I Believe Everything I See And I Can’t Turn It Off
What ruined my Christmas Eve? I'll tell you want ruined my Christmas Eve! The thought that the Discovery Channel was about science, discovery and information. It isn't. On Christmas Eve they broadcast a "documentary", A Haunting in Connecticut, which was basically a feature length advertisement for (a) a couple of maverick American demonologists and (b) that ol' org the Catholic Church, in whose bosom you can find refuge against Evil, allegedly. The "haunting" in question involved a troubled family living in a former funeral parlour. Of Course. Spooky! Dead bodies! The apparitions appeared at night when family members were in...
A Very Merry Xmas from all at Blather
<Well, folks. 2005 is nearly over. And it's been a great year for Blather.net. We've a whole host of new writers, bloggers and content on our site. Oh, and the traffic is gone through the roof... At the start of 2005, Blather.net was bringing in a steady stream of traffic - as it always has. But now, as we stare at the business end of December, our statcounter figures tell us that traffic has exploded - more than a threefold increase from the figures 12 months ago. So, how do we account for this? Well, it's been a busy year...
Blatherskyte Industries release ‘BeanFlickr2.0’: Quality Wankcasting For Free.
Do you spend your days twittering like an inane idiot in online chat clients? Are you having a long-distance relationship with a woman who claims she loves you madly but who you secretly suspect is shagging her way across the European Union? Want a change to your usual online heavy breathing antics? Wanna see your missus mash her big soapy tits into a webcam and jiggle like a bellydancer at 12 frames a second? Then we've got the thing for you: Blatherskyte Industries release BeanFlickr 2.0 (play annoying jingle) : quality webcam smut for the wanking masses. Revolutionizing communications technology,...
There is a mutant in my kitchen
Ghosts, UFO's and angry ex-girlfriends. I've dealt with them all. But, nothing could have prepared me for *the thing*. During the course of my so far reasonably interesting life, I've had the shit scared out of me a few times. There was that time on the Isle of Man when myself and a friend were party to a haunting. Then there was the time that had a mexican stand-off with an angry badger. And I worked at the National Museum of Ireland for a few years where I saw shit that would make your hair stand on end. But last...
Horse it into me big fella
Yesterday, we brought you the news that an American man had died whilst shagging a horse. Now, we bring you this exclusive on the scene report from our man in the States, Alex DeJong. Just when I had lost hope of finding some meaningful news, MSNBC brought me some relief from my despair. Despite some embellishments, this is a true story, the sources of which can be checked from the links below. Ahem. Crack that whip Recently, a gentleman from Seattle passed away after being violently sodomized by his equestrian stall-mate. Whether or not this man disagreed with the normal...
Mick Collins in space
"It was 36 years ago today" as John Lennon never quite said, when the first manned craft touched down on the surface of the Moon. In light of this, we bring you some classic Blather... "The next notable entry into the Hibernian Space Race was Michael 'The Big Fella' Collins (1890-1922), recently hyper-immortalised by actor Liam Neeson in one of those 'talkie' moving pictures by esteemed local director Neil Jordan. Collins was one of the military blackguards (as opposed to the Black and Tans) behind the events leading to the formation of the Irish Free State in 1921. He subsequently...
Is it time to forgive George?
Big movie. Big match. Scousers go mental. Fan boys get all weak at the knees. "What are you talking about? I left at half-time..." It’s been a curious week with curious redemptions. Wednesday last saw Liverpool football club, a rag-tag bag of heroes led by a small Spaniard who bears an uncanny resemblance to Penfold from the Dangermouse cartoons, winning the European Cup. This their fifth time and after having their arses kicked around for the 1st 45 minutes. Not that you need me to tell you this – the entire planet is talking about their heroics in seeing off...
Star Wars: The Revenge of the Internet
Heavy breathers, Jar-Jar haters, force-pedants and grown men running around with plastic, glow-in-the-dark swords. It can only mean one thing: Star Wars is back. In case you have been living on the furthest moon of Jupiter, in a cave, with your fingers in your ears and a Jar Jar doll up your ass, you will of course be aware that benevolent Uncle George is about to give us his sixth and final chapter in the Star Wars saga. On this suspicious occasion we have trawled the net looking for all manner of Star Wars related interweb shenanigans. And by Vader's...
Lepreporn – Where Dreams Are Made
Small men. Green pants. Handycams and a pot of 2000 euro. You just can’t make this stuff up... So there I am, sitting staring at an e-mail in my inbox. It would seem that I’m being offered a part in a porn movie, which will pay 2000 euro, for one and a half hour’s ‘work’. Looking closer at the email, I see the company is called ‘Lepreporn’. How did this all come about? Audition Some weeks back I received a call from my agent, telling me I’ve been successful in an audition for a part in a TV film. This...
The Blather Guide to Drool
Think you know about music? Do ya? Well, Summer 2005 is going to be wet! We suppose you’ve been hearing that Grime is going to be the lifestyle, music and culture of summer 2005? Forget that. Now. A new music scene has erupted. Drool. Celebrities in the fashionable districts of fashionable cities (London, Oslo, Kilkenny) are beginning to identify themselves with this shocking new trend (see picture!). Here's an MP3 of some Drool for you to listen to: an excerpt from Droolin' To Tha Wetbeat by DJ Bibs (MP3 629kb). Unfortunately this MP3 won’t give you a full taste...