Recently in MunnyMunnyMunny Category

We finally got to see Casino Royale. With apologies to Eamonn Dunphy, it was 'a good movie not a great movie'. It's the best Bond movie in twenty years but there are still problems. With it's heady mix of no frills service, bruised nads and dodgy drinks it all adds up to one thing: the Ryanair of Bond movies.

First thing first: Danel Craig is good. Very good. He's believable physically, displays a thuggish brutality that Fleming would have recognised and he resists the urge to act with his eyebrows. So far so good. There's a great opening scene - a moody black & white prologue which sets an edgy dark tone for the unfolding story. But then the song starts.

(YOUR BEDROOM) Geek-rage reaches almost apocalyptic levels with allegations that EA Games' new blockbuster 'Battlefield 2142' is designed to rummage through your hard drive and mine data which can then be sold to third-parties (presumbaly marketing agencies). This presumbaly so that you can be bombarded with adverts - as well as rocket-propelled grenades.

Now, I'm not a gamer. I don't dislike games and I even owned a Playstation a few years back, but I'm not a fan of hovering over a plasma-screen nipple, whiling my life away screaming at small pixelated characters. But a few months back a friend of mine (who is a whopping great game nerd) introduced me to Battlefield 2. It's stunning. And more addictive than crack-cocaine. The first truly extraordinary gaming experience that I ever had: real-time, on-line collaborative gaming with breathtaking, entirely immersive environments.

'It just works' they said. Sorry lads, but it doesn't. The last 24 hours have been testing me to the very limits of my patience. As I mentioned in a previous entry, I'm a recent convert to the quasi-religious grouping that is 'the mac bore'. I was a hacked-off PC user who jumped on the Apple Macintosh bandwagon. And I'd been a very happy boy. That is, until yesterday, when it started crashing and dying. And, I'm not alone. It appears that I'm one of thousands around the world who have been lied to by Apple's 'It Just Works' marketing crap.

I've been considering buying a domain name for a (notional) start-up and decided to look into the costs of getting the name I want. And I've been left with my jaw hanging down. Take for example this domain name search at hosting 365.ie, which I carried out just to see the differences between the costs, using a random name: 'weeeee'...

weeeee.org is 8.95 for one year. weeeeee.ie is 69.95. Just take a second to look at that. One is less than a tenner. The other is seventy euros.

Previously on Globaleyes, we had reported the story of how MCD (McCann and Desmond) Promotions were attempting to silence certain sections of the Irish media over reports of violence and intimidation at the recent Oxegen festival in Ireland. One of the groups that they had attempted to cow into silence was the discussion forum boards.ie - a not-for-profit discussion forum, run and administered by a group of dedicated posters who work for free: because they believe in free discussion.

And now, readers dear, it appears that MCD were not contented with having threatened boards.ie into silence but have now decided to sue them.

A piece in today's Irish Independent has catalogued the unbelieveable series of events at the Oxegen (nope, that idiotic spelling is their idea, not ours) music festival, which took place this weekend just gone. Amongst the more insane, witnesses have claimed that tents (in camping area A) were set on fire, people were brutally attacked and that the security staff (paid, we assume, by promoters and organisers MCD) did nothing to stop the potentially life-threatening violence.

Edel Kennedy from the Indo reports:

'Many furious fans posted details of their experiences on the Oxegen website. However, MCD removed the messages a number of hours after being contacted by the Irish Independent. MCD also refused to answer a number of questions put to it by this newspaper, including details of how many security guards were on duty.

"MCD are ecstatic with the success of the event, as are the gardai and Kildare County Council," said MCD spokesman Justin Green.

In a statement, he also went on to say: "We must warn you that in the event that an article critical of the event is published, we will take whatever action is necessary to prevent damage to the Oxegen event or MCD Productions." (our emphasis)

Living in London during the World Cup is an interesting experience. England fans represent both the best and worst aspects of football. Some are highly intuitive fans, studying the minutiae of tactics, team selections, substitutions and pass completion rates. These are the guys who I have met in the pubs recently - guys who love football: love watching it, talking about it and don't care who is playing once there's a good game on. Unfortunately, some others are knuckle-dragging retards who should be rounded-up and shot with balls of their own shite. But that's another story.

This last week, once again, England has indulged itself in it's four-yearly bout of hand-wringing, caterwauling, gnashing of teeth and hysterical shrieking about the performance of the England World Cup squad as, yet again, they crashed out in a quarter-final. On penalties.

A new restaurant will be opening soon in London. And the uber-funky, 10 out of 10 on a total-trendy-London-cunt hook? That's right, the staff are blind and will bring you your food in the dark.

"Edouard de Broglie is convinced he is on to a winner with "Dans Le Noir" (In The Dark) which opens in London next month. Exporting a formula he launched in Paris with his first dining-in-the-dark restaurant, de Broglie believes it is a perfect way to savour food by just using the taste buds.

He is currently hiring 10 blind people as waiters who will lead diners into the darkened room for a blind tasting with a difference. Customers are guided in from a normally lit bar where they pick what they will eat. In Paris, 80 percent of the clients opt for the surprise menu."

Next month, (we've been informed by a random punter that I spoke to in the pub toilets last night) will see the launch of 'Legless', a new phantasmagorical, gastronomic culinary experience where steaming plates of tripe are served by Bosnian bi-lateral amputees on the empty husks of the land-mines that blew their legs off, as they whizz their way around on skateboards. Proprietor, Jean-Jacques LeCunt is adamant that it will bring great shelf-loads of cash from thick, fashion-mad London assholes who will do just about anything to look like they are 'with it'.

LeCunt hopes to use the success of 'Legless' to finance his dream restaurant - 'Spunk', where cum-splattered, 13-year-old Latvian girls on Rollerskates serve punters stale beer and rancid pork-scratchings whilst poking themselves with rolled-up copies of the 'Big Issue'. Mingin.

August 18th - Mongo like trains

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. There are times when living in Dublin city can be a hoot. Like yesterday when I was making my way home across the city and some mong ran his truck (or car they weren't very clear) into a bridge somewhere and my train stopped at Landsdowne Road for twenty minutes before anyone saw fit to tell us that the train wouldn't be moving for another thirty minutes. I walked for fourty minutes to Abbey street and got home about two hours later than normal. That said, I can't hold CIE (who run the trains in Dublin) responsible for the actions of idiots driving into railway bridges.

Mongo don't like driving de bus

On the other hand, I can hold CIE and their subsidiary Dublin Bus responsible for what happened this morning. I take the Dart train across the city and get out at Dun Laoghaire. From there I jump on a 46A and bail out at Baker�s Corner in Deansgrange. I generally get to the office at about 8.55am. And, if I�m honest, the bus service is pretty good out of there � there�s a bus every five to ten minutes and the drivers are usually quite sharpish about making their way through traffic.

This morning, as usual I was standing at the 46A bus stop. There were about four or five other people there. The same faces that I see most mornings. I was listening to some music and keeping an eye out for the bus � you have to be keen-eyed as these guys will pull away into traffic if you don�t get to their door quick enough.

So, to set the scene: there�s a bus parked at the stop where I and the other five commuters are standing. It�s stationary. No number. No driver in it. Door closed. There are about four or five other buses parked behind it � it�s a busy place with buses and trains arriving every few minutes.

Mongo dodges traffic

I look up from my mp3 player to see that there is a 46A standing in traffic beside me. The guy has pulled out into traffic and is sitting waiting for the lights to change. No-one standing at the stop has seen him. I look back at the other passengers to see if they�ve noticed. Two or three have and look seriously annoyed. I decide to walk over to the about-to-move bus and knock on the door. The driver looks out at me like I�ve just dragged my scrotum down the door�s glass. He opens the doors and yells, asking me what I want. I ask is this the 46A. He throws his newspaper down and tells me that I should have been standing at the stop. I tell him I was. And so were the other four people there. He yells that he signalled for us. I tell him I heard nor saw nothing. A guy with red hair and a beard (who has also walked through traffic to the door) says the same thing. He looks as pissed off as I am.

Mongo don't like 'pack of assholes'

This goes on and on and on with him getting increasingly more agitated and abusive. He eventually roars after the two of us as we take our seats that we are a 'pack of assholes'. I'm not entirely sure if he was talking to me and the red-haired guy (who is now laughing) or all passengers in general. Between the roars of the engine and the string of barely-audible obscenities I can't figure out what he's talking about now. I suggest to the driver (as calmly as I can) that maybe he should consider getting a job that he likes. He doesn't seem to like the suggestion and hurls more abuse over his shoulder. The other passenger were left standing at the stop and, I can only assume, were late for work.

I took the bus ID number (it's above the driver's seat in case you want to take note of one) and called Dublin Bus. Got a machine. Left a message. And then, in what must be the most shocking development of all, they rang me back. About 35 minutes later. I told the chap the story and gave him the bus number. He apologised and said that that was no way for the public to be spoken to. Which was nice. They said they would chase the incident up and get back to me today.

Update - 23rd August

Well, smack my skinny ass and call me Nutsy. Dublin Bus rang back to tell me that they had 'dealt with' the incident. Fearing for a moment that they had taken the guy out back and smacked him around with a plank of wood, I asked exactly what that meant. Apparently, he was sat down by his boss and told that his behaviour 'wasn't on'. The guy on the phone actually seemed more concerned by the fact that the driver had left passengers sitting at the stop, rather than the language used. Which is understandable. And fair enough.

Well now. An employee of Dublin Bus who spoke to me in a calm, level-headed and professional manner. Dear God.