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Earlier this week, blather.net dispatched crack reporter Dan Brown to meet with the diminutive American pop-star, Britney Spears, for an exclusive interview. What followed was an intimate conversation over some fine wines, posh nosh and a wayward Bush. Breakfast with Britney I was sitting in ‘Silk,’ a restaurant in the Courtyard Keminski hotel, opposite Liberty’s on Carnaby street, waiting for my guest to arrive. It was unconscionably early, but she was hungry. I was intrigued by her choice of restaurant, a converted courtroom that offered a choice of Thai and Indian food, served by authentic Asian people. Was the courtroom...

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   © Blather.net/Walsh In which the Count O'Blather tells of his great friendship with the late Fr Pat Noise, who died in suspicious circumstances when his carriage plunged into the Liffey in 1919. As I have just returned from the tropics, it has taken me some time to re-engage with the political hoo-hahs and media blurtings for which the fair land of Ireland is well known. However, I do see it as my duty to stay abreast of issues that concern the plain people of Dublin, like lap-dancing clubs and 'morr-guages'. On my arrival back into Ireland (via, of course,...

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Are you a female blather reader? Is the man in your life about to abscond to watch the World Cup? Are you worried that he might be tempted by the heaving, groaning, cavalcade of female flesh and an endless supply of cheap booze and drugs? Welcome to Artemis. Wind-bags In case you have been in a coma for the last six months (in a cave, in Antarctica, in a Polar bear's headlock) the World Cup is coming. And where there are World Cups there are World Cup widows. You know them - those lost, forlorn, rejected specimens of womanhood, left...

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Despite the prolific downing of bottles, jeroboams and even buckets of alcoholic liquid, no-one approached the toilets; the tension ran so high in that room that we just sweated it out. The question on our minds was: who would win the prestigious Blather Award for 2006? The competition was fierce; everyone had a chance this year. Rotund, bespectacled Seamus 'Elephant' Crosbie, Managing Director of Blather Soft Drinks and Web System Solutions (a subdivision of Killkid Aircraft Weapons Solutions Inc., registered in Fort Worth, Texas) approached the podium with the glittering golden envelope and read out the nominations. DeBarra's head fell...

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Shock, dismay and outrage greeted today's announcement that members of the Irish clergy stand accused of keeping a respectful distance from children and not violently buggering every child under the age of ten to death with an assortment of prize-winning vegetables. The allegations were carried in today's newspapers after the publication yesterday lunchtime of a 600-page report on the sexual and private activities of 2,000 members of the Irish clergy. Over the period of seven exhaustive months, the Priests were polled, examined, briefed, de-briefed, probed, prodded, strung up on meat hooks, slapped around the head with a copy of the...

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(LONDON) The fate of Fintan Lockhart, a 26-year-old marketing executive from East Croydon, hangs in the balance this evening as he struggles to control an unstoppable, 18-foot turd which erupted out of his ass this morning, blasting three clients out of a second-storey office-window in Soho. The incident occured during a routine presentation to a client. Lockhart was briefing Andrew Johnson, the president of Felch Records, on the corporate identity and marketing strategy for the new manufactured boy band ‘'Non-threatening eunchs''. A few minutes into his presentation, Lockhart was overcome with a torrent of uncontrollable flatulence and began braying like...

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Outsourcing, globalisation and increased cost of knee-capping blamed by regional IRA commanders. 'A disaster for the whole fuckin' community' says murky, balaclava-wearing figure. (BELFAST) The IRA today announced several hundred lay-offs, effective from tomorrow morning 9 a.m. The shocking move comes at the end of a period of intense market speculation, which has focused on the organisations' ability to compete in the new global terrorism market: a market which many cocaine-fuelled tabloid hacks and a small army of syphilis-riddled market analysts have begun calling 'Terrorism 2.0'. The economy of the European Union has been in a period of transition: with...

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What ruined my Christmas Eve? I'll tell you want ruined my Christmas Eve! The thought that the Discovery Channel was about science, discovery and information. It isn't. On Christmas Eve they broadcast a "documentary", A Haunting in Connecticut, which was basically a feature length advertisement for (a) a couple of maverick American demonologists and (b) that ol' org the Catholic Church, in whose bosom you can find refuge against Evil, allegedly. The "haunting" in question involved a troubled family living in a former funeral parlour. Of Course. Spooky! Dead bodies! The apparitions appeared at night when family members were in...

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<Well, folks. 2005 is nearly over. And it's been a great year for Blather.net. We've a whole host of new writers, bloggers and content on our site. Oh, and the traffic is gone through the roof... At the start of 2005, Blather.net was bringing in a steady stream of traffic - as it always has. But now, as we stare at the business end of December, our statcounter figures tell us that traffic has exploded - more than a threefold increase from the figures 12 months ago. So, how do we account for this? Well, it's been a busy year...

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Do you spend your days twittering like an inane idiot in online chat clients? Are you having a long-distance relationship with a woman who claims she loves you madly but who you secretly suspect is shagging her way across the European Union? Want a change to your usual online heavy breathing antics? Wanna see your missus mash her big soapy tits into a webcam and jiggle like a bellydancer at 12 frames a second? Then we've got the thing for you: Blatherskyte Industries release BeanFlickr 2.0 (play annoying jingle) : quality webcam smut for the wanking masses. Revolutionizing communications technology,...