International uproar over Islamic plans for ‘Burn A Python Day’
Political and religious leaders from around the world have condemned a Saudi Arabian cleric's 'disrespectful' and 'disgraceful' plans to burn hundreds of copies of Monty Python's 'Big Red Book' on the anniversary of the 11 September attacks. The planned open-air ceremony, already dubbed 'the mother of all burnings' is scheduled to take place this coming Saturday at an insignificant mosque that nobody has ever heard of before, located in the arse-end of the deep Arabian south. The controversial protest is suspected to have been triggered by Islamic outrage at the forthcoming 'Burn a Koran Day' by Pastor Terry Jones of...
Irish Government Employs 2,000 ‘Pleasure Detectors’ To Enforce Dogging Tax
Outcry as 'Dogging tax' to enforce new government guidelines about illegal 'pleasure' in back of Irish vehicles is announced. OUTRAGE ETC. In the wake of the today's controversial announcement by Environment Minister John Gormley that 'all drivers of commercial 4X4s and small vans must legally declare that they will not use them for any social, domestic or pleasure purposes', there now comes a welcome good news story for the embattled government. The Minister also announced the creation of a new government agency, made up of 2,000 staff whose remit is to detect any illegal instances of 'pleasure' taking place in...
1 in 5 Muslims Believe Osama is a Christian
'I'm telling ye - just look at the beard. Thinks he's Jesus he does' The number of Muslims who believe -- wrongly -- that Osama Bin Laden is a Christian has increased significantly since his last video release and now account for nearly 20 percent of the world's Islamic population. 'Distinct look of the Jesus about him' says random, passing Muslim who we punched until he gave us a quote. Those results, from a new Raving Bigot Research Center survey, were drawn from interviews done before the Al Qaeda leader's alleged comments about the construction of a Christian cultural center...
You’re Knock Getting In Dressed Like That, Young Lady!
Dress code inspection at the new changing facilities, Knock, Co. Mayo, Ireland. In an attempt to crack down on rising numbers of wanton hussies, tramps and harlots attending the world famous Marian Shrine at Knock (Saudi Irelandistan), the Irish Catholic Church has instigated a new dress code for female pilgrims. The personal attire of all women and girls over the age of ten will now be assessed at each entry point by male security guards and/or priests. Slatterns and wenches showing too much skin will be given a few harmless slaps and a firm talking to, before being forced to...
The Blather Society for the Appreciation of Sinead O’Connor’s Arse
Oh most magnificent derriere. Thou sainted tush. Thy heavenly glutes wobble in a mystical dance of heaving womanhood. Nothing compares 2 Uranus. We love a good rant here at Blather. Love it we do. A good rant and a fine pair of butt cheeks. And so, joy was unfettered today at the London Blather outpost when we read the following in the Indo: "It is despicable and horrifying that my marriage was used as a chance to stamp on me. There are reasons why this has happened. One: Those papers were angry they didn't know anything about the wedding. Two:...
Bongs of the Angelus to be replaced with giant BWAHHHHH sounds from Inception
DUBLIN - In a bid to make daily television more relevant to a broader audience, RTE have announced that as of Monday 9th August, the bongs of the Angelus (a daily broadcast of a bell ringing for the duration of one minute, accompanied by images of people pausing in contemplation) will be replaced with great, roaring blasts of noise, recently heard in Christopher Nolan's box-office smash, Inception. Images of local Irish people enjoying quiet moments of contemplation will be replaced by scenes of Irish people having earth-shattering, life-altering, brain-fucking, nervous system-shredding revelations about the sheer futility of their lives, their...
Irish Politicians Not Going on Holiday by Mistake
Irish political balls on display (Library of Congress, Creative Commons License) Traumatised Irish members of parliament suffering from emotional exhaustion arising from their efforts at hiding cleaning up the god forsaken mess that is the Potato Republic, today struggled to remain awake in the Dáil chamber (Parliament) while they voted for a extended summer recess. In an unprecedented display of national heroism, deputies (members of parliament) overcame their political differences in order to agree on a return date for the end of September, 2010, leaving themselves little more then three whole months holiday. "We know its an extra two whole...
No. France’s World Cup misery doesn’t cheer me up.
The French football team, yesterday I've lost count at this stage of the number of people who have said to me that they suppose the miserable, farcical performance of Les Blues in the World Cup 2010 must be some sort of solace, or cause to put a smile on my face. After all, they observe with a wry wink and a gallic 'oh hoh hooooooh!', we Irish would be there only for the scandalously cheating Thierry Henry and his band of frog-leg chomping, Gauloise-chewing, tantrum-throwing twats. Sorry. But no. It doesn't cheer me up. In fact it pisses me off...
Palin, Rand Paul Demand Obama Use His Superpowers To Stop BP Oil Leak
(President Obama, yesterday. Image by Stan, used under a CC licence) Furious at the perceived lack of action on the part of the President and his White House administration, Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska called for the President to 'get his tights on, fly down there and swallow the leak up' before the damage becomes too much to repair. "The fundamental problem at the core of this crisis is a lack of responsibility," she wrote in a Facebook note. "There's a culture of buck-passing at the heart of this administration that has caused the tragedy of a sunken...
Bono Has Taxes Surgically Extracted
Bono in hospital yesterday Bono, the lead singer with Irish rock band U2, has been temporarily hospitalised whilst he has unpaid back-taxes surgically extracted from what has been described by medical experts as 'one seriously tight arse'. The singer is following medical advice to cancel forthcoming performances after undergoing emergency surgery for severe compression of an offshore bank account. The injury occurred during rehearsals for their world tour last Friday when five euro notes started firing out of the singer's arse like a malfunctioning cash-machine during a performance of 'Even Better Than The Real Thing'. The band then cancelled a...