today when enraged Bloggers took to the streets to express their outrage at Blather writer Samwise Doran for his speech earlier this week, wherein he quoted a 700 year-old conversation between a html programmer and an xml developer which was written on a UCD toilet wall.
Church leaders, horse-fetishists, lake-monster hunters, politicians, satanists and bitter, twisted discussion forum harridans rampaged across Dublin city centre this morning in a bacchanalian frenzy of spam, spittle and cannibalism. In a worrying escalation of events, further riots are reported to be breaking out across the globe, with violent clashes reported in Sydney Australia, San Francisco, USA and Knobber, Co. Meath, Ireland.
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| Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)Provisional IRA sue Real IRA for copyright infringement
Posted by damien at
2:16 PM on July 26, 2006
BELFAST. Uproar in Northern Ireland as Republican activists rampage across the web, leaving a trail of spam, badly-spelt blog comments and a faint whiff of cheap perfume. 'A bunch of dirty, sleeveen bogtrotter bastards' says shady balaclava-wearing thug.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)BlatherLabs Presents: The Interested Bear
Posted by blather at
3:34 PM on July 5, 2006
Are you chronically dull? Do you require constant attention? Do you find yourself seeking endless validation on discussion forums? If so, then you need 'The Interested Bear'! Brought to you by special blather correspondent, Moon.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Blather Meets... Britney
Posted by blather at
1:34 PM on June 23, 2006
Earlier this week, blather.net dispatched crack reporter Dan Brown to meet with the diminutive American pop-star, Britney Spears, for an exclusive interview. What followed was an intimate conversation over some fine wines, posh nosh and a wayward Bush.
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| Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)So, your man is going to the World Cup, eh?
Posted by damien at
2:03 PM on May 15, 2006
Are you a female blather reader? Is the man in your life about to abscond to watch the World Cup? Are you worried that he might be tempted by the heaving, groaning, cavalcade of female flesh and an endless supply of cheap booze and drugs? Welcome to Artemis.
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| Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)Blather Wins Prestigious Blather Award
Posted by barry at
11:26 PM on March 14, 2006
Despite the prolific downing of bottles, jeroboams and even buckets of alcoholic liquid, no-one approached the toilets; the tension ran so high in that room that we just sweated it out. The question on our minds was: who would win the prestigious Blather Award for 2006? The competition was fierce; everyone had a chance this year.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Irish Priests rocked by allegations of not molesting children
Posted by damien at
5:32 PM on March 8, 2006
Shock, dismay and outrage greeted today's announcement that members of the Irish clergy stand accused of keeping a respectful distance from children and not violently buggering every child under the age of ten to death with an assortment of prize-winning vegetables.
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)Marketing executive enters 14th hour of longest shit in recorded history
Posted by damien at
9:28 PM on January 29, 2006
(LONDON) The fate of Fintan Lockhart, a 26-year-old marketing executive from East Croydon, hangs in the balance this evening as he struggles to control an unstoppable, 18-foot turd which erupted out of his ass this morning, blasting three clients out of a second-storey office-window in Soho.
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| Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)IRA announce massive redundancies
Posted by damien at
4:27 PM on January 22, 2006
Outsourcing, globalisation and increased cost of knee-capping blamed by regional IRA commanders. 'A disaster for the whole fuckin' community' says murky, balaclava-wearing figure.
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| Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)I Believe Everything I See And I Can't Turn It Off
Posted by barry at
2:54 AM on December 25, 2005
What ruined my Christmas Eve? I'll tell you want ruined my Christmas Eve!
The thought that the Discovery Channel was about science, discovery and information. It isn't. On Christmas Eve they broadcast a "documentary", A Haunting in Connecticut, which was basically a feature length advertisement for (a) a couple of maverick American demonologists and (b) that ol' org the Catholic Church, in whose bosom you can find refuge against Evil, allegedly.
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| Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)A Very Merry Xmas from all at Blather
Posted by damien at
11:07 AM on December 23, 2005
Well, folks. 2005 is nearly over. And it's been a great year for Blather.net. We've a whole host of new writers, bloggers and content on our site. Oh, and the traffic is gone through the roof...
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| Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)Blatherskyte Industries release 'BeanFlickr2.0': Quality Wankcasting For Free.
Posted by damien at
6:00 PM on December 1, 2005
Do you spend your days twittering like an inane idiot in online chat clients? Are you having a long-distance relationship with a woman who claims she loves you madly but who you secretly suspect is shagging her way across the European Union? Want a change to your usual online heavy breathing antics? Wanna see your missus mash her big soapy tits into a webcam and jiggle like a bellydancer at 12 frames a second? Then we've got the thing for you: Blatherskyte Industries release BeanFlickr 2.0 (play annoying jingle) : quality webcam smut for the wanking masses.
Continue reading "Blatherskyte Industries release 'BeanFlickr2.0': Quality Wankcasting For Free."
| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)There is a mutant in my kitchen
Posted by damien at
9:29 AM on August 26, 2005
Ghosts, UFO's and angry ex-girlfriends. I've dealt with them all. But, nothing could have prepared me for *the thing*.
Continue reading "There is a mutant in my kitchen"
| Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)Horse it into me big fella
Posted by damien at
9:37 AM on July 29, 2005
Yesterday, we brought you the news that an American man had died whilst shagging a horse. Now, we bring you this exclusive on the scene report from our man in the States, Alex DeJong.
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| Comments (32) | TrackBack (0)Mick Collins in space
Posted by blather at
11:56 AM on July 20, 2005
"It was 36 years ago today" as John Lennon never quite said, when the first manned craft touched down on the surface of the Moon. In light of this, we bring you some classic Blather...
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| Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)Is it time to forgive George?
Posted by damien at
2:11 PM on May 29, 2005
Big movie. Big match. Scousers go mental. Fan boys get all weak at the knees.
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Star Wars: The Revenge of the Internet
Posted by damien at
4:27 PM on May 10, 2005
Heavy breathers, Jar-Jar haters, force-pedants and grown men running around with plastic, glow-in-the-dark swords. It can only mean one thing: Star Wars is back.
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| Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)Lepreporn - Where Dreams Are Made
Posted by sue at
9:52 AM on April 26, 2005
Small men. Green pants. Handycams and a pot of 2000 euro. You just can’t make this stuff up...
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| Comments (22) | TrackBack (0)The Blather Guide to Drool
Posted by barry at
11:47 AM on April 25, 2005
Think you know about music? Do ya? Well, Summer 2005 is going to be wet!
Continue reading "The Blather Guide to Drool"
| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)We have a new Lame Duck!
Posted by barry at
10:20 AM on April 20, 2005
Blather is pleased to announce to the world (through this olde-time medieval Shitegeist shite-brown smoke signal "emission") that we have a new Lame Duck!!!
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| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)PopeIdol Day 4: Can Bono finally find what he's been looking for?
Posted by damien at
9:05 AM on April 6, 2005
Ok. So he didn't get the World Bank job and he hasn't managed to get those debts relieved. He's climbed the highest mountain and walked through the sea. So, now, how about a shot at the Papacy?
Continue reading "PopeIdol Day 4: Can Bono finally find what he's been looking for?"
| Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)PopeIdol. Day 3: Dan Brown readers terrorised by ghost of JP2
Posted by damien at
8:46 AM on April 6, 2005
Just when we thought things couldn't get any weirder than they were (silver hammers across the head?), it appears that readers of The Davinci Sham, sorry Code, have been recieving spectral visits from the recently departed Pontiff...
Continue reading "PopeIdol. Day 3: Dan Brown readers terrorised by ghost of JP2"
| Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)'PopeIdol'. Day 2: It's Ladies Night!
Posted by damien at
9:16 AM on April 5, 2005
Blather brings you the story of Pope Joan. That's right - Joan. A woman. As in a bipedal creature with breasts and the ability to give birth. The opposite of a man. Like that thing in the picture...
Continue reading "'PopeIdol'. Day 2: It's Ladies Night!"
| Comments (9) | TrackBack (0)Blather presents 'PopeIdol!' Day 1: Who should get the job?
Posted by damien at
2:12 PM on April 4, 2005
As JP2 shuffles off the mortal coil, the hype has started to build. Who will be the next Pope? We have a few ideas...
Continue reading "Blather presents 'PopeIdol!' Day 1: Who should get the job?"
| Comments (20) | TrackBack (0)Superman refuses to rescue cat from tree
Posted by damien at
2:10 PM on April 1, 2005
Shock and dismay as the man of steel flounces off in a huff. "Enough is fuc*ing enough" says Kryptonian underpant lover...
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)Zeitgeist - the new Blather news service
Posted by damien at
1:41 PM on March 21, 2005
A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Welcome to Zeitgeist - the new, free Blather news service. Our mission: to illuminate the seedier, murkier corners of the internet and generally make the world a poorer place..
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)BastardGate : the awful truth about Ireland's single mothers
Posted by damien at
4:03 PM on March 18, 2005
Last month's 'mutha' of all rows about single mothers led us to do some filthy hack work of our own. And did we what? Blather.net now presents its' groundbreaking investigative report. Warning: some readers may find the contents of this report forcing them to burn Swatstikas into their foreheads..
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| Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)Corkman goes three hours without mentioning Cork
Posted by damien at
10:24 AM on March 14, 2005
'Outrageous and absurd' says Dublin Professor of History, Dr. Hummus Fitzgerald...
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)Abroad - Yet Another Bloody Weblog
Posted by daev at
10:42 AM on March 8, 2005
I've started a new personal weblog for stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else.
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)The Village: The Prisoner Comes To Galway.
Posted by sue at
3:34 PM on March 6, 2005
"I'm not a number, I'm a free patient"!
Continue reading "The Village: The Prisoner Comes To Galway."
| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)Tighty Whities Terrorise Virginians
Posted by damien at
1:51 PM on February 11, 2005
Stateside report from our man in New York, Alex DeJong
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| Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)Wheelie bins of the apocalypse
Posted by damien at
1:48 PM on January 22, 2005
Sent in from our western correspondent' (a.k.a. Sue)
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)School of Comic Phisics Opens in Dublin
Posted by daev at
6:50 PM on December 17, 2004
Is this a joke? A clown college? Ah, if Oskie Wilde were only alive to see it now...
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| Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)Back With A Vengence
Posted by daev at
1:32 PM on December 15, 2004
Blather is back. In body, at least...
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)Select DVD menu...
Posted by damien at
5:30 PM on December 9, 2004
Select DVD menu. Select November 2004. Select play.
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| Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)Wayne Rooney declared stupidest man on Earth
Posted by damien at
10:31 AM on October 6, 2004
‘Thicker than fossilized dino-dung’ says scientist
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)Nipplegate and Janet Jackson
Posted by damien at
3:26 PM on October 4, 2004
The final word from guest writer Ian Nicoll.
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| Comments (5)The Prez 2004: Open Up a Can o' Kerry
Posted by damien at
10:18 AM on September 30, 2004
From our man in the States, Alex DeJong.
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| Comments (14) | TrackBack (0)Did Han Solo shoot first?
Posted by damien at
9:18 PM on September 9, 2004
Back... and to the left. Back... and to the left. Back... and to the left.
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| Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)The Top 10 Lists of All Time!
Posted by barry at
1:41 PM on August 27, 2004
Finally, a list that lists what we are most interested in: lists!
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| Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)Slieve Blooms Moving to Netherlands
Posted by daev at
4:31 PM on August 26, 2004
Flat European state gets its first mountains...
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)the birdbath identity
Posted by damien at
3:35 PM on August 25, 2004
haircuts, shadowy government agents and smashing my face in...
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| Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)Luas tickets 'unroachable' says expert
Posted by damien at
3:42 PM on August 4, 2004
Mayhem in the ranks of pot-heads ensues as Government clamps down...
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| Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)Ez-Spin: Mops up messes in mere minutes!
Posted by at
8:47 AM on May 27, 2004
Introducing the smart way to remove unwanted spots and stains from your career!
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| Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
